Apologise
by Nurse Betty Page
Summary: Set after Kill the Moon. How did the Doctor persuade Clara to join him on the Orient Express after their terrible falling out? What follows brings them together as lovers, and Clara learning the Doctor is a very adventurous and Dominant man - but exactly how is the Tenth Doctor linked to their lives in such a way that eventually, neither will ever be able to forget him? Rated M!
1. Chapter 1: Apologise

**Apologise**

**Author Note:**

**Set between Kill the Moon and The Mummy on the Orient Express.**

**After that bitter quarrel in the Tardis, how _did _the Doctor and Clara make up?**

**The answer lies in this fic, and is also the reason why this story is rated M!**

**And this started off as a one shot, but it will now have more chapters added as and when I think up scenarios!**

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**Warning: Contains sexual content.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, I write for love of fan fiction.**

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Apologise

Danny had asked her, _Do you love him?_

And Clara had denied it, she had called him _amazing _and talked of their friendship and the wonderful places he took her to, the scary and challenging situations that arose, she had laid it all bare, everything but the truth.

_She had lied. _

_Of course she loved the Doctor._

It had been a relief to part company with Danny that evening and have some time alone at her place, at least, she had _thought_ that was what she wanted, time alone, space to breathe – but she kept going back to the window and looking up at the moon, the new moon, the new egg laid by the creature that had now departed.

_The creature that had lived._

The Doctor had left the choice in her hands.

It had been emotional, it had been difficult.

But he had known all the long that she would make the right choice, of course he did. He knew much more than he cared to admit, and maybe they were not so different on that level:

_She had her secrets too._

Clara silently recalled every hurtful word that had been said before she had told the Doctor to go far away from her.

Now it was haunting her, those words felt like nails being driven into her heart, so many words, so many nails.

_Of course she was hurting._

_Love was supposed to hurt when it went wrong._

_Not that the Doctor knew she loved him..._

Clara drew in a slow breath as she looked up the silver orb glowing in the night sky, its milky sheen reflecting a halo against the glass. She reached out and pressed her fingertips to the window and kept her gaze fixed on the sky, on that moon that glowed so brightly, she thought of its secret and she was glad it was there, and she understood the weight of the choice the Doctor had placed in her hands.

Of course it had been tough, it had dragged her through the wringer emotionally.

Maybe the Doctor had been trying to make the point to her that being the Doctor was not easy.

_And she had called him arrogant. _

_She had shouted at him, threatened to slap him._

_Why had she ever hit him in the first place?_

_Because she knew he would take it?_

_Because she knew she could get away with it, because she was just a little human of no significance and he was a powerful, all seeing, all knowing Timelord?_

She knew she had treated him badly.

_He had taken it because he was tolerant and decent enough to put up with her violence and her temper and her aggression._

_He did that because he was a two thousand year old Timelord, with so much compassion for the human species..._

I'm sorry," she whispered as she looked up at the glowing moon as it rested there in a sea of inky night, "Where ever you are, I'm so sorry, Doctor. I'm sorry for..."

Clara fell silent, feeling an ache in her heart as those nails drove deeper:

_She was sorry for ever letting him see her ugly side. _

_She was sorry she ever lashed out._

_She was sorry for every hurtful word she had spoken._

_There was no excuse for any it._

And worst of all, she wanted to cry but was afraid that if she did she would never stop, because nothing hurt more than a deep regret, especially this one:

_It had just occurred to her that she had most probably lost the most amazing man who had ever walked into her life, and it had been entirely her fault._

She turned away from the moonlight and walked out of the front room, then she went up the hallway and pushed open her bedroom door.

And there was the Tardis in a cramped corner at the back of the room.

_And there was the Doctor, sitting on her bed..._

* * *

"What are you doing here?"

_She had not meant to sound so cold. She had never been so pleased to see him, but she was doing it again, putting up a wall, that strong-Clara wall that suggested nothing could reach her unless she had absolute control over every aspect. She wanted to let go of that, to lower her barriers and let him see the truth, but she just couldn't do it..._

The Doctor got up.

"I was hoping we could talk but obviously you're not ready to talk to me, so I'll be on my way -"

"_No!"_

He looked at her thoughtfully, and as she looked into his blue eyes she wanted so much to break down, to grab him and hold him close and she didn't care if he would freeze at her touch and hate every second of it, she just wanted to hold him...

_But she didn't._

He stepped closer to her, but not too close. He still had a look in his eyes that suggested he was hurt, angry or both.

"No, what?" he asked her, "No, you're not ready to talk to me, or no, you don't want me to leave?"

"Both?" she replied, feeling awkward.

He was holding her in his gaze, and the more she looked back at him the more she thought about their quarrel.

"I said some things," she admitted, "That I may have been wrong about."

"You did," he replied,"You threatened to slap me so hard I'd regenerate. I don't think even you could manage that."

And she hoped he was going to break the ice and smile, to make light of their quarrel. She looked into his eyes and struggled to find the right words - she was still desperately hoping he would laugh it off, making everything alright.

She made a silent wish:

_Please smile._

But he didn't.

And the longer he looked at her like_ that,_ the more her heart ached and she hated her anger for getting the better of her.

"I can understand you getting worked up," the Doctor said to her, "I can understand you being angry with me. But not _that_ angry. That was pure rage."

"And I said, I was wrong about some things -"

"Like what?" he demanded,_ "Tell me!"_

"Just give me a minute..."

She looked down at the floor. But she wasn't looking at the floor, she was looking at his polished shoes. Then she slowly raised her gaze up his black suit, past his jacket that was open showing a flash of crimson, then all the way up to his face, and finally, she met his gaze again.

"I know I said some very harsh words, I was angry and -"

"You said I was arrogant, and yes, I may be, but I _am_ two thousand years old and I _do_ have a great deal more wisdom than you can _ever_ hope to achieve in your human lifetime, but that _doesn't_ mean I look down on the human race! That hurt. That really hurt when you implied I felt that way."

"And I was wrong."

"And?"

Clara blinked away tears.

She wanted to kiss him, but she had wanted to do that for a long time and she had kept it back, and she still intended to keep it back...

"And I admit I was wrong, okay?"

The Doctor still had _that_ look in his eyes.

"No," he said to her, "Actually, it's not okay, Clara! You want to slap me, yell at me, fine...let me know that's what you want and then do me a huge favour and save it up for soldier boy instead, because I've had enough of your rage!"

She still felt as if those words had turned to nails that drove deep into her heart. The Doctor was not making this easy - but why should he?

"I know I've hurt you," she said softly, "And it was wrong and -"

"And?" he demanded again as the look in his eyes intensified.

"And I said I was wrong!"

"You've nothing else to say?"

She shook her head.

"You can't do it, can you?" the Doctor said to her, "You can't let go of that determination to control everything!"

Her eyes widened.

"What? I don't understand, what have I done now, I just admitted I was wrong -"

"_And that's not enough."_

She looked at him, and he looked back at her, and she still did not know what to say.

"I'm not sure I understand," she began, but then the Doctor stepped back from her and pointed at the carpet, drawing an imaginary line between them.

"You see that line I just drew?"

She looked down at the carpet and then back at the Doctor.

"Yes,I saw you draw a line in your imagination, with your finger, why?"

"_I need you to cross that line."_

She frowned.

"What?"

"Go on," he said, "I dare you! Step over it, your side is _Clara land _and this side, _this _side is _my_ world! Step over that line and leave your control freak urges behind you. Leave all the other negative stuff behind too, just step over that line and look me in the eye and say what you really want to say."

She shook her head as she laughed nervously.

"Doctor, this is silly! I'm not playing a stupid game."

The look in his eyes darkened.

"It's not a game. Step over the line. Unless you're too _afraid_ to do it..."

And she caught a brief flicker of a smile about his lips, but then it was gone.

"I don't understand what this is about -"

"I just told you what this is about. Now step over the line. For once in your life, break your own rules and obey another and step over the line. Its just a line, it won't hurt you. _Cross it_."

And Clara looked down at the floor and saw a stupid, insignificant space between them that had suddenly taken on such meaning it scared her, but she wasn't quite sure why...

The Doctor was looking at her intently.

"I haven't got all day," he said to her, "Are you going to do it, or not? Because if you can't do this one small thing for me, I'm turning my back and leaving in my Tardis and I promise I will go _far_ away from you, and you will_ never_ see me again!"

His words sent a spike of fear through her body, jolting her as she was gripped by the sudden realisation that she did not want him to do that, and she had to stop him from doing that:

_The Doctor really wanted to go, to walk out of her life?_  
She was sure he was telling the truth, there was no mistaking the look of absolute sincerity in his eyes.

"I...don't want you to..."

"What?" he said sharply, "Speak up, Clara, I didn't quite catch that!"

"I said I don't want you to go..."

Her words had been spoken in a hushed, faltering tone. She felt trapped by..._something_, and she was not sure whether to be afraid of it or not...

It felt alien, and it was nothing to do with the fact that this man was from Gallifrey. It was the fact that he was asserting himself over her, and to Clara, that would have felt alien no matter who was attempting to do it...

But she knew if she didn't give in, she would lose him.

And now that imaginary line on the bedroom carpet was taking on a _very_ real and terrifying form in Clara's mind, it was the line that threatened to force her to obey, or lose everything she truly cared about...

"Cross it, then," the Doctor said, and it sounded like a dare.

She froze, looking down at the space between them and then as she looked pleadingly into his eyes, that steel gaze was firmly set and unwavering as he looked back at her.

"_I said, cross it. Or I walk away. It's your choice."_

And she looked down at the carpet again, feeling sure no danger that she had ever encountered on her travels with the Doctor could frighten her as much as this imaginary line drawn between them, because it was pushing her towards something she feared:

_Submission. _

_Bending to the will of another._

_Would it be such a terrible thing to step over a line that existed only in her mind?  
_She looked into the Doctor's eyes again and felt stuck behind the line, afraid to cross it, afraid of letting go of absolute control.

"_Do it,"_ he said again,_ "Do it, or I'm gone."_

And still she felt too afraid to move as she looked into the Doctor's eyes and felt completely trapped by her inability to obey...

* * *

She spent a moment hesitating, and then the Doctor spoke again.

"I don't have time for this," he told her sharply, "Either cross that line or say goodbye to me now."

"But it's not fair -"

"What?" He leaned in a little closer, and suddenly the balance of power had shifted and she felt afraid. Not afraid of him, but afraid of losing him and she knew she would because he meant it, and she felt…

_Out of control?_

"What did you say?" he asked her, and she felt his breath warm against her cheek, and then he drew back again.

"I said it's not fair.._.this_, it isn't fair."

"Life isn't fair," he replied, "It's not fair for you any more than it is for me. I gave you a choice to make with your moon, I let you take over my role - welcome to my world, Clara – nothing is ever fair, even for a Timelord! Now cross that line or I'm gone. I won't ask you again."

All the pain that had been building up inside her had been held back by the wall she had kept up to keep her composure, but his words had cracked that wall and she could feel it coming down brick by brick and as it came down, she knew she could not stop all it had been holding back.

"_Don't go. Please..."_

He took a step backwards.

And she stepped forward, to be closer to him, to beg him to stay – and she crossed the line.

As she looked down at the floor she took in a sharp breath, and then as she looked back at the Doctor, he briefly smiled. The anger had gone from his eyes now, replaced by a look of satisfaction.

"That really wasn't so hard to do, was it," he said to her, "And now you've crossed the line, I suggest you do what you really want to do. I'm still waiting for one thing, and you know what it is."

But she didn't know. All she understood was that the man she loved – who did not know she loved him – had just threatened to leave her life forever, and the terror she had felt on imagining him gone had wrenched at her heart in such a way that she never, ever wanted to feel that way again.

She looked into his eyes and as he caught her expression, for a moment he looked back at her in surprise, and then the look was gone.

"Come on then," he said to her, "You crossed over to my side, left Clara's _land of absolute control_ behind you. What comes next?"

She wanted to hold him, but he didn't like hugs. She wanted to kiss him but it didn't seem enough. And she wanted to cry, she wanted to fall to her knees and weep and tell him the secrets she had locked away in her heart for so long.

But his gaze turned cold once more.

"I'm running out of patience. No games here, Clara. Over here, you do as I say. Now hurry up, I'm waiting!"

She wanted to say _I love you._

All fight was gone from her now, and as she felt stripped of her desire to be in control, she felt weak, physically weak.

She fell to her knees, and then she slid her hands up the fabric of his dark suit, looking up at him as he looked down at her.

"I'm waiting," he said again, and as she reached higher suddenly her emotions were a blur of confusion.

_She was on her knees in front of him, her hands were on him, and she didn't want to stop..._

As she reached for his zip he drew in a sharp breath, almost as if her advance had been unexpected. But he knew what he wanted, he had been waiting for this, she was sure of it.

"Slow down," he said as he quickly unbuckled his belt.

He placed one hand on the bedside table as she took him in her mouth, then he gave a soft gasp, and his other hand was stroking her hair.

"Oh Clara...you are full of surprises," he murmured, and as she hesitated, he stroked her hair again.

"_Good girl,"_ he whispered, _"That's nice, don't stop..." _And his voice was like silk and she drew him deeper into her mouth, sucking gently at first, then harder as she kept firm control on her grip, her lips sliding up and down the length of him as she sucked some more.

His breathing grew heavier and he murmured soft words of encouragement and as she closed her eyes and carried on pleasuring him, the thought crossed her mind that the Doctor had already been hard when she had tugged down his zip – had he been hard all the time they had quarrelled? _Was he always hard when he was around her? _

_She wanted to think so..._

As he grew harder still in her mouth, he stopped stroking her hair and suddenly gripped it hard, pulling at it tightly but she didn't care that he was hurting her – she was making him come and she wanted to make him come.

He thrust against her mouth and the pressure on her lips was bruising, he was breathing faster and in that moment, very human in his urge to reach orgasm.

As he came he gave a sharp gasp and she sucked again, swallowing as she felt his legs tremble, and then as she released him from her mouth she wrapped her arms around his hips, briefly holding him, gently steadying him as his legs shook for a moment.

He breathed out hard and then as he started to regain composure and balance she paused to gently kiss him just above his pubic hair and then she drew back, letting go as she looked down at the carpet, listening as he quickly tidied his clothing and pulled up his zip and buckled his belt once more.

Then Clara looked up at him slowly, and saw he was holding out his hand.

She took it and he pulled her to her feet, and then he let go of her hand once more.

As she looked into his eyes she waited, wondering what he would say. She still could not read his expression.

And then the look in his eyes lightened and he smiled.

"Well that was a surprise"!" he exclaimed as he ran his fingers through his hair and laughed as his face flushed, "A simple _sorry_ would have been enough – that's all I was asking you to say!"

Her jaw dropped for a moment.

"You mean you didn't ….you _wasn't_ asking me to -"

"No I wasn't, but it was very nice, Clara!"

For a moment anger flashed in her eyes, and she was quite prepared to slap him so hard he would indeed regenerate - but then he stepped closer his expression softened and she saw love in his eyes.

"I never knew you felt so deeply for me, or wanted to..." He paused, hesitating as he prepared to do something he was sure he would never be entirely comfortable with in this regeneration – but he needed to do it, because she needed it too and he wanted to be close to her.

The Doctor reached for her, grabbed her and pulled her tightly into his arms. As he held her he kissed her cheek, then squeezed her close to him again.

"_I know how you feel. I feel the same way. I'm glad this happened because I know now, I know you love me ...I love you too."_

And then as he let go of her he smiled and she caught a brief and heart-stoppingly beautiful glimpse of his shy side as he avoided her gaze for a second, and then he looked back at her once more.

"I think we've definitely put the past behind us now," he said, "So let's have no more talk of you wanting me gone."

"I didn't say I'd decided to stay forever," she replied, "I'm not sure. I want to be with you, but -"

"You're not sure how much you can handle?"

She nodded.

"Let's not talk about that now, I just want to be happy for a while and not think too deeply. Just for a while..."

The Doctor slid his arms around her waist and pulled her close once more, and this time he seemed more comfortable to embrace her.

"How about this – one last hurrah before you make up your mind...you and me, and the Orient Express in space...how does that sound?" He paused to kiss the side of her neck, "We can spend a couple of days on the most romantic train in the universe..."

As he let go of her she smiled, and he saw fire in her eyes that told him no matter how much she had doubted their future together, those doubts would soon fade:

_She wanted him as much as he wanted her, he was sure of that now._

"Let's go, then," he said and he held out his hand.

"Now?" she said in surprise, "I'm not sure I'm ready to go anywhere -"

"_Now,"_ he said again, and this time it sounded more like a command, and as she grasped his hand and he led her into the Tardis, he went first, taking the lead as he remembered this was the key to success, because clearly, deep down inside, being dominated was _exactly_ what Clara wanted...

And Clara had a smile on her face as she let the Doctor take the lead – it had just occurred to her that crossing that line had not been so hard to do after all, and at the end of the day, she had, for one powerful moment, tasted victory as the great and powerful - and possibly immortal - Timelord had been shattered by desire, his legs shaking as she steadied him.

_She_ had done that, an ordinary mortal human, and victory tasted good, in fact, she could still taste it in her mouth - but she didn't want to think about that too much because she knew she would giggle and then she would have to tell him she liked the taste of him, and she didn't want to giggle too much while talking with him about the first ever encounter... there would be more, of course there would – and she was tingling with excitement at the thought of it.

As he led her into the Tardis, the Doctor felt elated too. He wanted to do a little dance and punch the air and shout _YES! _but he did none of those things, because he could not do that in front of Clara.

Instead as the Tardis took off, he had a look of satisfaction in his eyes and a smile on his face as he exchanged a glance with her over the console:  
While it was true not much was left in the universe to surprise a two thousand year old Timelord, this woman was an exception to the rule.

_Finally, he had Clara Oswald. _

_That was something to smile about.._.


	2. Chapter 2 : Tell Him

**Tell Him**

**AU (Dominant 12 x Clara).**

**Now Clara has crossed the line and surrendered her will to the Doctor, he is determined to reinforce her new found ability to bow down to his dominance by insisting she finally ends her relationship with Danny Pink. And the Doctor has already decided this is _not_ negotiable...**

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**Rated M**

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**Warnings: Rated M for content including domination/submission, sexual scenarios and conversations.**

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**Disclaimer: I own nothing at all, I write for love of this fandom!**

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Chapter 2 : Tell Him

How life had changed for Clara Oswald, by simply crossing an imaginary line.

But that line was not imaginary now, because she acknowledged its existence fully – that line had been crossed, it had not been real on the carpet when the Doctor had drawn it with his finger, but it was certainly real inside her head:

_She had stepped over that line and given up her control._

_And perhaps it was what she had always wanted, secretly._

There was nothing so head-swimmingly erotic than to be on her knees, looking up at him while he looked down at her and commanded her to give him oral sex...

Much more than that had happened since the day she had crossed the line – several trips in the Tardis later and she was still lying to Danny, still letting him think the Doctor was no more than a friend...

She had even taken a call while the Doctor was behind her, taking her roughly and she swore he fucked her that little bit harder as she spoke on the phone, as if making a silent protest that the last of her control was yet to be relinquished – she still had not ended her relationship with Danny, because that would be hard to do, and she wished she never had to do it, simply because she didn't want to hurt him.

But it was what the Doctor wanted, and he was the one she truly loved.

She knew it, but to say it while looking into Danny's eyes was painful, and she didn't want to inflict pain on him just because her selfish heart had been reluctant to make a choice that should have been made a long time ago...

_The blame rested firmly with her, and she knew it..._

As the Tardis engines fell silent the Doctor turned to her.

"You're home. I hope this visit will be brief because your other home – your _real _one, is here, in the Tardis with me."

It was hard to look him in the eye because his words had deepened her sense of guilt.

As the Doctor stepped closer and placed his hands on her hips she felt a bolt of excitement shoot through her body, as if she was already aching for his penetration again.

"Don't be away too long with soldier boy," he said to her, "Remember I'm a patient man but my patience is _not_ infinite. _You'll have to tell him eventually_."

A troubled look clouded her eyes.

"Eventually," she agreed, "I need to choose the right moment."

Then she couldn't read the expression in his eyes as blue turned steel grey.

"_Hurry up and do it,"_ he said softly, _"That day is already long overdue."_

Then he let go of her and turned back to the Tardis controls.

She had caught a look on his face that made her wonder if he felt sad on letting her go, and it made her heart ache.

He glanced back at her.

"Still here? I thought you had to run back to the PE teacher?"

And she felt awkward again.

That line she had crossed, that imaginary line, was burning into her thoughts as she looked into his eyes.

"I...won't be long," she said, but no matter how sweetly she had said it, she still felt guilty.

Something had changed by crossing that line – it had not just brought them closer together, but the balance of power had shifted, and shifted in a way she found strangely welcome, enabling her to experience the freedom of letting go of her rigid need for self control. She had not realised until now that handing over control to another could actually feel..._liberating?_

She glanced at him again, taking in his lean build and the way the cut of his elegant suit emphasised his slim but athletic body hidden beneath that fabric.

"Maybe I don't need to go just yet."

He cocked an eyebrow.

"_Maybe?_ It's a _yes_ or a _no_ in _my_ world, Clara."

She felt as if she was back in that moment, crossing the line all over again – and it was intoxicating, it made her head swim as sure as it made her powerfully aroused. He was working his magic again, like crushing her slowly, holding her in a steel hand covered by a silk glove as he slowly exerted his dominance over her simply by the power of a look, or a few words...

She made up her mind.

"_Danny can wait."_

The Doctor smiled and turned from the console, walking over to her slowly and deliberately and with every footfall that sounded from the soles of his polished shoes, she felt her excitement rising, every nerve in her body tingling.

"If you're trying to tell me you want some more of what I gave you this morning in bed, I think we really should have a talk about you and Danny and how you need to explain this situation to Mr Pink. But that's not for right now..."

She looked up at him and felt mesmerised by the way he held her in his gaze, and as he brushed a stray lock of hair out of her eyes, his touch was all she needed to make her ache for more.

"Now," he said softly, "Tell me what you want, Clara."

"_More."_

"More, what?"

"_More of you, please."_

The words had been whispered, she still could not voice her need for him, loudly declare her submission to his dominance, but her whispered words had pleased him.

The Doctor checked the time.

"I think we can fit something special in between now and when you break the news of us to soldier boy."

Her eyes widened in alarm

"Now? So soon?"

He was giving her that look again, the look she didn't want to quarrel with, the one that made her head swim and filled her with the urge to drop to her knees and look up at him as he stood over her, all powerful and dominant, and the sight of him doing that naked was even more mind-blowing than now, as he did it standing over her in his black suit at the Tardis console...

"Yes, today," he replied, "I've decided that today you_ will _tell Mr Pink you and him are over because he was right all the long, you are in love with the Doctor. Unless of course there's a reason why you can't say that to him? Am I wasting my time here?"

"No!" That reply had come out with a little too much desperation, because the tone of his voice had reminded her of the day he had demanded she crossed the line – or he would leave her life forever...

"Just...give me a few hours, I need to find a way to say it gently."

"I don't care how you say it, but he's going to be told today and you _will _tell him."

The Doctor placed his hands on her hips and turned her around.

She gave a sharp gasp as he pushed her skirt up to her waist and tugged down her underwear.

"One for the road, I think, before you go out there and give soldier boy the bad news."

"But I'm ready to leave -"

"I know that."

"I've had a shower -"

"_What's the matter? Don't want to meet your boyfriend smelling like you've had sex with a Time Lord?"_

He had whispered those words in her ear as he leaned in close behind her, then as she heard him unbuckle his belt a shiver ran through her body as she leaned over the console, wet and aching as she parted her thighs.

His breath was warm against her cheek as he whispered to her again:

"_I think your body is answering for you, Clara. We both know its me you want, am I right?"_

And she gave a moan as he slipped his hand between her legs, siding his long, graceful fingers through wetness that was making her warm and sticky.

"Yes, it's you of course it is!"

"_Good girl. That's all I needed to hear."_

He kissed her cheek and she turned her head, hungry for the taste of his mouth, but now his hands were on her hips and he thrust into her deeply, as if to reinforce the fact that she was indeed completely his...

* * *

The Doctor took her hard and fast, his movement a firm in and out, in a rapid rhythm that was bruising as she leaned facing the console, clinging on as her body jolted with every thrust.

"Who do you belong to?" he panted breathlessly.

"_You!" _she gasped, _"Always you!"_

His breathing quickened as his grip on her hips grew bruising and he fucked her harder, then as he gave a gasp and flooded her with a hot, powerful orgasm, he gave a sharp cry and then buried himself inside her once more as he stood there still joined to her, and she felt every last throb of his orgasm until it faded away.

Then the Doctor withdrew from her and paused to tidy his clothing.

"Maybe tonight I'll take you to bed and be a little more gentle. _If_ you earn it."

She turned around and tugged down her skirt and he smiled.

"I won't be gone long," she promised.

Then the expression in his eyes changed, and the look he gave her melted her heart as he stepped closer, he paused to run his fingers through her hair, and then he kissed her tenderly.

"I know this won't be easy, but it must be done. Tell Danny Pink you and him are over. Do it today, do it for me."

It wasn't a request, it was an order softly spoken.

Her heart felt heavy.

"I suppose I have to do it sooner rather than later."

She reached for her underwear, the knickers she had kicked off before their frantic lovemaking – they were _gone_?

Then she saw her underwear was clutched in the Doctor's hand.

"I need those!"

Playfulness sparkled in his eyes.

"Not around me you don't!" he said, and stuffed the knickers into his jacket pocket.

"But I have to see Danny -"

"And you'll go and see him now, I've timed this perfectly - he's finishing work, and I've landed the Tardis just up the road from the school gates. You can just pop out for five minutes, tell soldier boy its all over and then come back home to the Tardis."

Her face flushed.

"But I need to clean myself up...I can't walk out there in a short skirt with my ..."

She was blushing again.

"Let me help you out," he said teasingly, "Yes Clara, you_ will_ walk out of this Tardis in that deliciously short skirt, with your thighs wet and sticky as my semen runs out of you. I do hope the wind is blowing in the right direction - who knows, maybe he will smell sex all over you!"

She struggled to reply to such a remark.

"You're marking me like territory?"

He grinned.

"_Now there's a thought!"_

He led her to the Tardis door and then as she hesitated, all trace of dominance was gone from his eyes.

"I want you to tell him, just tell him, Clara. I love you. Keep remembering that. I need that man out of our lives."

She nodded.

"And this is something I should have told him long ago. I haven't been fair."

"And now you can put that right," the Doctor said kindly.

He caught a flicker of sadness in her eyes and drew her into a gentle embrace.

"Oh Clara, don't feel bad about this! You're setting him free, and us, too! We deserve to be happy!"

And then he drew her closer and kissed her, softly at first, then the kiss deepened. Just as she was lost in the moment, he broke off from her mouth and placed a gentle kiss at the side of her neck.

"_Don't worry."_

He kissed her again.

"_Just tell him."_

He kissed her yet again.

"_It will be alright,"_ he murmured, and then as he sucked at her neck and she felt his teeth clamp sharply making her neck throb, she gave a gasp.

"_Doctor, stop it!"_

He pulled back, kissed her cheek and looked deeply into her eyes.

"Don't worry, I didn't leave a mark. I'm two thousand years old, I know better than to leave a love bite for the world to see at a time like this!"

She looked up at him nervously.

"I'd better go and find Danny."

"You do that," the Doctor replied, and as she left the Tardis and walked down the street, he pushed the door ajar and continued to stand there, looking through the gap with a sly smile on his face...

* * *

As Clara walked away from the Tardis, Danny had left the school, turning out of the gates and walking towards her.

He saw her and smiled, and she forced a smile back and walked on, and as they met she looked at him and recalled what the Doctor had asked her to do and felt awkward, and her heart ached, but she knew where she belonged.

She just wished there was a quick and easy way to say it, because she just wanted to get this over with...

"Hi," she said, "Listen Danny, I'm sorry I haven't been around much lately, I've been busy -"

"With the Doctor?" he guessed, and she nodded.

"But I'm back now and...well, this isn't easy..."

Danny looked at her.

As he looked at her, she noticed something strange:

The look in his eyes had changed, that usual light that was always present when she returned from her travels was strangely absent...

"What?" she asked him, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

He shook his head.

"No reason, apart from that _massive clue _that you and him have something serious going on."

He thighs were still wet and she instinctively looked down, fearful that evidence of their lovemaking had tricked down her leg, but so far, so good...

"I don't know what you mean," she replied.

Danny gave her a weary look.

"I'm not stupid... Clara, I _know_ you and the Doctor have got something going on, I knew it before I saw _that_."

"Saw what?"

And to her horror, he indicated to her neck.

Her hand flew to the place where the Doctor had sucked and bitten...where the flesh still ached.

"There's nothing there!"

"_Nothing there?"_ Danny exclaimed,_ "Clara, that is a hickey and a half! Is this his way of making you his property, I'm surprised he hasn't thought of branding your arse with a hot iron!" _

And to her shame, her cheeks flushed as images like something out of a beautiful nightmare briefly filled her mind.

Then she met his gaze and her cheeks were scarlet.

"I...I didn't know it was there...it wasn't there right after he..."

"After he gave you a_ massive love bite_ for the world to see? What a juvenile, tacky thing to do! Wearing it with pride, are you? You must love it, the hallmark of the Doctor on your neck!"

Her face was still flushed.

And her insides ached and she was still wet from their lovemaking, and she wanted more...

"I'm going now," she said, "The Doctor's waiting for me."

"You do that," Danny snapped, "And when you get back to him maybe you should tell him to remind you to have a _shower_ when you get out of bed – you stink of sex, its disgusting!"

As she turned away and began to walk towards the Tardis door, her face was still flushing, but she found herself smiling:

_Everything had changed._

_The balance of power was altered forever and she liked it, she welcomed it and she was aching for the Doctor to embrace her once more._

She went inside the Tardis and closed the door behind her.

* * *

"Did you tell him?"

As he spoke the Doctor threw a lever and the Tardis took flight.

She walked over to him, joining him at the console with a flushed face but a smile about her lips.

"_Your great big love bite told the story for me."_

He looked into her eyes.

"Are you angry?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Very."

He smiled.

"Good girl, you know its for the best."

"I do now," she replied, and he took her in his arms and held her tightly, kissing her hard as he celebrated that final break she had made from the man who had come between them.

_She was all his now, he had her completely...and that was just the way he wanted it..._

* * *

**Author note: **

**There may be more chapters to this fic as and when I think them up, I love writing dominant 12! **


	3. Chapter 3 : Mr Right Hand

**Author Note: Thank you for the reviews and appreciation of this fic. It is slowly growing into quite a collection of chapters. And this chapter comes with a warning of mild to moderate S and M.**

**A reminder: Rated M!**

* * *

Chapter 3 : Mr Right Hand

They were finally free of Danny Pink, and the Doctor's mood seemed lighter for it.

"Wait till you see where I'm taking you!" he said excitedly as he gave Clara a look across the console that made her heart skip a beat, "You deserve this, Clara. We both do. A nice break away from everything, on a nice, quiet, problem-free planet, where we can spend some time together just enjoying being us."

She smiled as she saw a sparkle in his eyes.

"Is it going to be exciting?"

"Oh yes," he promised her, "But don't expect to be doing much sight seeing. I've rented a little cottage on a brand new earth colony planet, the place is still in the process of becoming a colony, a few interested parties have come up with the idea of turning it into a holiday resort, because its very warm and unspoiled and much like earth with its rural landscapes. And it's the perfect place to spend a few days together with you."

He walked around the console and joined her, sliding his arms around her waist as he held her in the blue eyed gaze that mesmerised her with such ease.

_There was more._

Clara knew it by the playful look in his eyes.

"So why won't we be exploring?"

The Doctor pulled her closer, crushing the thin fabric of her dress against the material of his dark suit, holding her close enough for the masculine scent of his skin to reach her and make her head swim and her body ache.

As he looked into her eyes he replied in a low voice:

"I'm taking you away with me to a nice quiet place where I can devote all of my time and attention to _this_."

And she gave a gasp as he pressed his hand against the fabric of her clothing, slid his hands between her legs and gave a squeeze.

As she looked up into his eyes her pupils dilated and he smiled.

"You'd better not be ready for me right now, Clara – there's something I want you to do for me when we get there before the fun begins."

"Like what?" she asked.

The Doctor slid his hand up her skirt, ran his fingers through her soft pubic hair and then gave a gentle tug.

"I'm planning to spend the whole weekend playing with you down there, but I don't want to spend the rest of the time picking your hairs out of my teeth. _Lose it. Shave it right off and then the fun can begin_."

Her face was flushed now and as he felt her growing instantly wet to his touch, he withdrew his hand.

"You...you're going to spend the whole weekend ..._going down_ on me?" Her question had been asked in a hushed, breathless tone. She was trembling with excitement at the idea of it.

The Doctor chuckled and shook his head.

"Not exactly, Clara. There's a new rule I'm going to introduce you to – no orgasm until I say. _You don't come without my permission, or I'll spank you hard_."

Her expression changed as she hesitated as doubts crept into her mind.

"But that's a bit too..._ controlling_, I mean, shouldn't it be up to me when I -"

"No," he replied, "Not any more. You crossed the line. You're in my world now."

And Clara fell silent, still deep in thought, as the Doctor turned back to the Tardis controls, and they continued on their way to their destination.

* * *

Clara's excitement slowly turned to aching frustration as she waited for the journey to be over. She still felt unsure about the Doctor demanding to control her ability to orgasm – until now, she had never imagined anyone would want to do something like that, but of course, her relationships before him had been decidedly vanilla, none more so than her romance with Danny Pink, _Mr Missionary Position_ who was not at all adventurous...

The thought of shaving in a place she had never shaved before was enticing. She liked the idea because she wondered what it would feel like to be bare in such a sensitive place – of course, she has trimmed and partly shaved in the summer time for trips to the beach in her bikini, but to go the whole way and shave it all off?

_That was something new to Clara..._

As the Tardis landed, she looked to the Doctor and smiled, feeling a little shy as she wondered exactly what he planned to do to her.

"Have you always been like this?"

He turned away from the console.

"Like what?"

"Kinky."

He smiled too.

"Oh yes, you bet I have. I'm two thousand years old – a man can't age_ that_ much and not acquire a few_ tastes_ along the way."

Then he took her by the hand, and they left the Tardis together.

* * *

They stepped out into countryside with rolling hills and fields where trees and shrubbery lined a wide country lane. The Doctor had been right – this area would not have looked out of place on earth...

"I arranged this in advance," he told her as they walked together, still holding hands, "The place is ready for us, the kitchen is stocked up and the keys are hidden in the porch way. No one will call on us, I have left instruction that we are not to be disturbed for the duration of our stay."

She looked around at the sunlit fields. Birds sang in trees and the air smelled fresh and clean.

"Its so peaceful here," she said.

"And as soon as we get to the cottage," the Doctor told her, "The fun will begin, because I'm getting impatient."

And he glanced at her and she caught that look again, the way his eyes darkened with desire, and a thrill ran through her body.

"What did you mean?" she asked him, "About spanking me? Was that a joke?"

The look in his eyes answered for him.

Clara's smile faded.

"That wasn't a joke... well,okay but not too hard, I hope!"

They had reached a gate that led to a cottage set in a flower filled garden. The Doctor gave her hand a squeeze.

"Don't worry too much – _Mr Right Hand_ is quite gentle... He's the warm up for the real thing."

"What real thing?"

Clara sounded worried, nervous, and he resisted the urge to smile as he was filled with a sense of deliciously hot satisfaction that maybe, she was just that little bit scared now...

"My folded leather belt will do the rest," he said softly, "But after a few slaps from my hand you''ll soon be warmed up and ready for it."

And he led her up the path. It occurred to her that the Doctor was literally leading her up the garden path, but to what, she was not quite sure...

* * *

The cottage was quaint and charming and would not have looked out of place on earth somewhere out in the countryside.

But she had little time to take in the décor.

As soon as the Doctor retrieved the key from beneath a potted plant on the porch step, he unlocked the door opened it and led her inside, then he closed the door again.

"Upstairs," he said, and it sounded more like an order than a request.

She hesitated.

"Right now?"

He glanced up the stairs.

"Get in the bathroom. You have something to do. I'll be waiting for you in the bedroom."

And he held her in his gaze, it was that look he had given her on the day he had told her to cross the line. She remembered it with a sense of dread mixed with excitement, and as her face flushed, she turned away and then made her way up the narrow stairway in search of the bathroom.

Moments later, while she was alone in a white tiled bathroom with floral curtains, she heard the Doctor make his way up the stairs.

Clara listened, her excitement growing as he passed the closed door way, and then walked on to the master bedroom.

Then she continued with the task of slowly and carefully shaving in a place she had never shaved before as she sat on the edge of the bath, her legs spread as she did as he had asked and shaved herself bare.

It was not as difficult to do as she had imagined, she did not cut herself and afterwards, as she stood naked under the shower and let the water dance over her skin, she was surprised at just how erotic and sensual it felt to have water trickle warm over newly bared skin, and in such a sensitive place.

She wanted to play with herself, she wanted to stroke herself and cautiously feel the smooth skin and close her eyes and enjoy the new sensation but she knew the Doctor would not be happy if she did that, all alone in the bathroom – this was for his pleasure, and she was expected to follow his instructions...

After turning off the water and drying herself with a towel, she took another, dry towel and wrapped it about her body, then, with her hair damp at her shoulders and her face flushed as she anticipated all that was to come, Clara left the bathroom, went up the hall and headed for a door that was half open, it was the master bedroom, and in there, she saw the Doctor, still in his immaculate dark suit, standing there in the middle of the room, waiting for her...

* * *

"_You took your time."_

The Doctor was looking at her accusingly as he stood there in the middle of the room, his dark jacket open showing a flash of the red lining within.

"Sorry," she said softly.

He had the look in his eyes again, the one that said he had gone into full dominant mode, making his blue eyes look steel grey and burn with intensity that made her knees feel weak.

She used to take that look as a cue to start a quarrel with the man she had once thought of as an arrogant Time Lord, but not now, too much had happened and now, that look made her legs go to jelly and her sex grow hot and ache for his penetration...

"Take that off," he said, indicating to her towel.

She obeyed him, taking it off and letting it fall to the floor.

Then he paused for a moment, taking in the sight of her naked body, and his gaze shifted between her legs and as he looked intently at her newly shaved sex.

"Get on your knees," he said to her, and it was a command that was too easy to follow as she dropped to the carpet, weak with desire and anticipation of all that would happen next.

As she sank to her knees he stood over her and she looked up at him.

"I want you so much," she said breathlessly,_ "Please, do it now...you promised me...attention, down there, all weekend...oh I can't wait!"_

He placed his hand on her head, softly stroked her hair and then his fingers tangled in her hair and he gripped it tightly, making her gasp.

"_I _say when," he reminded her, "It's not up to you. _Never_ try and step back over that line. I am a_ very_ dominant man and I will _not_ tolerate it!"

She drew in a shaken breath.

"I'm sorry..."

"What?"

"I said I'm sorry, Doctor!"

"That's better. Stand up."

She obeyed him, and now her whole body felt like jelly. Had he spoken to her like this before she had crossed that line, there would have been yet another bitter quarrel. But so much had changed now, in beautiful, intoxicating ways and now she knew she could never go back if she tried. The Doctor had opened a door and she was glad she had walked through it and found this strange paradise, because it was a place she knew she belonged...

* * *

He led her over to the bed and then then eased her into position. As she leaned forward, her hands flat against the edge of the bed, her legs spread as he stood behind her, she waited for the sound of his belt being unbuckled, for his zip to slide down...he was taking her from behind, wasn't he?

_But nothing happened._

She didn't look around, in case he took it as a sign of disobedience.

"Doctor?" she said quietly.

"Shh," he replied softly, and then he slid his hand between her legs, ran his fingertips up and down her shaved sex and the sensation made her gasp.

"Don't you dare," he whispered, "_Not_ until I say!"

"I'm trying..." she gasped, but then his fingers slid into her wetness and as he gave her clitoris a gentle, up and down movement, rubbing lightly, the sensation against newly bared flesh and the wetness that spilled out from her own increasing heat was too much.

She drew in a sharp breath, thrusting her hips forwards against his hand, urging him to go harder and faster.

"_I said no!"_

His other hand dealt a slap to her backside, and the shock made her catch her breath.

"Don't do that again," he said, and he slapped her again, this time harder, a sharper blow that made her whimper. Then as he kept one hand clamped firmly over her wet and swollen sex, he slapped her again and again, by now her backside was stinging even after each blow was dealt, and her body was in a swirl of confusion, caught between pain and arousal until the edges began to blur...

"_Oh Doctor...please!"_ she said breathlessly, squirming as she tried to rub herself against the hand she had soaked with her juices.

"No," he replied in a calm, measured voice that told her at once, it was out of her hands:

_Maybe she would come, maybe not..._

_It was not longer up to her._

_It was up to the Doctor._

He let go of her, and then placed his hand on her back.

"Stay."

She nodded, her breath coming in short bursts as her backside stung and felt hot from the spanking, and her sex ached and felt swollen painfully with a desire that was begging for release that she feared may not be granted.

"You're far too sensitive, too willing to get it over with," he said to her as she heard him unbuckle his belt, "I told you before, when _I _say, Clara, _not_ when you desire it. That's the rules from now on."

And she heard a swish as he slid his belt from his trousers.

"I'm going to teach you a little lesson," he said in a low voice, "Would you like that?"

She hesitated, and he leaned closer and repeated the question, his breath hot against her skin as he whispered in her ear:

"_Would you like to learn something new today, Clara Oswald?"_

"Yes," her voice was hushed, she could barely speak as she gave a nervous glance and saw he had the leather belt folded over in his hand.

"Keep still," he said as he straightened up, "Or I'll hit you even harder."

And he began to slap her with the folded belt. Every blow stung against her backside sharply, stinging deeply, bringing tears to her eyes.

He could have hit her harder, it wasn't enough to bruise – but certainly enough to leave red marks and she was sure she would be reminded of this for several days to come, every time she tried to sit down.

She closed her eyes, her body shaking as she took slap after slap from that folded belt, it was happening again, pain and pleasure mixing, lines blurring, leading to a point where pain was becoming pleasure and with every blow to her backside, her aching sex seemed more swollen, wetter, making a silent scream for release.

And then, finally, he stopped spanking her.

She was breathless and sweating and aching for orgasm. Her backside stung and burned with the force of the sharp blows but that bare sensitive skin between her legs was still wet and swollen and she wanted to scream at him to grant her release.

"You've done well," the Doctor said, "Finally, you're not trying to control the situation. I think it's time for a reward."

And she gave a gasp as he slid the folded belt between her legs and slowly ran it down her shaved flesh.

Then with a quick, brutal movement of his wrist, he drew the belt downwards and brought it up sharply, slapping her between her legs, right where she ached, where the flesh was bare, where it hurt most of all...

She gave a gasp of pain and then sobbed.

"_No..."_ she begged him, _"Not there, please, Doctor..."_

He slapped her again, and pain and pleasure began to blur so fast that in her mind she could almost see those two lines cross. She was hurting, it was painful, she had not expected him to take that belt and hit her there...

Then just as quickly, that folded leather belt was pressed hard against her aching sex, and he began to use it to rub at her, and it was all she needed.

"_Yes,Clara,"_ he said softly, _"You've been a good girl. You can come now."_

And she did, she came hard, soaking the belt as she cried out with helpless ecstasy as her legs shook the climax overtook her body.

As she slumped to the bed he slid the belt away from her body and she weakly turned on her back to see him run his fingers down the belt, working her wetness into the leather, and then he put the belt back on and buckled it once more.

Then he stood over her, she was on her back on the bed, legs open, too weak to move because that orgasm had temporarily blown her mind.

"What do you say?" he asked her.

"_Thank you," _she whispered.

Then as she closed her eyes she felt the mattress shift and she looked up to see the Doctor was sitting beside her.

"You did well," he promised her, and then he took her into his arms and kissed her and finally, after a hard lesson, she had her reward – the Doctor's tenderness.

Then she slept deeply in his arms, dreaming of this new life she had come to cherish, a life where she would ever be grateful she had once decided to cross a line...


	4. Chapter 4 : Worship Me

Chapter 4 : Worship Me

_Clara was in bed at the cottage._

The weekend was not over yet, and she still stung and felt sore and was aching from the night before, when the Doctor had slapped her with his belt.

She looked down at her naked body, noticing how her bare sex was still pink and swollen, partly from the spanking, and partly from the oral sex he had given her in the middle of the night.

_He had said, this weekend was all about her pleasure._

As she thought about that she felt a tingle and slid her hand between her legs, feeling surprised that being spanked with a belt down there, in such a tender place, could bring up such feelings of arousal that simply refused to let up...

_So much had changed since yesterday._

_So much had changed ever since she had crossed that imaginary line._

She had never imagined she would want to live like _this,_ the submissive partner of a dominant man...

She toyed with her swollen, tender folds of flesh and then withdrew her hand, her clitoris was somewhere between bruised and screaming for another orgasm, but the Doctor controlled her ability to do that now, and she knew the rules:

_Only when he said she could..._

She lay back and gave a sigh of contentedness mixed with the desire for more.

The Doctor was in bed beside her, on his back and sleeping soundly, the covers were off both of them and she wanted to wake him with kisses but decided to let him sleep, partly because she loved to look at him naked, and partly because he had made it clear, he was always in control, and therefore she assumed he would wake when he chose to.

She smiled at the thought that she was turning into a real slave for this man, but it felt so wonderful and right to do so.

If she had been told six months ago that she would be in this situation, she never would have believed it.

But that was back in the days when she had not crossed a line, had not fallen to her knees and looked up at that very dominant man and then gratefully – yes, she had been _so_ grateful he had allowed it – she had gratefully taken his erection into her mouth...

_Now here she was, a changed person._

All her control freak ways gone, spanked out of her, fucked out of her, and climaxed out of her in the most painful and beautiful of ways.

There was no point thinking back to the person she used to be, back in the days when she still had pubic hair – here she was, shaved and swollen and stinging from a heavy spanking session, and thankful that it had happened...

Clara got up, threw on a short, silken dressing gown and went downstairs, and then she cooked breakfast for herself, and then afterwards, she cooked breakfast for the Doctor, and placed it on a tray with a cup of coffee and took it upstairs to him.

* * *

As she opened the door he was waking, and she placed the tray next to the bed and kissed his cheek.

"Morning," she said softly.

He blinked tired eyes and looked up at her and smiled.

"Good morning, Clara. Thank you for the breakfast."

Then he got up, went to the bathroom, then after a short while he came back, got into bed, placed the tray on the bed and began to eat.

In between eating and sipping his morning coffee, he glanced at her as she sat on the edge of the bed, and he smiled.

"I think you and me are going to work out very nicely," he told her, "You're far more willing than I expected you to be. I'd expected breaking the control freak to take time. I'm glad it was easier than I first assumed."

She smiled.

"I never knew letting go could be so..." she paused searching for the right word.

"Liberating?" he suggested.

She nodded.

"Yes, that's what I wanted to say – it's crazy, giving up so much control yet feeling so free for doing it. But I wouldn't want to change that now."

The Doctor set the tray on a table next to the bed, drank the last of his coffee and set the cup down.

"There's a reason for that," he told her, "You kept yourself locked up too tightly, too much control all the time. You couldn't enjoy real freedom until you surrendered to it."

His eyes looked as blue as the skies beyond the window.

She smiled again.

"I know you're right," she said softly, "It feels right to me, it makes perfect sense now."

The look in his eyes softened.

"Come back to bed. This weekend is all about you and I'm not going to spend every second of it reminding you who the boss is around here, you've proved your obedience. Now let me hold you."

_Those words felt like a beautiful reward._

* * *

As she got back into bed and slid into his arms, Clara felt wrapped in a blanket of warmth and love that made her feel more safe than she had ever felt in her life before. Maybe it was the fact that she was with the the man she loved, who pushed her so painfully, yet would never really hurt her. Maybe it was knowing that – or simply that their new found passion for her submission to his will had brought out a new, deeper level of trust between them.

What ever it was, it felt wonderful.

Clara kissed him and he took her in his arms, then he rolled her on her back and parted her legs and made gentle love to her, every movement made her gasp as he thrust against her, jarring her tender clitoris, and each of those movements sent her closer to the edge.

"_Don't,"_ he whispered, and she gave a moan of frustration as he shifted position, thrust in and out harder and faster, avoiding contact with her swollen clitoris as he took his own pleasure and reached orgasm quickly.

As he drew away from her, he caught a look of loss in her eyes as she silently pleaded for release.

"Go and run me a nice hot bath," he told her, "You can bathe afterwards. Do it now, Clara," and he winked, "Be a good slave..."

She kissed his cheek in reply and then got out of bed, and went through to the bathroom.

* * *

Clara ran a hot bath as she had been asked, and then the Doctor joined her in the bathroom. He slid into the water and sank down with a relaxed sigh, and as he asked her to wash him, she felt the tingle of an erotic thrill pass through her body.

He lay back with his eyes closed as she ran her hands slowly over every inch of him, as she bathed him she felt a growing sense of deep satisfaction at being reduced to the level of slave, all of a sudden that body she had longed to touch had become her focus of worship, and it was intoxicating.

When he was ready to get out, he got up and grabbed a towel and told her she could bathe in his water.

She smiled as she stepped into the bath, and as the water covered her she looked up to see him standing there, watching her sink into the bubbles gratefully.

"Clara," the Doctor said, "Doesn't it bother you that you're using second hand bath water?"

She laughed softly.

"It's yours."

Amusement danced in his eyes.

"_How do you know I didn't pee in it?"_ he teased.

Her cheeks flushed as she looked into his eyes and found herself unable to lie.

"It's yours," she said again, and the Doctor laughed, and then he left the bathroom.

* * *

Clara took her time in the bath, the warm water soaked away the aches left over from the session with the folded belt. As she lay in the water she closed her eyes, smiling as she thought about how life was turning out:

_This was not bad at all, in fact, it was wonderful..._

When she got out of the water she dried her self, then wrapped a small towel about her slender form and left her hair damp and hanging loose at her shoulders, and then she left the bathroom.

When she walked back into the bedroom she got something of a surprise – or was it a shock?

The Doctor was dressed now, looking immaculate in his black suit, and as he stood there in the middle of the room he snapped his fingers and pointed to the carpet.

"_Get back behind the line," _he said sharply.

* * *

Clara stared at him.

"The line? Why? We've already done that – I don't understa -"

"_Do it!"_

She walked over to him, leaving a space between them, where in her mind, that imaginary line had reappeared.

"Lose the towel," he told her, and she took it off and tossed it aside, and as he saw the look of confusion in her eyes, his own gaze darkened as he smiled.

"Something wrong, Clara?"

"I don't understand why I have to do this again."

"You will," he replied, "Take a good look at me."

She did, she took in his immaculate, groomed appearance, and still did not understand.

"Need a clue?" he asked, and she nodded.

The Doctor gestured to his black and white polka dot shirt.

"Last time I wore this, you was _very_ rude to me. _Very disrespectful_."

"But that was when you made me choose – the fate of the moon, it was difficult and -"

"_Shut up!"_

Clara fell silent, looking at him with wide eyes.

"That's better," he said, "You don't speak until I ask you to, if you open your mouth at any other time I will assume you want me to put something in it, have you got that?"

And he glanced downwards below his belt then back at Clara as a smile played about his lips.

"You look confused. You can ask _one_ question."

"Yes I remember we quarrelled. What is this...you want me to apologise again?"

"Very good. I want you to apologise properly, I want you to know your place, which is on your knees looking up at me because _that_ is where you belong. And you will worship me. Tell me how much you worship me. Then I might let you undress me."

She stepped closer, crossing the imaginary line, and then she sank to her knees.

She looked up at him.

He looked down at her.

Clara paused for a moment, then she leaned closer to the carpet, and kissed his polished shoes.

"Good girl," he said softly, and his words felt like a sweet reward.

Then she looked up at him again.

"Doctor, I'm sorry I ever disrespected you. I was wrong, I was angry and I did something terrible. I spoke to you harshly and I should never have done that. Please, forgive me. I worship you."

And she leaned close to the floor again, and for a second time she kissed his shoes and they smelled of leather and polish and the scent of him all mixed together, and as she looked up at him again her head swam with desire.

"Tell me what I am to you," he said.

"_Everything." _she whispered.

The Doctor walked around her, and as he circled her, she felt entirely trapped in his control.

"Do you still think I try to be a good man?"

As he stood before her again she looked up in surprise, that question had not been expected at a time like this...

"I believe so."

He smiled briefly as he thought about her reply.

"You believe so?"

He let his hand rest on the top of her head, and then he gently stroked her hair, as if she were some kind of exotic pet.

She was still looking up at him.

"I believe you try to be a good man, always."

"Or maybe you _hope_ I am," he replied as he continued to stroke her hair as she knelt before him, "That's the dream of every submissive woman – to find a kind and dominant man, a good man who will wrap her in a velvet blanket of darkness and love and never really hurt her, not truly... but the truth is, most dominant men are dominant because they enjoy it a little too much. There are very few kind and loving men who also love to dominate."

"I believe you are kind."

He looked down at her and stroked her hair again.

"You mean you hope I am, for your sake."

"I _think _you are..."

She sounded unsure.

The Doctor spoke again.

"Ah, but you see, Clara, I might not be. You don't know for sure. You don't know how far I might want to go. Maybe I'll get so turned on by your screaming I'll decide to _really_ hurt you one day. Has that thought not occurred to you?"

Her eyes were even wider now, as he looked down at her she looked so scared, so vulnerable that he knew she was reaching the end of her tolerance for this game.

"Answer me," he said in a low voice, "Do you think I am a kind man, or not?"

She nodded.

"Yes," she whispered, "Yes, I believe you are."

And suddenly the darkness vanished from his eyes and he took her by both hands and pulled her to her feet.

"Correct," he said warmly, "Of _course_ I am! You got lucky, Clara Oswald, because this idiot who flies about the universe in his blue box is a very kind man. He has a few strange ways and some nasty kinks but he would never, _ever_ harm you."

As he smiled so did she, and he pulled her into his arms and kissed her, then led her over to the bed, and as he pulled her down on to soft covers and held her tightly, love shone in his eyes as he spoke softly to her again:

"_Games, Clara, that's all it is. Games I couldn't live without, but I'm glad we understand each other."_

And then as he kissed her she clung to him, and this time, the Doctor made love to her gently, and whispered that he loved her, while he held her and caressed her and gave her that sweet release of climax she had been aching for, and this time he did so with absolute tenderness, proving all he had just said was true.


	5. Chapter 5 : Branded

**Author note:**

**A reminder this is an M Rated fic, also that it is AU - and this chapter contains scenes of BDSM.**

* * *

Chapter 5 : Branded

It was their last day at the cottage.

The Doctor had plans for when they left, involving a little something he was planning to try out on Clara when they went back to the Tardis... But he hadn't told her about that yet, as they lay in bed together and he listened to her soft moans as his long, slender fingers worked their magic between her legs.

She gave a gasp and closed her eyes as her face began to flush.

"_Look at me," _he said in a low voice, and she dragged her eyes open.

His fingers continued to work on her, his long, graceful fingers, the fingers of a pianist, working their magic firmly and without mercy as she soaked his fingertips and that flush to her face grew deeper.

"I know you're coming, tell me, Clara. What are you thinking of?"

She gave another gasp.

"_You...don't stop..."_

A slow smile spread across his face as his fingers continued to work on her, keeping her on the edge.

"What are you wishing I was doing to you?"

She blinked, wanted to shut her eyes again but he had told her to keep them open. Images flickered through her mind and she gave another gasp.

"_Burn me!"_ she said breathlessly, _"Mark me, brand me..."_ and the Doctor's rhythm picked up by a fraction and Clara was tipped over the edge, gasping desperately and crying out as she came hard.

* * *

A short while later she was in his arms and he was looking into her eyes, and then he laughed softly.

"You seriously want me to _brand_ you? Where did _that_ come from?"

Clara had only just lost the flush of orgasm, now her cheeks were burning again, out of embarrassment.

"The day you gave me the love bite..." her fingers were toying with the soft hair that covered the middle of his chest and she could barely meet his gaze as she spoke, "When I ended it with Danny...he said he was surprised you hadn't branded me and..."

She hesitated.

Then she heard the Doctor laugh, and looked at him sharply.

"Don't! I couldn't help it, the image came to mind of -"

"You and soldier boy and a hot iron?" he teased, but there was no malice in his voice, he was just trying to make her blush grow, and he was succeeding.

"No! _You_ doing it to me...branding me... I couldn't help it, the image just popped into my head!"

The Doctor turned on his back and laughed again.

"Oh Clara, thank goodness one of us knows when to pull back and keep it safe, sane and consensual! _Branding?_ _Seriously?_ That _excites_ you? It would hurt, a lot!"

She smiled as she shifted closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder.

"I know that. Maybe it's just a fantasy...I'm not sure."

"Well it's going to have to stay a fantasy," he told her, "I'd have to be very sure about a safe way to do it before I even thought of attempting that..."

And then he fell silent.

He was deep in thought.

"Maybe there is a way..." he said thoughtfully, and a bolt of arousal shot through Clara, making her catch her breath.

"Really?"

He looked into her eyes.

"I'm not saying yes, and I'm not saying no either. Give me some time on this one, I might be able to come up with something."

Then he kissed her and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?"

He glanced back at Clara as he grabbed his clothes and started to get dressed.

"I've just got to go and do something – I'll be back before tonight."

"Can I come with you?"

The Doctor grinned, and there was a mischievous sparkle in his eyes.

"No," he replied, "Because it's a surprise!"

Then he was dressed and out the door and moments later Clara watched from the window as the Tardis vanished from sight.

She stood at that window for a while, looking at the spot where the blue box stood as every nerve in her body tingled and she wondered what her lover was up to now...

* * *

The Doctor had set a course for Victorian London, planning to meet with Madame Vastra, who he felt sure had an adventurous sex life with her wife Jenny, and while perhaps branding was not on the agenda for them, no doubt Vastra would be able to give him a few tips on how to do it safely...

But when the Tardis landed, as he stepped out into a shady alley way that led to a bustling London street, fate was about to take a _very _different turn indeed...

As the Doctor walked towards the end of the alley, he thought about the fact that he was far from home, and here in old London the world was a very different place to the one Clara came from...

Here, there were brothels and prostitutes who would do anything, absolutely anything for the right price, and he could go about it so anonymously...

_No._

_He pulled back from that thought._

The dominant sadist within him was a mere element of who he was, certainly not all of who he was – but that dark side of him, much like a dog, sometimes needed to be let loose to run free and right now, it was yanking at its chain, pulled towards all kinds of depths of depravity...

"_Stop it!"_ the Doctor muttered, pulling back and exercising strict self control, _"I never cross my own line..."_

As he stepped out into the street, he collided with someone.

The woman tumbled to the ground and gave a gasp of alarm as he temporarily pinned her down – it had been unintentional, but as he looked at her striking eyes and her dark hair and realised there was something familiar about her features, he also noticed something else – as he lay tight against her, he detected the beat of twin hearts, hammering hard from the shock of their collision...

"I'm so sorry!" he exclaimed, and he got up at once and took her by the hand and helped her up.

The woman stared at him.

_Of course she would._

_He knew her now._

He knew her because he used to know _him_...

"And what might your name be, pretty lady?" he said, smiling as he looked into her eyes.

That smile made her eyes fill with longing, deep longing to be joined in union with another of her kind.

Of course, the Master had regenerated into a female body this time, and no doubt her mind was also female, filled with unrealistic thoughts of what might happened between her and the Doctor when their paths crossed again...

_So, a female Master had the hots for him?_

The Doctor smiled again.

"Your name?" he asked softly.

"My name is Missy," she replied, "And you are?"

"Oh, you can call me the Doctor, all my friends do," he replied, "And I am so sorry about just now. Let me make it up to you. Let me take you out for dinner."

Missy looked stunned.

Then she smiled and desperation gleamed in her eyes.

"I would love to accept your invitation!"

"I thought you might say that," the Doctor replied, and then they linked arms and he led her along the bustling street towards a fine restaurant.

* * *

They spent an hour in the restaurant.

The Doctor ensured the wine flowed freely throughout the meal, and that Missy consumed almost all of it. She slipped off her shoe and ran her foot up his leg under the table, and the Doctor gave her a wink.

"Very soon," he promised her, "I'm going to show you something amazing. I'm taking you back to my place."

And Missy's eyes filled with lust.

"Oh Doctor, you have no idea just how much, how long...no, forget I said that! I mean, I feel overwhelmed by you...and I want more!"

Missy was merry from the wine. She had missed the hint of malice in the Doctor's eyes as they sparkled and he gave her a wolfish smile.

"Oh yes, you will get much more than you're expecting, my dear," he said to her, "So _very_ much more..."

And then as Missy took a small mirror from her bag and applied some lipstick, the Doctor quickly and casually leaned over her glass and slipped something into it. The drug dissolved quickly.

He handed her the remains of her wine.

"Drink up, I'm an impatient man."

She smiled as she took the glass from him, and swallowed the contents down in one go.

A short while later, after helping her up and putting up with her wandering hands attempting to grope him, the Doctor had retrieved her weapon from her pocket, tossed it to the ground and shattered it with the heel of his shoe.

Then as Missy giggled and clung to him, he walked her quickly back through the busy London streets, heading for that dark alleyway.

By the time he reached the Tardis, she was passed out cold.

* * *

"Wakey wakey, Missy...I suppose I should call you Missy, _Master_ doesn't seem to suit you any more..."

Missy's eyes snapped open and she gave a gasp of panic as she realised her wrists were bound securely to a pipe on the wall of the console room, and she was facing the floor, and the Doctor had stripped her naked...

"_You bastard!"_ she hissed, _"How did you know -"_

"Because I'm not stupid." the Doctor replied, and he stood over her as she raised herself up to her knees, she would have been on all fours but her wrists were tied in front of her, making movement difficult.

He placed a heavy shoe on the middle of her back and let his foot rest there for a moment.

"Stay," he said calmly.

Rage burned in Missy's eyes.

"Next time we meet I will destroy you!" she fumed.

"Maybe I'll destroy you right now," the Doctor replied, and then he leaned closer to her, his breath hot on her cheek as he whispered in her ear:

"Nice body. All woman, I've already checked. There's _lovely_ ways I can destroy you, darling...maybe I'll do it with my raging hard on, who knows?"

And she gave a gasp as her rage faded.

"You...you _want_ me?"

"Oh yes I do," he replied, and he took his foot off her back, "I need you desperately – for an experiment. My lover wants me to brand her and I really don't want to hurt her and my sonic screwdriver has many, many heat settings...I'm going to test them all out on you until I find the best one. Hope you don't mind."

She heard a low whine as the Doctor's screwdriver began to power up on a heat setting.

"No...don't do this, Doctor! I'll give you anything you want...name your price!"

She looked around at him and he saw desperation in her eyes.

"I don't have a price," he replied, and there was a hiss and then Missy screamed as he touched the glowing tip of the screwdriver to her backside.

* * *

The Doctor tried many, many heat settings before he found one that barely left a mark. Even then, it would scar, but he guessed it should have been obvious to start with the lowest setting first to come to that conclusion – but as he'd let the dog out for a nice long run today, he had decided to start at the maximum heat setting and work his way down instead...

He had turned her over now, and Missy was still tied securely, but now she was on her back, she had a shapely behind but it was covered with tiny burns, and so were her hips and thighs. She was still weak from the drug he had slipped into her drink and as she dragged her eyes open she looked at him pleadingly.

"If this is your idea of fun, give me some pleasure, reward me..." she whimpered, "Please Doctor, I'll do anything you say..."

"Of course you will - until you see a window of opportunity to turn around and betray me," he replied, and then he blew on the screwdriver, ensuring the heat had cooled.

"There's one place I haven't used it on you," he remarked, looking between her open legs, "I'd better not try a heat setting down there, I might burn everything _off _– no... let's _not_ go there..."

And Missy watched, her eyes wide with terror, as the Doctor activated the screw driver and as it started to vibrate instead of heat up, she breathed a relieved sigh.

"I'm going to disinfect this thing before I ever go near Clara with it," he remarked, "Goodness knows where you've been!"

But as the tip of screwdriver slipped between her legs, Missy gave a groan of pleasure, and he let her have that pleasure, until she thrust her hips forward, silently begging for more.

Then he drew the screwdriver back, went over to the console, opened up a port and stuck it inside and pressed a button.

"What are you doing?" Missy said, and she sounded desperate.

"Disinfecting it," he replied, "No more fun for you, Missy."

She lay back against the hard floor of the console room as frustration blazed in her eyes.

"Please!" she begged, "We can work something out, Doctor! You and me, _think _about it! I'm a woman now, we can have _so_ much fun, even this, if you call this fun, I'll learn to enjoy it!"

The Doctor walked over to her.

"Get up," he commanded.

Missy struggled, sliding her bound wrists up the pipe and weakly propping herself up on her knees as she looked up at him.

The Doctor's eyes were dark as deepest space. In that moment she held hope in her hearts that perhaps in that darkness she saw a glimmer of evil, coming out in the Doctor at last.

Then he freed his erection and her heart sank; _no – it was just animal lust mixed up with his perversions..._

"Keep still," he whispered, and as she closed her eyes she gave a gasp, feeling a rock hard erection pressed painfully against her cheek, all she had to do was turn her head and take him in her mouth...How different life was now she was a woman!

She turned her head, giving a whimper of frustration as he stepped back and put his erection away, pulling up his zip sharply.

"Sorry," he said, "That's Clara's. I just thought I'd show you what you're missing!"

Then he went back over to the console, set a course and threw a lever.

"Where are we going?" she wailed in panic.

The Doctor looked back at her and malice shone in his eyes.

"To see an old friend of mine," he replied.

* * *

When the Tardis landed Missy was still weak from the drug and all the Doctor had put her through, and as he led her from the Tardis with her hands cuffed in front of her, she half stumbled as they made their way towards the open gates of a fine old house.

"Where are we?" she said weakly.

"Earth, 1775," he replied, "And this fine château is owned by a good friend of mine. I haven't seen him for quite a while."

As they reached the entrance and the Doctor rang the bell, Missy tried in vain to close the buttons on her dress but realised the Doctor had removed them. Her skirt was torn, she felt exposed and angry but too weak to put up a fight...

"I will kill you for this!" she hissed.

"No you won't," he replied, "I'm going to let you have a little holiday with my good friend – here he is now!"

And the door opened and as a maid stepped aside, the Doctor looked at the tall handsome man in the frilled shirt and flashed a smile.

"It's been a long time since I came to visit in my blue box," he said.

The man understood at once.

"Doctor!" he exclaimed, "Your face has changed again!"

And the Doctor silently recalled the last time he had visited this château – in his ninth incarnation, with Rose, who had glared at him and said, _"You dirty bastard! Take me home NOW!" _

Yes, his attempt to introduce Rose Tyler to the_ lifestyle_ had been over before he had a chance to begin...

"I can't stop,"the Doctor said, "But I had to bring this lady to your attention."

Then he looked to Missy.

"Let me introduce you, my dear – Missy, this is my old friend the Marquis De Sade, Marquis, this is Missy..."

And the man smiled lustfully as he looked at Missy in her ripped dress.

He called to his guards, who seized her and took her off down the corridor, and she was shouting abuse all the way as she looked back at the Doctor.

Then as he stood on the doorstep, he knew he was still letting that dog run wild. It hadn't stopped since he had used Missy to test the heat levels on the screw driver. He leaned closer to De Sade and lowered his voice:

"_She begged me to bring her here. She's read Justine seventeen times! And she has a desperate desire to experience certain piercing procedures. She will deny this of course, but with Missy, no always means yes! Keep her secure, she's crazy with lust!"_

De Sade smiled.

"Thank you, Doctor. I shall be sure to have fun with her."

"And now I must bid you farewell," the Doctor said, and he turned back and walked away from the château, heading for the Tardis once more.

As the blue box took flight and the Doctor with drew the sonic screwdriver from the steriliser, he thought of Clara, but decided the branding could wait – he wanted to be sure that she was sure before he did something so permanent...

Then as he watched time and space slip by and the darkness in his eyes reflected it, he drew in a deep breath, mentally drawing back from all he had indulged in.

He loved Clara, he would never really harm her, and today the dog had slipped its chain and gone for a nice long run – but he had called it back to sleep now...

* * *

The Tardis landed beside the cottage.

It was late afternoon and the sky was still blue and lit by a lowering sun.

The Doctor found Clara in the garden, and he took her by the hand and dragged her back into the cottage quickly.

"What's the rush?" she asked him.

Then she saw the darkness in his eyes, a darkness drawn by desire, and as he freed a rock solid erection, she needed no words to know what to do.

"_All yours,"_ the Doctor said breathlessly, and she sank to her knees and took him in her mouth and he closed his eyes, giving a sigh as his secret adventure played out before his eyes, Missy screamed again, and then he grabbed Clara's hair and pulled her on to him harder, and she sucked again, and the climax was wonderful, made even more sweet by the fact that he had saved it for Clara, because no other woman would ever have the right, not now, he loved her too much to be anything other than hers, completely...


	6. Chapter 6 : Make me a Memory

Chapter 6 : Make me a Memory

The weekend they had spent at the cottage was one that would live on in Clara's fond memories forever.

But the weekend was over now and had been for several days, and the Doctor had returned the Tardis to Earth, materialising back at Clara's place, and she had stepped out into her bedroom and the Doctor had followed.

They had spent the last few days drifting in space in the Tardis, he had taken her to his bed and they had enjoyed much closeness and togetherness and very little of his kinks that she found so fascinating.

He had simply wanted to love her, and she had not minded being shown some tenderness after all that had happened.

But as she sat down on her bed and he sat beside her, she looked to the blue box that seemed cramped in that tiny corner of her room and gave a sigh.

"I thought coming home would be fun, but these days I feel happier when I'm off in the Tardis with you – that's my home now."

And her gaze fell to the carpet, right on the spot where he had drawn an imaginary line on the day that had changed their relationship forever, and she smiled.

"Until you drew that line I had no idea you had such a dark and sexy side. You hid it so well!"

The Doctor smiled too, and the love she saw shining in his eyes made her glow.

"I wouldn't have hidden it forever," he confessed, "Not from you, that would have been impossible."

Then she lay back on her bed and he lay with her, kicking off his shoes as he slid his arm around her shoulder and the two of them laid back , enjoying the silence that surrounded them as they embraced.

"This is perfect," Clara said with a smile on her face.

But that smile soon faded.

"_I want you to have sex with another guy," _said the Doctor.

She stiffened in his embrace, turning on her side as she looked at him in alarm.

"No! There's no way I'd go with any one else – I love you! That's my limit, Doctor – I'll do anything with you, but _never _with another man!"

He smiled again and paused to run his fingers through her hair.

"Clara," he said softly, I wouldn't want you to go with another man. What I mean is, there's many versions of _me_ out there. I want you to have sex with another version of me, so I can inherit the memory of it. Think about it, you'll be fucking me and making history while I'm remembering it far in the future being my own voyeur. What do you think about it?"

"No!" she said sharply, and she got up.

He got up too and slipped his shoes back on, ready to follow her as she headed for the door.

"What is so wrong with that idea? I'll still be the Doctor!"

She looked back at him.

"But not_ my_ Doctor, not you!"

He thought about it.

"Okay," he said, briefly holding his hands up, "Hear me out..."

_"No!"_

"I thought we had an agreement. I'm the boss now."

"And I_ love_ you!"

He sighed.

"Just hear me out. Let's go back in the Tardis and I'll show you some pictures, okay? You can say yes or no. If it's still a no by the time we've finished, I'll forget the idea."

"Really?"

"Of course. Like I said, I'll never hurt you – and making you do something against your will isn't love. I just want you to be open minded about this and at least consider the idea. That's all. Does that sound fair?"

Clara looked at him doubtfully.

"I suppose so."

"Of course it is, I'm always fair. Come on!"

And he grabbed her hand and led her back into the Tardis before she had time to protest.

* * *

Moments later she was standing at the console beside him as the Doctor activated a screen and she was looking at a sea of faces.

"Every one of these men were me at some point," he told her. "Have a look, Clara – you _must_ fancy one of them!"

She studied the screen.

"You just want me to pick one out?"

And her gaze fell on a picture.

The Doctor noticed which one and touched his finger to the screen, and the image of the young man in the bow tie vanished.

"Everyone except him – my former self. That's a bit too close, Clara."

She gave a sigh, and he felt a prickle of envy.

"I thought you'd forgotten bow tie boy. He wouldn't have showed you the kind of fun I do. He didn't have it in him."

"I know that."

She looked up at him.

"Doctor, I wasn't thinking about him...I just saw his picture and -"

"Remembered, I know. Well, you can forget him now. Take a look at the rest of me...there's a lot of me to choose from!"

She looked again and shook her head.

"No, _you're_ the one I want."

She wasn't sure if she saw disappointment, disapproval or both in his eyes as he looked at her.

"So you won't even consider it? How about if you don't have actual sex with him, how about a bit of kissing and fondling? You couldn't kiss or fondle _any_ of these guys? Well, I'm hoping for a bit more than groping, obviously! Please, Clara – I want you to make me a new memory of me and you, when I was in another life!"

She gave a sigh as she ran her gaze over the pictures on the screen of all the other versions of the Doctor.

"This is a one off?"

"Of course! I'll never ask you to do anything like this again, it's just to give me a memory. Which one of me do you think you could get close to, Clara?"

She looked at the men on the screen again, and made her selection.

"If I have to have one of them, I'll choose _that_ one."

The Doctor stared at the screen.

"_Him?" _he exclaimed.

She nodded.

"Him," she replied, "He's the only one I find remotely attractive."

"Younger than me," the Doctor muttered as he reached across the console and set a flight plan.

"But you made me choose one!"

"So I did," he grumbled.

Then he threw a lever and the Tardis took flight.

* * *

A short while later as she stood before a full length mirror in the Doctor's bedroom, Clara felt a complete mess of nerves and anxiety as she checked her appearance, smoothing down her long summer dress and running her brush through her hair again, then she put the brush down and looked into her own eyes, wished she could lose her nervousness and paused to apply some lipstick.

She was sure she looked just fine, but she had _not_ been expecting the Doctor to ask her to do something so unexpected...

While it was true she understood the man she would be meeting with was him, he would _not_ look like the man she loved, he would be nothing like him – she would feel as if she was having sex with a stranger, if it went that far.

The Doctor had left her options open, left that choice up to her.

_"I'm not sure I can do this,"_ she whispered.

Then as she felt an arm slide around he waist she caught her breath, she had not heard him come in and he had crept up behind her, startling her as he held her and placed a gentle kiss on the side of her throat.

"You look very beautiful," he said, "And I know I will not be able to keep my hands off you - I mean, _he_ won't."

Then the Doctor slid his hand up her dress, between her legs and began to stroke her gently.

"I can't have you showing up all dry and tense," he whispered in her ear, "Let's see what I can do to loosen you up."

She caught her breath as he toyed with her clitoris, rubbing in a gentle rhythm that made her long for more.

He slid a finger deeply inside her and then drew it out again.

"That's better," he said, and he kissed her again.

And then she heard the sound of the engines as the Tardis landed.

The Doctor smiled and there was a wicked gleam in his eyes.

"Time to go and make me a memory," he said to her, "Make it special, Clara."

She looked at him in confusion.

"You just want me to go out there and -"

"That's right, I'm staying here, I'm going to have a nice lie down and shut my eyes and enjoy the new memories drifting into my head. See you soon."

She hesitated.

He kissed her softly.

"Off you go."

Clara looked back at him as doubt and unease reflected in her eyes, and then she left the bedroom and went down the corridor, heading for the Tardis door and what ever lie beyond it.

* * *

Moments later the Doctor heard the Tardis door close, the dull sound echoed down the corridor and into his bedroom, and he snapped his eyes open as a sudden thought came to him that perhaps he should have kept his mouth shut about this little fantasy...

_Some fantasies were not meant to be played out._

_What if Clara preferred the other Doctor?_

_What if she ran off with him and he never saw her again?_

He knew his imagination was running far too wild and tried to relax again, remembering how much she loved him.

But the thought still nagged at him that perhaps he had made a mistake, because she had chosen a version of him who was very warm and friendly and flirty and...maybe Clara _would_ fall in love with him.

"_Stop it!" _he said aloud, and then he lay back looking up at the high ceiling as he thought of Clara and knew it was too late to ask her to back out, because she had already gone off to find his other self. And of all the other men he had been, of all the men she could have chosen, she had picked the one he wished he had not left in as an option, because back in the day, _everyone_ had fallen for him:

_She had picked his Tenth incarnation..._

* * *

"Hello!"

As the young man in the long coat turned and smiled at her, Clara smiled back.

She had left the Tardis and walked down a hillside, where she found him at the bottom, hands in his pockets as he stood beside a stream and looked out to the river far beyond it.

"Hello to you," she replied, "This is going to sound weird, but you're the Doctor, right?"

He glanced up the hillside and saw a blue police box.

"I am, and I'm guessing there's another one of me up there, because my Tardis is back in the woods about half a mile from here. Do you need some help, did I – sorry, the _other me_, send you to find me?"

She looked into his eyes and smiled apologetically.

"Sort of. But there's no problem. He just wanted me to meet you. He let me choose you, actually. Showed me all the faces he'd ever worn, and asked me to choose another version of him, one I liked..."

He looked puzzled.

"Eh?" he said, "I'm not sure I get what you mean, why would he do that?"

Now her cheeks were flushing.

"He's a future version of you. And he's not like you at all. He's a bit..."

The Tenth Doctor looked at her intently.

"Bit what?" he said, sounding mystified.

"_Kinky,"_ she whispered.

The Doctor stared at her, and then he laughed.

* * *

Ten minutes later they were sitting together on the grass, the Doctor had taken off his coat for her to sit on because the riverbank was slightly damp, and as they watched the flowing water, they continued to talk.

"That happens sometimes," the Tenth Doctor said, "It's a bit of a rogue gene that comes out now and then in the regenerations. I definitely had it in my Ninth life, but not in this one."

And as she glanced at him, she suddenly felt more relaxed to know he was not about to pounce on her.

"That's good to know!"

"So Clara, you don't fancy me, then?"

She couldn't tell if he was joking or not, but the sparkle in his eyes seemed to suggest that he was.

"Well, you're okay...but I love the Doctor – _my_ Doctor."

"And I'm glad to hear it," he replied.

And as she stretched out her legs on the riverbank, a gust of wind blew across the water and lifted the sheer fabric of her dress, sending her skirt up to her waist.

She gave a gasp and the Doctor's eyes widened and then fixed on the sight of her, no knickers, completely exposed, her skin smooth and shaven.

"Sorry!" she said as she pushed her skirt back down.

He looked away as his cheeks flushed and he smiled.

"That was an unexpected glimpse of the future!" he exclaimed, "No wonder he's with you... and _that_ was lovely, by the way."

And he looked at her again, and she felt caught in his gaze.

"I wouldn't mind that happening again!" he added, and laughed softly.

Her gaze was still locked with his.

He did not look like her Doctor, but she knew he was the same man, just in a different life - and now she was close to him, he _felt _like the Doctor...

And she thought of all her Doctor had said, about making him a memory...

She took hold of the hem of her dress and slid it upwards, all the way to her waist, and then she lay back, feeling the warm sun sending spirals of heat to her sensitive shaved skin.

"Are you sure?" he asked her.

"Yes," she whispered.

He didn't need to be told twice.

The Doctor slid down the bank, placed his hands on her thighs and parted them, and began lapping at her wetness eagerly, his tongue flickered over her clitoris, then he paused to suck on her sensitive flesh, then he kissed her again, before licking harder and making her moan.

She gave in to the moment, closed her eyes and thought of her Doctor, back at the Tardis, and as she came she gave a sharp cry.

He was still down there, his tongue sliding over her flesh until every last throb of her climax was spent.

Then as she came back to her senses he got up on his knees and tugged at his zip. She could see through the fabric of his trousers he had a raging erection, and he grabbed hard at the zip, tugging it as if he didn't care if he ruined a good suit to free it.

"_No!"_

He paused.

"No?" he exclaimed, and sounded disappointed.

"I can't. I love him."

He gave a sigh and sat back down.

"Of course you do."

Then as he looked at her, he smiled, but his eyes were still dark with desire in a way that vaguely reminded her of the older Doctor who was back at the Tardis waiting for her.

"Clara," he said, "It's been lovely and it could be even better – but you should go now, because every man has a point of no return and I'm not exception. Go now before we both go further than we should."

She got up from the river bank.

"Thanks for being understanding."

He laughed and his eyes sparkled.

"Thanks for being so friendly!"

She laughed softly, and then she turned back and walked away, towards the Tardis on the hillside.

As she walked off, the Tenth Doctor was still smiling.

"_That was great!" _he said, _"At some point in the future she's my girlfriend – and she tastes lovely!"_

* * *

As Clara walked back down the Tardis corridor towards the Doctor's room, she wondered if he would be angry with her.

He had hoped for full sex, a really good memory of her visit to one of his former lives...had she messed it up?

She hoped if she had he would forgive her, because she couldn't help wanting to be faithful to the man she loved...

The Doctor was waiting for her in the bedroom. He stood in the middle of the room and looked at her intently as she came in, and as she walked over to him, she began to apologise at once.

_"I'm sorry, I couldn't have sex with him. We fooled around, but when it came down to it I couldn't do it. Now make me get on my knees if you want to, punish me for failing you, take your belt off and slap me if it makes you feel better, but please, forgive me, Doctor. I'll crawl to you and kiss your shoes if that's what it takes, if that's what it takes to show you I'm sorry I let you down!"_

He saw tears in her eyes and as he stepped closer, he placed his hands on her shoulders.

"Oh no Clara, you haven't let me down at all!" he exclaimed, "As it happened, it slid into my mind like a fond memory - and it was great!"

Now she felt confused.

"You liked it?"

The Doctor laughed softly.

"Of course I did! It's left me with the memory of two things – the first, being that you couldn't have sex with him because you loved me too much to let it happen."

"And what was the other?" Clara asked.

"_I've just remembered you tasted so good, I spent every lifetime that followed searching for you so I could taste you again!"_ he said.

And then he pulled her into his arms and held her tightly, giving her a squeeze as he whispered that he loved her, and as he held her he felt thankful for a new memory that had not turned out the way he expected - but had certainly turned out the way he had needed it to.


	7. Chapter 7 : Heat (Part 1)

**Author Note:**

**A reminder this fic is M Rated. And this chapter is one half of a two part tale. Warning: Body modification is involved... **

**And once again I'd like to say thanks for all the reviews, favourites and follows and messages! I'm so glad this fic is being enjoyed so much by so many, its nice to know its as much fun for you readers as it is for me to write it. Have a nice weekend everyone and happy reading ;-)**

* * *

Chapter 7: Heat (Part 1)

The Tardis was drifting gently in space, the console room was empty and making its usual peaceful low hum. The Doctor's crimson lined jacket was draped over a panel on the console. His waist coat was on the floor nearby and Clara's shoes were close by the doorway that led to the Tardis corridor.

Further down the corridor, her dress was in a heap on the polished floor, and the Doctor's shirt was cast aside near the open bedroom door.

Clara gave a gasp and the echo carried beyond the bedroom, travelling about the walls of the Tardis like the moan of a ghost roaming a haunted hall.

"_Shh,"_ the Doctor said, and then as he ran his tongue up her wetness again, she gave another gasp.

_The Doctor had said, he had a surprise for her._

She had let him lead her by the hand to the bedroom, along the way they had kissed, pausing to tug at each other's clothing. She had been naked by the time they reached the bedroom doorway, and when they went inside, the Doctor had removed the rest of his clothes as he told her to lie down on the bed and close her eyes.

She had not expected him to do what he did; as he had grabbed her hands and raised them above her head, she had assumed he was pinning her down, ready to take her – but instead she had felt the cold steel of handcuffs snap about her wrists.

The Doctor held her legs apart firmly as he tasted her again, and then he sat up, looking at her with a gaze darkened by lust.

"You love it when I lick that little clit of yours," he said in a low voice, "Tell me, did the other me do it like I do? Was he better than me?"

Her eyes widened as she tried and failed to read the look in his eyes. She couldn't decide if she saw jealousy there or simply desire...

"He was excited, he was in a hurry...he didn't do it like you do."

"_How_ did he do it?"

He gave her thighs a squeeze as he continued to hold her open, his gaze shifted between her legs and then he looked into her eyes again.

"Answer me, was he better than me?"

"_No!" _she said, and her voice was tiny, carried a tremor as she looked at him, and he loved that look – it was one he didn't want to think too much about, because that depraved dog who had enjoyed a good run over tormenting Missy would be yanking at the chain again, and he _never _wanted to hurt Clara, not _really_ hurt her...

But that look in her eyes was tantalising, she reminded him of a deer caught in headlights frozen with fear, her slender body still, her eyes wide.

_It was such a feeling of power, the intoxication of it was beautiful..._

Then he reached forward, leaning closer as their eyes locked and she caught her breath, looking up at him in that way that made him feel powerful, and it was nothing to do with the fact that he was a Time Lord, it was because he had her trapped, and she was pinned there, begging him for release of every kind, and he was about to grant her none of what she desired, because a thought had come to mind, about something he had put away and kept for a special occasion with a special person, and she _was_ that special person.

_No one but Clara Oswald could play this game and do it right..._

He unlocked the cuffs and she reached for him, but he climbed off the bed and started to get dressed.

"Meet me in the console room. I've got something to show you."

She sat up, looking at him with confusion in her eyes.

"But I thought you wanted to -"

"Not yet," he replied, "This is too important, it can't wait."

* * *

A short while later, after Clara had picked up her dress and put it on and found her shoes and returned to the console room, the Doctor was dressed and looking slightly less than immaculate, with his shirt half open minus his waistcoat, and his jacket unbuttoned, but there was a look in his eyes that sent a shiver of excitement through her body:

_There was a look of dark and wonderful things about his eyes, a promise that new doors were about to be opened, and she couldn't wait to step through and learn more about this world, his secret place she had entered on the day she had crossed the line and bowed down to his dominance..._

"Come here," he said, and she went over to the console.

The Doctor pressed a button and a panel slid open. He drew out a small glass jar and showed it to her.

"I've had this in my possession for centuries. It contains extracts of plants that no longer grow anywhere in the universe because their planet of origin ceased to exist long ago."

He held it up to the light and she looked with fascination at the dark contents within.

"What is it?"

"A heat cream," he replied, "For the purpose of sexual pleasure."

And he met her gaze and there was a deep intensity about his eyes that momentarily stole her breath away, and she knew at once this was no ordinary love potion...

"So what's so special about it?"

He was still looking at her intently.

"It's the ultimate sexual high," he told her as he handed her the jar, "And it comes with the ultimate price."

She studied the jar.

"What do you mean, the ultimate price?"

"It was designed to maximise female climax," he told her, "And it has the power to give the best orgasm a woman can ever experience. The effect lasts around six hours, and while the female experiences earth shattering orgasms, while the heat is making its way through delicate nerve endings, it's also destroying them. _Use this and you'll have the best night of your life – but you'll never be able to come again_."

As her eyes widened in alarm, his own darkened and he briefly closed his eyes as he drew in a deep breath, trying to keep a bolt of arousal under control as he grew hard beneath the fabric of his clothing. Then he met her gaze once more and she handed the jar back to him, and he put it back into the metal drawer, and it promptly closed.

"I just wanted to show it to you," he said to her, his eyes still dark with desire, "I mean, its the ultimate fantasy for a man like me – will I ever find a woman who is so devoted to serving my needs and my own pleasure that she would be willing to give up her own? Would anyone ever make my ultimate dream come true and sacrifice the ability to orgasm, to devote the rest of her life purely to my pleasure alone?"

Clara stared at him.

She was frozen to the spot as she carried on looking into his eyes, feeling shocked and strangely turned on at the same time.

"That...that is..._extreme_," she said, "I don't know what else to say."

The Doctor stepped closer and his expression softened as he looked at her fondly and paused to gently stroke her cheek.

"Of course it is. And maybe I'm a two thousand year old fool for thinking any woman could ever love me or want to obey me enough to allow herself to make that sacrifice."

Clara just looked at him.

"I mean, it would be a huge sacrifice to make," he added, "After you used that stuff, you'd have the best night of your life but then it would all be over. You'd never be capable of clitoral orgasm again. It would look the same down there but it would never function again. You would have to think only of my pleasure after that. And I doubt even your love could reach that depth of devotion, Clara. Even you wouldn't be capable of making such a sacrifice to make my ultimate fantasy come true."

And there was a look of sadness in his eyes and she felt as if he was playing puppet master, tugging ever so carefully at invisible strings.

She wanted to tell him to stop, but at the same time she was aching and the moist heat between her legs was rising, almost as if that tender flesh she so prized for its orgasmic ability was daring her to do it, because it was so extreme, it would be the ultimate climax, the ultimate experience – even if the price to be paid was heavy...

She drew in a slow breath.

The Doctor could sense the heat rising in her body, saw her pupils dilate and felt a surge of arousal that was so potent he struggled to resist the urge to give in and tug down his zip and free his erection and relieve his tension quickly and brutally into her mouth, she had no idea how exciting this was, how long he had dreamed of this...

"Clara," he said, "I know you wouldn't want to do this for me, of course not – but if you did – which you won't – you would look the same, it would be an invisible modification, only the sensation would be gone...but you wouldn't do that, I know you wouldn't. You don't have that kind of devotion in you for something so permanent."

"_I still want you to brand me."_

Her voice was hushed, her throat tightened by sexual tension.

He looked into her eyes, into dilated pupils and held her in his gaze.

"That is true. You haven't changed your mind about it. And very soon, I _will_ do that to you, when I know you're ready. But any form of permanent modification for the sake of my desire is something you need to think about before you commit to it. I'd be happy to brand you. I know where I want to do it and what I'm going to mark you with, but I'm not telling you yet. _All I will say is, after I've done it no other man will ever take down your knickers without seeing my mark._"

She caught her breath.

The Doctor stepped forward and kissed her, and as their lips met he slid his hand up her skirt, between her legs and toyed with her now swollen clitoris.

She pressed against his hand and he quickly withdrew it as he broke off from their kiss.

"I wish you would agree to this," he said to her, "You're far too sensitive down there. It gets in the way of my pleasure sometimes. I don't think I'd ever stop being aroused if you gave that up for me. But of course you won't._ Sorry Clara, forget I ever mentioned it. Maybe I should have kept that one a secret_."

And he turned to the console and began to check the controls.

Clara stood there staring at him.

"That's it, subject closed?"

"Yes," he replied, and then he continued to work on the console without a single look back at her.

* * *

Clara left him to it and walked away, heading back to the bedroom as she thought about all he had said.

The Doctor was gone for a long time, lingering in the control room.

Clara sat back on the bed and thought about everything he had told her – she could think of nothing else...

All he had told her about the heat cream had frightened and aroused her at the same time – of course she wanted to know what it felt like to have the best climax of her life, perhaps the best she ever would have had for the whole of her life – but the price to pay, to never come again...she wasn't sure why the thought aroused her so much.

Perhaps it was because she had realised once she had enjoyed a climax to surpass all others, nothing less would ever do, perhaps that was why the cream worked the way it did...

_How long could she get by on the memory of one night, of six hours of sheer bliss that could never be surpassed?_

_The submissive inside her wanted to do it._

The submissive side that worshipped her dominant lover wanted to walk up to him, raise her skirt and expose her smooth, soft, vulnerable sex and whisper:

"_It's all yours...do it..."_

The thought of it made her want to come.

_But would she feel that way in reality?_

The substance he had showed her was so powerful, its effects so potent and the price so drastic that she felt privileged that he had shared the secret with her.

She didn't blame him for dreaming of a woman who would sacrifice her own sensation to concentrate totally on his needs, it was the way he was made, he was a dominant man who wanted total control of her body and most of all, of her ability to reach climax.

_It would be his ultimate dream come true._

Not many women could say they had made a two thousand year old Time Lord's dream come true when all other women he had known had failed to do that...

_She wondered, could she live without that sensation?_

_Would it be enough to simply serve him and concentrate on his needs, his pleasure and fulfilment?_

She didn't doubt the cream was harmless apart from its permanent numbing factor – it wasn't as if it would hurt, the Doctor would never hurt her...

He had simply showed her something, let her into a deep and powerful fantasy, his ultimate wish to be fulfilled.

_He had trusted her with that secret._

Clara lay back against soft pillows and raised her skirt, looking down at herself as she imagined what it would be like, to know the ultimate in female orgasm, and also know at the same time, that afterwards, it would never happen again...

Her fingers slipped into the aching heat and wetness and she started to gently rub as she closed her eyes.

It would be her last one...if _this_ was her last one, what would the Doctor say to her while he pleasured her?

She could almost hear him murmuring to her as she caressed herself, getting closer to the edge.

* * *

As the door opened Clara caught her breath, and as the Doctor walked into the room and over to the bed, his gaze shifted between her legs and then back at her flushed face.

"Don't stop, I want you to do it," he said gently, and he sat on the edge of the bed and ran his and up her thigh, pushing her leg aside to get a better view as he watched her fingers working desperately down there.

"I've turned you on, I know I have...are you thinking about it?"

"_Yes!"_

"Do you want to do it?"

"_Yes!"_ she whispered again, and he let go of her thigh and shifted closer to her, putting his arm around her as he cradled her, looking down into her glazed eyes as she looked up at him, she was right on the edge now...

"_I want to do it..."_ she gasped.

"Shh," he said gently, "Tell me again, afterwards. Get the excitement out of you and think about it and then tell me later."

Desire and need burned in her eyes.

"_I want to please you!"_

"I know you do...keep going, you're almost there."

Her fingers moved harder and faster.

"_Think about it,"_ he whispered, _"Think about that sacrifice you want to make for me..."_

Her breathing quickened, and he held her tighter, as she gave a sharp cry he clung to her, then tenderly kissed her lips and let go of her again, as she lay back against the pillows her face was flushed and she was breathless. As she opened her eyes and looked at him, warmth shone in his gaze.

"I think I do want to -"

A finger on her lips silenced her.

"Don't say another word," he said softly, "We'll talk about this soon, when you're calm and you've considered it properly. You rest now, Clara. We'll talk later."

Then he kissed her and turned away and walked out of the room, leaving her alone with an ache that refused to go away as she thought about a fantasy that she had never imagined could wield such power over her imagination...

_She still wanted to do it._

_It was like crossing a line all over again._

_She wanted to do it, and the Doctor knew she wanted to do it, too..._

* * *

**(Heat Part 2 will be concluded in Chapter 9).**


	8. Chapter 8 : Heat (Part 2)

Chapter 8 : Heat (Part 2)

As the Doctor slept easily beside her, Clara stayed awake.

_It was on her mind._

_She couldn't stop thinking about all he had said._

_Of course, he wanted this._

_It was a fantasy of a dominant man, to have absolute control..._

And in more heated moments, she had warmed to the idea but only as long as the thrill lasted.

Maybe the Doctor was right – now she had thought about it, after the thrill was faded out and the fantasy had been replaced by the harsh reality of the choice she was faced with, did she_ really_ want to do this?

_Yes_ was her first instinct, a choice made out of love and the sexual high of making such a gesture to reward his darkest urges.

But she knew she couldn't live without the feelings that had become even more wonderful, made so solid by his touch, his kiss, the way he made love to her.

_So Clara came to a decision..._

* * *

The Doctor was still sleeping when she got out of bed and made her way quietly to the console room.

She touched a button and the container within opened up.

Clara took out the glass jar and looked at it.

_Obviously, the only way to wipe this subject out of any possibility was to lose the jar..._

She felt guilty as she held it, considering all the time he had owned it, how he had clung to this secret desire that he had kept to himself for so long...

_It was his ultimate fantasy._

But as long as that jar existed...

_What?_

_She was tempted to go over the edge and use the stuff? _

_Perhaps._

But she knew he would never forget it was there, and now she knew it was there too and he had opened up to her about his fantasy...

_No. _

_The jar had to go._

And then she turned it over.

She looked closely at the bottom of it, and her expression changed.

Clara stared at what she saw, and then she glanced back towards the corridor as a flash of anger filled her eyes.

"_I could kill you!"_ she hissed, and then she turned the jar over again, looked at the bottom of it again, and thought of the Doctor, her dark and dominant man, that sweet, loveable, moody and sexy idiot who would never really harm her...

_And she started to smile._

"_Okay, Doctor,"_ she said as amusement danced in her eyes, _"You want your fantasy... why should I spoil it for you?"_

Then she turned back to the corridor, and she drew in a deep breath, remembering how much this meant to him.

She had no intention of denying him his fantasy... _not now._..

* * *

"Wake up," she whispered, and she kissed his cheek.

The Doctor's eyes opened and he blinked, then he sat up in bed, wondering why she had put on the bedside lamp in the middle of the night.

"Clara, what's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong," she said softly, "I just want you to know I've made up my mind. I want to give you your fantasy."

She was sitting on the bed in a short silken night gown, and she stripped it off and tossed it to the floor, grabbed his hand and placed it between her legs.

"_All yours, Doctor,"_ she said softly, _"Give me the best night of my life and from tomorrow, I will live to serve your pleasure alone."_

And he stared at her.

He looked totally stunned and she wanted it throw her arms around him and hug him tightly and tell him it was okay because she understood now, and she should have understood from the start, because it was not so long ago he had promised her, he would never harm her.

_Of course he wouldn't._

_She should have known that._

_She felt bad for not realising it, when they had so much trust and love between them._

_Of course this was a game. _

_He wanted her to think it was real, and he would continue to do so, up to a point..._

She wasn't going to deny him that fantasy, to let him think she would go that far for him, just because she had found out a truth she should have known from the start.

_It was just a fantasy, and she was going to let him indulge as far as he wanted to go..._

It wouldn't be long before he told her the truth, and when he did, she would not admit right away what she knew, or how she had found out...

He could have the fantasy for as long as he wanted to go along with it, and when he told her the truth, she would pretend to be surprised, and then she would hug him, and there was_ no way_ she would be angry, because to him this had _always _been a game – she just hadn't realised it, and she had forgotten his promise, too - that he would never hurt her.

_She should have remembered that._

_She knew she would never forget again._

"Are you sure about this, Clara?" he said in a hushed voice.

She spread her legs and took the top off the jar.

"Let me help you out. I'll put it on myself."

He grabbed her hand as she reached inside the jar, a look of surprise still apparent in his eyes.

"Clara, wait – there's something you need to know...I need to explain something...I didn't think you would -"

"You didn't think I'd do this for you? I'd do anything for you."

"No, that's not what I meant...I haven't told you everything...it was a _fantasy_ -"

She wanted to smile, but instead she dipped her finger into the cream and slid it between her legs, slowly rubbing it into her clitoris.

"Oh, it's certainly hot!" she exclaimed, and as the heat began to gently spread, she leaned closer, and as he looked at her in surprise, she kissed him deeply.

As they continued to kiss, she realised the Doctor was shaking as he held her.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly, pulling back a little as they lay together, looking at him with concern in her eyes.

"No I'm not," he said, "Clara, I would never, _ever_ seriously expect you to make such a sacrifice for me. It's the kind of stuff us kinky, dominant guys get excited over, something to fantasise about – the ultimate sacrifice... it doesn't mean I'd want that for you in reality!"

She grabbed hold of his hand and slipped it between her legs again, into smooth, silky warmth, pressing his fingers against the core of her desire.

"_This is probably my last one,"_ she whispered, _"Make it a good one for me, make it the best..."_

Her softly spoken words had worn down his resistance.

He made no more protest and willingly obliged, rubbing firmly and as she began to gasp and her face started to flush, as his erection grew harder, his pressure increased as his caresses began to tip her over the edge.

It was a good orgasm, as good as always, perhaps made a little more intense by the heat cream, but Clara gave an extra loud yell as she came, and then as she turned on her back and reached for him, she covered his mouth with a passionate kiss before he could speak, and then he was inside her, thrusting hard and then harder still until his movements were frantic as she whispered she had made the sacrifice, and did not regret it because she wanted to serve only him forever...

* * *

She had to hold him very tightly as he shook and clung to her and experienced a moment of absolute helpless pleasure as he came hard, the orgasm wiped him out so much he collapsed on her and gasped for air as he said her name over and over.

Then he rolled off her and ran his fingers through sweat soaked hair and looked at her.

His breathing was still laboured and he was still trembling slightly from the intensity of the pleasure rush he had just experienced.

"That was..." he dragged in another lungful of air, "Mind blowing...but Clara, I need to tell you -"

She turned on her side and smiled.

"Say it."

"_I was lying."_

She stared at him.

The Doctor actually looked afraid - afraid that she would not forgive him, he was afraid he had gone too far, he had not expected her to believe all he had said before and _now._..

_Now_ she wanted to put her arms around him and embrace him, and tell him everything was fine.

_But she waited._

"What do you mean?" she asked.

He shifted closer to her.

"Clara, I need to explain something to you."

"It's okay, you already explained. You wanted me to do this, it meant a lot to you, and so I did it. And I understood _exactly_ what I was doing when I made the choice."

He looked into her eyes and she saw a trace of panic in his expression and she wanted to say so much more, but he had wanted his fantasy, and she didn't want to be the one to slam the brakes on, not yet, not before he was ready, before he had truly had enough, because she wanted to give him this reality, even for a short while, even though she knew he had been lying...

_It was his fantasy. _

_It didn't seem fair to bring it to a sharp stop because she had worked out what she ought to have known at the start._

"Clara that cream.. it wont hurt you, it won't do _anything_ to your ability to climax, it's harmless. I was playing a game with you, I thought you knew that!"

She blinked away tears and wondered why she felt like crying.

Of course she should have known, she should have known him better than to assume, because she knew him so very well...

But for one moment, he had seemed so intense, so aroused and sounded so convincing, she had forgotten how good he was at playing fantasy games.

_It really was just a game._

_And she should have known that._

"I'm sorry," he said to her softly as he put his hand on her shoulder and stroked her bare skin with his fingertips, "I had no idea you would think it was real._ It was just a game! _I thought you would have worked it out when I started talking about it. Us guys and our fantasies, never believe a word we say when we have erections! If I'm hard and excited and you're playing along, if it's anything that involves me dominating you, expect me to go more into it, to make it sound real, because I'm getting a sexual high over it! Just because I was convincing doesn't mean I was serious! Was you serious?"

He looked and sounded so worried.

Clara held him a little bit tighter.

"When I believed you I thought about it and the idea turned me on and off and ...I'm just glad it wasn't real."

The Doctor looked confused now.

"But you woke me up and told me you'd made your choice. You even put it on in front of me, you did it to yourself, you didn't even ask me to do it for you! I can't believe you'd make such a sacrifice for me! No woman I've ever played this game with has been as willing as you!"

Clara smiled.

"Actually I'd worked it out by then," she said to him, "I knew it was harmless and everything you said was a game – _and_ a test of my devotion."

"No, it wasn't exactly a test -"

"It was," she said softly, "Because you need to know, you need to know everything we share is perfect and will stay perfect - because you're afraid one day you'll turn around and I won't be there. Well, don't feel that way Doctor, because it's _never_ going to happen."

She saw raw emotion in his eyes and she knew he wanted to cry, but he held it back.

"Maybe I do feel that way sometimes, why shouldn't I? You're everything I've ever wanted, am I not entitled to fear losing you once in a while?"

"You won't," she promised him, "You'll never do that."

And then she held him, and for a while he said nothing as he clung to her tightly as they embraced by the glow of the bedside lamp.

* * *

After a brief time of embracing, the Doctor broke the silence as he spoke up again.

"You really believed I'd do something so drastic and life changing to you?"

"I don't know... but I still want you to brand me."

"That's going to be a small scar, and that's _nothing_ like taking away your ability to have an orgasm! Clara, if you believed I'd do that to you, either I'm bloody convincing when I'm hard and fantasising or you're _stupid_ \- which is it?"

"Maybe you and me are convincing and stupid _together_ when it suits us?" she suggested, and as her expression softened, so did the look in his eyes as Clara started to smile again.

"It's okay," she said to him as she held him, "I'm not angry – and even when I found out, I _still_ wanted to give you the fantasy."

"Why?" he asked her.

"Because when I realised it was just that – a fantasy, I knew I should have known you better and I remembered how well I knew you. I ought to have known it was a game, because I know you'd never hurt me."

The Doctor looked into her eyes for a moment and said nothing as he silently considered just how much he loved Clara Oswald.

And then he asked her a question that had been burning at the back of his mind since she admitted she knew the truth:

"When did you realise it was just a game?"

Clara hesitated. She wanted to say, she had known at once, because she was far from stupid and she ought to have known the Doctor would never harm her – but she had got carried away with the fantasy, lost in it, and now he deserved the truth of the matter.

Love shone in her eyes and she smiled as she picked up the jar, turned it over and showed the Doctor what was on the bottom of it.

"_This gave it away,"_ she said as amusement sparkled in her eyes,_ "The price tag left on the bottom – you bought it in a sex shop for £6.99."_

And the Doctor looked at her.

Then a sparkle began to shimmer in his eyes as he smiled too, and they laughed together, and then he embraced her and kissed her again, and they stayed embracing by the lamp light for more than an hour, both amused at just how smart neither of them really were when it came to fooling each other – Clara would always see through the Doctor, and the Doctor would always find out the truth, eventually, because they knew each other so very well, too well to carry off a lie for too long - and that had to be a good thing when it came to sharing a lifetime together as lovers.


	9. Chapter 9 : Our Little Game

**Clara's diary entry: Our Little Game  
**

We had a little adventure on earth involving a bar, a hotel room and some teasing and spanking, a gentle game to make up for the deception over the heat cream, the Doctor asked me to do this because he wanted to remind me we would always play games from now on, where I knew _exactly_ what to expect next. So we talked about it - and it sounded like fun, so I went along with it.

And what an adventure it was!

Now I'm sitting on the bed while he busies himself in the console room, and I'm writing this in my diary, because...well, because it makes me smile.

I do love him so very much, and what we did was fun.

It was also wonderful!

* * *

_He picked me up in a bar. _

He knew I was not the kind of girl to let herself get picked up like that, so he ordered me that I would be the kind of girl who would let him pick me up and I would do it very easily, be very compliant and willing to please and give into his every demand.

I accepted this, as these were my instructions and he had told me before we left the Tardis, his word was law.

I was to wear a skirt that was tight and short and a top that held my cleavage partially on display, but one that was tight enough to allow me to wear no bra. I knew this meant as I waited for him I would be getting excited thinking about him and everything that would follow and because of this my nipples would get hard and no matter how tight the fabric was, they would show clearly. Everyone would see I was aroused; it could be nothing else because the weather was warm and tits don't get hard unless stimulated in some way be it by thought or action, not when the weather is warm.

I chose a white top because I had a black one that would have shown a little more cleavage but my nipples would not have shown through the fabric so well, the white one grabbed them and squeezed them together so that they were nicely held in place, yet my nipples would stand out.

The Doctor was in complete control of the whole situation. I think he must have stayed up all night planning it:

He told me to be at the bar one hour before he got there, that meant I had to sit on my own dressed like that and I was _not_ allowed to talk to other men or look into their eyes, even if they offered me a drink, in which case I was allowed to say _No Thank_ you only and then turn away, purely out of politeness. I was to sit at a table on my own with a drink and wait, behaving myself like I was such a good girl, as if I looked sexy but would _never _allow anyone to touch me.

And that suited me fine, because I knew he loved me too much to share me with other men – apart from his other selves, but that was a conversation best left alone for a while, although meeting Ten had been nice.

The thought of Ten made me smile. His tongue had been so warm and soft and eager!

While I sat in the bar I was careful to keep my legs closed because he had ordered me to wear no knickers - I knew he was going to touch me under the table and when he did I was not allowed to react in any way, in case other people saw us. I had to sit there and pretend nothing was happening, which would be difficult for me but I knew I would have to control myself if I wanted to please the Doctor, even if he stroked me down there or put his finger inside.

I noticed there were several men at the bar when I'd come in and they all turned and looked at me but I'd just ordered my drink and sat down at a table in the corner, keeping my legs closed and the whole of me turned away from them as I did not want to look into their eyes because I was not their property.

As I waited I thought about him, about how the Doctor would walk in and go to the bar, then come over to me and sit down. Only then would I raise my eyes and smile and start to warm to him, so the other men in there watched and realised he had something they didn't possess - the power to attract me. I knew what would happen once he led me out of that bar, I knew where we were going and what I would be doing next and the thought was making me soaking wet.

When he walked into the bar I felt a jolt of excitement run through me and as he walked over to my table and sat down, I raised my eyes and looked at him. He always looked so handsome and commanding in his black suit but today his shoes seemed polished to a high shine, and as I caught a flash of the red lining in his jacket, that crimson made me think, _colour of passion,_ and I started getting damp...

"Mind if I sit down?"

"Please do."

He sat right next to me, under the table his hand rested on my thigh.

"Do you think you might like to leave with me after I finish my drink?" he asked quietly.

I smiled.

"I would love to."

"Good," He said, drinking slowly, glancing over at the other men at the bar who quickly averted their gaze realising I was instantly taken, his hand slid a little further upwards, gently, slowly, under the table, I parted my legs and got ready for it, aching for the moment when he did it. He made me wait while we chatted, then his fingers slid right to the top of my thighs.

"I can see your breasts very nicely, I'm going to be playing with them very soon. Would you like me to do that?"

"Yes, Doctor," I whispered.

Then he stroked me, all the way down, it was a light touch but as he brushed my clit I wanted to gasp out loud, but I was forbidden so I sat there in silence but he saw the pleasure register in my eyes and smiled as my face flushed.

_"Are you always this wet?"_

_"Only when I think of you Doctor."_

He stroked me again, this time on the outside of my sex. I had shaved myself nice and smooth and every touch felt so good I wanted to beg him to make me come but I knew I could not do that, not in here and certainly not without his permission.

"Do you often go out like this, looking for sex?"

"No, Doctor."

"Are you a good girl?"

"_I try to be but I am not."_

"Why is that? Are you always touching yourself? Do you like to play with it?"

I nodded.

"I can't help it. I can't control it."

His hand went back to my thigh.

"You know this means, I'll have to teach you a lesson, don't you?"

"Yes, Doctor."

He finished his drink and took me by the hand.

"Come on, then. Let's sort you out, you naughty girl."

* * *

We walked from the bar and through the reception to the hotel part of the building. There we stepped into a lift. As the doors closed and he pressed the button for the third floor, we were the only two people in there and he pinned me against the wall as his hand gave my left breast a squeeze.

"I'm going to give you a proper seeing to, but my erection is big and I'm going to fuck you _seriously_ hard. You have no say in anything any more, you are _my_ possession and I'll do _exactly_ what I like with you, understand?"

_"Yes, Doctor. I belong to you."_

I saw a warm glow of appreciation in his eyes on hearing those words, and it made me want to melt into his arms.

He let go of me, the lift doors opened and I followed him out.

* * *

We reached the bedroom and he unlocked the door. I followed him inside and he locked it again behind us, as I heard that key turn I felt a shiver run through me and I knew what was going to happen.

"Get down on the floor," he told me.

I got down on my knees and looked up at him.

"Take your top off."

I obeyed him, feeling my skin burn with longing as his gaze wandered over my flesh. I wondered if there would be another invisible line to cross, but then as he looked down at me and I looked up at him and my head swam with the thrill of it all he spoke again.

"You've got nice boobs," he stated, "I might have to come all over them. Or I might do that in your face, would you like it in your face?"

"Yes please, Doctor."

"Are you _worthy_ of my come?"

"Yes, I am!"

He leaned down, close to my ear:

"I am a _very_ dominant man and I will punish you _severely_ if you disobey me. _Now tell me you like cock!_"

I blushed for a moment, had a brief thought of my colleagues at Coal Hill School – what would they think of me if they saw me like this now?

The thought made me smile.

"I like cock, Doctor."

He stood over me and looked down at me and I felt my insides melting with the pleasure of it all, of the sheer power he had over me.

"Would you like _my_ cock?"

"Oh yes, please!"

_"Earn it, then."_

I lowered my face and began to kiss his shoes, they were black leather and polished to a high shine but as my kisses turned into licks and I took my time I knew I was cleaning them better than any shoe polish could and that I was highly honoured to do so. I'd only ever kissed them before. He wasn't expecting me to do that I hoped he was pleasantly surprised.

The look in his eyes suggested he was, and then he told me to stop.

"Take your skirt off and sit on the bed."

I obeyed him, sitting naked on the bed.

He freed his erection and came over to me, cupping my breasts together as he slid his hardness between them, in and out, I could feel the friction rubbing my breastbone, rubbing warm against me and with each thrust I longed more and more to lean closer and reach for him with my mouth.

Then he pushed me back on to the bed and began to stroke his solid erection, he was standing over me and I was aching to share his climax but I knew where it was going - all over my exposed chest...

"Tell me you want it."

"Come on me..."

"What will you do with it?"

"I'll rub it in."

_He wasn't expecting that!_

The Doctor came hard and fast, the warmth of it felt like a thousand kisses as it hit me, and he was keeping his eyes fixed on my hands as they grabbed at my tits and I rubbed his orgasm all over my breasts, massaging it in until they shone.

Then he started to take off his clothes.

"Wash yourself and come back here," he told me.

I went into the bathroom and washed, then rejoined him on the bed.

* * *

I sat beside him and looked at the Doctor, feeling honoured to be invited to share his bed at last.

He stroked my face.

I took hold of his hand and kissed the back of it, then our eyes met once more.

He drew me into his arms and held me, when he held me I felt as if the moment was beautiful and I sank into his arms while he embraced me and I ran my hands over his body.

He whispered to me, told me I was beautiful, then pinned me down and started to kiss my breasts again, all over them. After the attention they had already had they felt beyond sensitive and then he sucked hard, only letting go when each nipple was reddened and firmly erect. He was starting to get hard again.

Then he spread my legs open and looked between them.

"Who does this shaven sex belong to?"

"You, Doctor. Do what you like with it."

He looked into my eyes.

"Everything between your legs is mine to play with as I wish, understand?"

I responded by opening my legs wider so he could see everything I had to offer him.

He slid his hand downwards, gently caressing me and enjoying the way I was helpless while he stroked and rubbed at my swollen ache.

"You like this, don't you," he said, "That's because you can't leave it alone, can you?"

"No, Doctor…"

_"Tell me why."_

"Because I'm always playing with myself."

He started to grip me harder, pinching it and making me cry out. Then he let go and began to lick me gently. I was feeling waves of pleasure washing over me, I had closed my eyes and was starting to feel as if I was getting closer to a beautiful orgasm. Then I felt the sensation end as he stopped licking me and just looked at my reddened, sensitive flesh.

"I can't decide which I like best," he told me, "Smacking it or licking it. I know you say it hurts when I smack you back and front but I think sometimes you like it as much as me making you come afterwards…Do you like me smacking your private parts?"

"_I consider it a gift."_

_"Really, Clara? Smacking you down there?"_

_I nodded._

"And Does Mr Right Hand hurt you too much?"

"It reminds me who is boss. The red marks left behind are a reminder of your attention, of the discipline you have given me and sometimes I am sad when they fade, I love the way you keep me in line with your hand."

Fire of passion burned in his blue eyes as turned me over and gave my backside a series of sharp slaps. I was pleased he did it moderately hard because I knew I would still be feeling it when I sat down for a few days afterwards and to me this was nice, because it was a reminder of what he had done to me, something intimate I could carry with me everywhere I went, and at night I would touch the sensitive skin and remember every slap.

I could feel the skin was glowing hot, burning up with all the attention, and just as I thought the pain would get unbearable he turned me back over and slapped my tender sex, it made me cry out but at the same time I opened my legs even wider, wanting more, wanting the next blow to catch my swollen sex and make me climax uncontrollably.

But he gave me another slap down there and then he stopped.

"You're not going to come until I say so," he reminded me, "You'll come when I say, and _not_ before."

"As you wish," I said quietly as I glanced down at myself - one look at the sight of how well spanked I had been both ways was enough to make me want to put my hand between my legs and I would have come very quickly indeed, but I knew if I disobeyed his orders I would have received a much harder spanking, one that would have punished me and I did not want to displease him, so I kept my hands at my sides even though I was red and swollen and it was very clear the smallest touch would have tipped me into orgasm at any moment.

The Doctor leaned over me.

"You want to come so much, don't you, Clara?" he said softly.

"Your pleasure is more precious than mine - I am but your slave."

He smiled on hearing these words.

"Good girl," he told me, "You can have me inside you for being so thoughtful..."

"Thank you, Doctor."

He took me in his arms and looked into my eyes.

"Consider yourself honoured," he told me, and thrust into me hard, making me cry out. He took me hard over and over, thrusting into me with force, making the bed knock against the wall. And then he pulled out of me suddenly, grabbed hold of me and dragged me onto my knees on the floor again.

"_Take it all down."_

I took him in my mouth, he grabbed me by the hair and worked my mouth harder up and down until my lips were bumping into his groin and I could feel his length deep at the back of my throat, then he came again - this time sharply, suddenly, and I sucked and swallowed.

"You love the taste of that, swallow it!" the Doctor commanded.

This was all part of something we had rehearsed and discussed the day before - I had loved it when he had ordered me to swallow, and had asked him to do it to me again because he had surprised me with it and I'd not expected it – but during these kind of games anything that made me feel lower and come harder gave me a thrill. The Doctor knew it too, he knew how to say things and do things to push all the right buttons in _exactly _the right order.

After I had finished swallowing, he lay back down and then he had told me to come closer so he could hold me, and he held me in his arms for a while.

* * *

He knew I was not yet satisfied and he was deliberately making me wait. I was happy to do this because the ache of arousal was a very sweet pain to endure and I was swollen with the need to come.

I was tingling with the need for it, my nipples were aching from all the attention, I was warm from the spanking, too.

The Doctor kissed me slowly and deeply and then looked at me.

"I think you deserve to come now. You can make yourself come while I play with you."

He began to pinch my nipples, twisting them, then pausing to suck on them, with the state of arousal I was in the feeling was so intense that every sensation was magnified and seemed to send a jolt of electricity down to my sex.

He watched me as my hand slid between my legs.

"Go on, Clara, make yourself come…"

He pinched my nipples harder, so that every sensation lower down made me moan with pleasure.

"I said, _Come for me_…"

That was an order and one I couldn't resist. As the orgasm swept through my body he held me in his arms, as I drew my hand away he put his own hand between my legs and pressed down there, feeling the wetness and the last of the pleasure that throbbed through me.

Feeling weak, I looked into his eyes.

"Thank you, Doctor…"

Then he finally whispered the words I'd waited to hear all day, the words every slave and servant longs to hear most of all from the one who lords over them.

"I love you, Clara," he told me, and that felt like the best reward of all.

Then as we lay together he told me something:

"You and me are coming back here soon," he said, and he turned his head and smiled as we lay together and I caught a spark of mischief in his eyes.

"Another game, Clara...I have a little plan. It will be somewhat different to this one, but you will love it."

"What is it? Tell me?"

He shook his head and pulled me closer as he kissed my cheek.

"Wait and see," he whispered, "It's a _big_ surprise."

* * *

That concludes my diary entry.

And he still hasn't told me what he's got planned for me!

And I bet the Doctor reads this later, and has a good one over it. He always gets hard over my diary entries when I write about our fun. I _know_ it will make him smile.

signing off now - **Clara Oswald, spanked and happy!**


	10. Chapter 10 : I'm His Carer (Part 1)

Chapter 10 : I'm his Carer (Part 1)

The Tardis was still on earth and had not left since the Doctor had taken Clara to the hotel for the spanking game.

But when she woke early that morning and found the Doctor was not in bed beside her, Clara called to him, got no reply and then threw on a sheer, short nightgown and left the bedroom.

As she walked down the Tardis corridor towards the console room, she wondered why he had got up before her – it was most unusual, he was normally awake first, pressing his hardness against her as he whispered he needed _attention_...

As she entered the console room, she smiled.

There was the Doctor, looking achingly sexy in his dark suit with the crimson lining as he stood over the console, reading her diary entry from the day before.

One hand was on the book, the other was on his exposed erection as he caressed himself reading the words that recalled every moment of their time together at the hotel.

"You certainly enjoyed that spanking..." he murmured, and he laughed, momentarily tensing as she came up behind him and slipped her arms around him. He was okay with hugs now – her hugs, but surprise ones still caught him off guard...

"_Relax, Doctor,"_ she whispered, and she reached down pushing his hand aside as she took over, stroking him gently as he continued to read.

The Doctor caught his breath, using his now free hand to lean tight against the console. He always found it hard to keep his balance when he was highly aroused and she was paying him such gentle and _persistent _attention...

"Oh that is beautiful," he murmured, and then he turned another page, "You loved it, me spanking you down there..."

A sly smile spread across her face as she continued to work her hand up and down the length of his hardness. Now she knew what his ultimate fantasy was, thanks to the game with the heat cream, she had a very powerful weapon she could use on him any time she liked – although she was sure the Daleks and the Cybermen and all the other enemies of the Doctor would have no interest in using it against him – _she now knew his trigger, she knew how to bring on his climax..._

"Just think," she murmured as she stroked him,_"If that cream had been the real thing, I would have had my last orgasm that night...no more climax for Clara..."_

"_Stop it!"_

He put the diary down as his face flushed and he became rock hard in her hand.

"_Don't..."_

She stroked him firmly.

"_No more climax for Clara - and I would have spent the rest of my days with nothing to do but serve your pleasure -"_

"_Clara, don't, I'll come!"_

"I know, and that is my duty, to make you do that..." she said sweetly as she continued to work on him, "I would have had no more orgasms, not ever, I would have been _clitless Clara_ your love slave, _complete_ slave to the Doctor's pleasure -"

"_Don't! I'll come over the console and then I'll have to clean it!"_

She suppressed a giggle and continued stroking him. He was solid in her hand, and now right on the edge. His legs were shaking now and she wanted to kiss him and hug him, but her work was not quite done...

"And you could have told people all about it..._Clara gave up her ability to orgasm, she did it for me, Clara can't come any more, she just makes me come instead.._.that's how it would have been if that cream had been real..."

"_Oh no!"_ The Doctor gave a sharp gasp and throbbed hard in her hand, spilling his sweet release in a powerful pump that covered console buttons.

"_I'll clean it up, I'll lick it off,"_ she whispered, and he throbbed again, gave a groan and another throb sent more of his climax over the console buttons.

The Doctor leaned against the edge of the control panel for a moment, his face flushed as he got his breath back.

Then he looked at Clara and smiled.

"You _naughty_ girl! It was nice, though!"

"And what a mess you've made!" Clara exclaimed, looking at the sticky buttons.

"What a mess _we _made!" the Doctor corrected her, and then he looked to the buttons and glanced back at her

"Clean it, then. Don't stand there with your wide inflated eyes looking at me like you're shocked – _do_ it!"

Her jaw dropped.

"Really? No you don't _really_ want me to..."

He started to smile.

"Oh Clara, Clara _when_ will you learn! _I was joking!_"

And with that, he drew a handkerchief from his pocket and slowly and carefully began to wipe clean the console buttons.

* * *

A short while later, Clara was dressed and ready to leave, the console was sparkling clean and the Doctor's handkerchief was in the Tardis laundry.

"Where are we going?" she asked him.

The Doctor cast a glance at her:

Today, she was in a simple patterned dress with low heeled shoes, an outfit that would have been perfect for going to work at Coal Hill in – but it didn't matter. She didn't have to dress for anything today, because that dress wouldn't be on for very long, soon it would be on the floor of the hotel room they had visited the day before.

"We're going back to the hotel," he told her, "I booked the room for a second day. I'm hoping the bar will be quite busy too."

Her eyes widened.

"You're not thinking about us having sex in the _bar,_ Doctor?"

He laughed.

"No, no, of course not! Clara, where do you get these ideas from? I'd _never _do a thing like that!"

She paused by the Tardis door and looked up at him, and he looked down, into her dark, wide eyes and thought how much he adored her, he could not put it into words, but he simply adored her, his sweet Clara.

"So what are we going to do? You haven't even talked me through it yet, I don't know what to expect."

"I'm telling you right now, before we leave," he said to her, "It's a simple game – I want you to be my carer today, be my nurse."

And she saw a playful expression in his eyes.

"Your nurse?" that thought made her smile.

"What do you want me to do as your nurse?"

"Well," he said, "We are going to the bar – hopefully it should be quite busy when we get there...I'm going mention in conversation how you take such great care of me when I'm not feeling too good, say what a wonderful person you are, how you look after me, you know, after I had that terrible accident."

"What accident?"

"A _fictional _one of course! I just want to draw innocent bystanders into our fictional back story, just to get us into the mood for some bedroom play when we go back to the room together... "

Clara giggled.

"You're going to lie to strangers? That's..."

"Naughty!" the Doctor said gleefully, "Yes, I know!"

"So what exactly is this problem I help you with?" she asked him.

He placed his hand on his side just above his groin.

"I get some terrible pain sometimes. The only way for you to help me with it is to put me to bed, give me a nice massage and then give me _very_ good oral attention. _Blow jobs fix everything with me_." And he winked, and Clara giggled again.

"Also, I like the idea of you making a fuss of me and making it all better. And I love the way you go down on me too, so it's just perfect for me. So today you are my carer, Clara. Nurse Clara is going to help me to bed and give me some _very_ intimate attention."

"After you've told half of the story to innocent bystanders?"

"Well obviously I won't be bringing anything sexual into it," he told her, "Not to them – I just want them to believe our fantasy, for the fun of it!"

She laughed.

"Okay, I'm up for this!"

The Doctor opened the Tardis door and they left together, stepping out into the street hand in hand.

* * *

When they reached the hotel, the bar was quite busy.

The Doctor walked in and led her over to the bar, where she sat on a stool, and then the Doctor sat beside her, she looked away hiding a smile as he faked a look of discomfort as he sat down.

"Oh no, I think its going to be one of those days," he complained, "Constant pain...it's not fun."

And the young barmaid looked across the bar at him sympathetically.

"Are you okay?"

"I wish I was!" he exclaimed, "I'm never out of pain. Bad accident a few years ago...left me like this. I never know when I'm going to be suffering because of it, and it always gets me right down here."

He pushed his open jacket aside and placed his hand low down, stopping just short of his groin area.

"But my girlfriend looks after me, don't you, Clara."

And Clara smiled.

"I don't know what I'd do without her," the Doctor added, then he changed the subject and ordered two drinks, half a shandy for him and a white wine for her.

"_You must love him a lot to do that."_

Clara turned to see two young women standing beside her who had over heard the conversation.

She smiled again, but didn't dare look at the Doctor for hear of giggling, and then she nodded again.

"I do," she said, and that was not a lie, "I love him so much – I'd do anything for him."

"She got me through everything after the accident," the Doctor added, "It wasn't easy for her..." and he lowered his voice and leaned closer to them, "I don't want to say what happened but it's affected me in a difficult place, if you get what I mean. I thought my life was over. _But she can do miracles with her hands_."

Clara's eyes widened.

She was considering pretty soon it would be time to give him a gentle prod in the ribs with her elbow, because she didn't want his discussion getting too intimate with the two women...

"She has taken such good care of me I feel like a man again, I can...you know, function again. Sorry, that's too much information..."

And then he drew in a sharp breath, looking away as he blinked to fight back fake tears.

Clara suppressed a smile as the two women looked on in sympathy.

"Oh don't get upset," one of them said, "You're lucky to have a girl like her."

"I know that," he said, and then he smiled as his eyes reflected an impressive amount of fake emotion.

"Oh please, I don't deserve all this praise," Clara said, and she was struggling to hold back from laughing.

"You do my darling," the Doctor replied, "You really do. And you're doing _so_ well."

He cast her a glance and she understood – yes, she was convincing total strangers this back story was true...

Then the Doctor put down his drink and pain registered on his face as he pressed his hand against his body, close to his hip but not quite low to his groin.

"Oh no, not again...Clara, I think you should take me back to our room. I need to rest."

"Of course," she said, helping him from the bar stool.

She kept her arm around him as they left the bar and went over to the lift.

Clara pressed the call button, and the Doctor was still keeping up the act.

"You'd better put me to bed, nurse," he said, and then he winked.

The doors of the lift opened and they went inside.

* * *

As the lift began to climb the Doctor took her hand and placed it on his body, below his belt, where she felt a raging hardness.

"You know what to do," he said in a low voice, "The best cure is to undress me, put me to bed and take care of_ this._ Make me come hard, Clara. Show me what a good nurse you can be, those are your instructions."

And he leaned closer and their lips touched and deepened into a passionate kiss.

Then the lift stopped and the doors opened and he walked out of the lift, she followed, he waited for her to catch up with him, and seeing the corridor was empty, he faked the pain again.

"_Hurry up nurse, I need a blow job!"_ he said, and she giggled as she hurried up the hallway to join him.

* * *

As they entered their room, the Doctor leaned against the door and gave a sigh as he held his hand against the imaginary wound.

"You'd better put me to bed." he said to her.

"Of course," she replied, and she put her arm around him and helped him over to the bed, thoroughly enjoying this role play game.

Then he laid back on the bed and as she stood there looking at him, her eyes roamed over the sight of the Doctor, on that bed in his suit, waiting to be undressed.

"I'll take my time," she whispered, "You lay back and relax, Doctor, I'll take care of everything."

He closed his eyes.

"Please do, Clara."

She spread open his jacket and then began to unbutton his waistcoat, as it fell open she looked into his eyes.

"Hurry up," he said to her "I'm in pain and only one thing can cure me!"

"Don't worry," she said softly "I'll soon have you undressed and then I'll take care of that problem of yours...I'll have it my mouth before you know it!"

And her words made him breathe out heavily in anticipation.

He sat up as she helped him undress, and by the time she had unbuckled his belt she knew she dared not even brush against the hardness beneath the fabric of his clothing, he was so hard he felt as if he was ready to burst.

After the Doctor had removed the last of his clothing, he lay back naked on the bed, and looked at Clara with desire burning in his eyes. But he still managed to keep the game going.

"Don't deal with my problem just yet," he said to her, "Massage me first, attend to all of me."

"Of course," she said, picking up the bottle of body lotion she had noticed left next to the bed, "As your servant and carer it's my duty to obey you."

And he closed his eyes and gave a deep sigh of contentment.

"I love it when you talk like that! Yes please nurse Clara, massage me all over."

And Clara poured some lotion into her hands, then started gliding them over the Doctor's hips. As she massaged him, it was tempting to lean down and take him in her mouth because he was so hard, but she knew better than to spoil the game. She was still tender from the intimate spanking from the day before, and was not able to withstand a second lot today...

"_Worship me, worship me all over," _he whispered, and she got up and sat at the bottom of the bed, put more lotion on her hands and began to gently rub his feet.

The Doctor gave another sigh.

"That feels _so_ good...just keep going...all over...every inch of me..."

As she slowly rubbed the lotion into his skin she smiled, feeling a glow of contentment as she worked her way gradually up his body, inch by inch...

_This was just perfect._

She was being given permission to have access to every single part of him.

This was going to be_ so_ good...

* * *

**Part 2 will be concluded in chapter 11.**


	11. Chapter 11 : I'm His Carer (Part 2)

Chapter 11: I'm his Carer (Part 2)

As Clara's hands glided slowly over the Doctor's body, she took her time, enjoying every moment of this chance to serve him and obey and the sight of him naked and giving a sigh of contentment was a reward in itself – she looked down at him and smiled, deciding she would be happy to do this any time he asked her to, just to get her hands on his body and lavish it with all the love and attention he could handle.

_And the Doctor could handle a lot._ He was erect and she knew to leave it alone for now – she desperately wanted to stroke him down there, to hear him give low moans of bliss and deepest appreciation, but that would have meant it would all be over far too soon.

"Do you want me to take care of this yet?" she asked, and she ran her hand across his body lightly, just above his pubic hair.

The Doctor caught his breath.

"_No, not yet...make it last..."_

A slow smile spread across her face as she recalled how she had forced his climax in the console room.

"You don't want me to make you come now? I know how to speed it up..."

"No!" he said firmly, "_Don't _do that, do it slowly. Or I'll punish you. The belt will come off again!"

That threat sent a shudder of pleasure through her body as her too sensitive sex tingled at the thought of another intimate spanking. It would hurt, and it was the last thing she needed, yet her body was screaming out for it. The pain and pleasure would blur and the climax would be so intense...

_No._

_Better not. _

_She was too tender from the previous spanking, done by his hand, a belt would be too much to take._

What was it about these games they played that made her yearn to cross another line, into much darker territory?

She knew the answer at once as her clitoris ached.

Oh yes, _that._ It was silently screaming for more and more - because it was all about the orgasm.

But she pushed those thoughts aside as the Doctor turned over and gave a sigh as her hands glided up his back to his shoulders.

"You have a great body," she whispered, "I love every inch of you."

Then as she put more lotion on her hands she shifted her gaze down to his backside and then her hands were there, gliding over him slowly and deliberately.

"You've got a great arse."

He laughed softly into the pillow.

"And don't go any further. _I'm just not into that_."

Her finger had trailed slowly down between his buttocks, but she promptly removed it and placed her hands on his lower back instead.

"Sorry, I just got curious."

"Well don't. That's one area I have no interest in when it comes to sex play."

Clara smiled.

"And I was going to kiss it for you..."

He gave a sigh.

"It's a tempting idea purely because it came from you, but_ no_."

She leaned over him and placed a gentle kiss on his lower back, letting her tongue slide gently upwards, tracing the path of his spine. When she reached his shoulders, she kissed him again, then she kissed the back of his neck.

"How are you feeling now?" she whispered in his ear, "After all this attention, is the pain any better?"

And she slid her hand beneath him and he gave a soft moan against the pillow as she gently stroked his erection.

"I need to turn over," he said.

Clara watched as he turned on to his back, feeling a bolt of excitement run through her body. The Doctor was hard, more than that, he was rock solid and ready to burst.

"And how would you like Nurse Clara to make it all better?" she said to him.

Their eyes met, and the desire she saw burning in his blue gaze made her ache and as she shifted closer to him she felt warm, sticky wetness at the top of her thighs.

"Gently." he said to her, and he took hold of her hand and placed it on his hardness, then he reached for her and pulled her down beside him, sliding his arm around her as he kissed her.

"_Make me come, Clara," _he whispered.

As she began to massage him intimately, her hand gripping lightly but firmly as she stroked him, he gave a sigh and the look of absolute pleasure on his face felt like the ultimate reward for her attention and her service to her dominant lover.

"_That's perfect, keep going,"_ he whispered, and she obeyed him, keeping the rhythm gentle as she stimulated him.

The Doctor tensed, catching his breath as she took him close the edge.

"_Come here,"_ he whispered, _"Kiss me, Clara... I'm coming, kiss me..."_

She shifted closer and he pulled her into a tight embrace as their lips met and then they were kissing deeply, desperately as his body shook and he struggled to hold back as long as he could.

Clara kept the rhythm going, firmly and harder now, and he gave a low moan deep in his throat as he clung to her and kept his mouth locked on hers, desperate to keep the kiss deep, locking them together as he reached climax.

As he thrust hard against her grip and ran warm over her hand, he gave a muffled cry and his kiss grew deeper and more bruising, then as the last throb of his orgasm faded, he broke off from the kiss and looked at her with eyes glazed with satisfaction.

"_That was beautiful!"_ he said breathlessly, and then he lay back recovering his breath, his face flushed from the glow of all she had done to make it happen so intensely.

Then the Doctor looked down at the mess on her hand and on his body and met her gaze with amusement in his eyes.

"Clean it up then," And he winked.

She looked at him, unsure if he was joking.

"You want me to..."

"I don't have a handkerchief."

"Okay, then, if you want me to -"

He laughed as he placed his hand on her arm, stopping her just as she was about to follow orders.

"Clara," he said, "I will take you so far but never too far. I _do_ respect you!"

And then he handed her a box of tissues she hadn't noticed near the bed, and she laughed as she pulled out two and began to wipe him clean.

* * *

They rested together in bed afterwards, Clara felt at peace in his arms as he held her and spoke softly to her.

"You're still learning," he said.

She had her head on his shoulder, and she raised it and looked into his eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"You're still learning what this is about, Clara. I know you get urges to do so much for me, I know you have fantasies that probably go far beyond anything we would ever do in reality, but you _have_ to learn where to draw the line."

She smiled.

"You drew the line for me and I crossed it. Now I want to keep on crossing it to see how far I can go."

He looked at her thoughtfully.

"Why?"

"Why?" she repeated, "Well, I don't know...it's just an urge...like I need to know how far I can go for you, and for me, for what pleases me. You've opened a door to me, showed me something I had never known about before. I mean, I knew what S and M was, of course I did – but I'd never thought about the possibility that I'd ever fall in love with a man who would bring out that kind of stuff in me. I never even knew I wanted it."

The Doctor smiled and his eyes darkened a little.

"I always knew. I could see it in you, the way you desperately tried to control everything around you, when all you wanted to do deep down -"

"_Was to let go."_

"Exactly. But now you have let go and surrendered to me, you need to understand there are some lines we will _never_ cross. We can cross them verbally, but the extreme stuff is only good in fantasy, remember that. Thankfully I'm a two thousand year old dominant who understands what safe sane and consensual means. Also yes, I love the idea of you licking up my come - but I'd never want you to go that far in real life, I have standards and a great deal of respect for you as the woman I love. Never doubt me when I say it's a game, Clara. _It's all a game_. And I don't hurt anyone, I never have and I never will."

She smiled again.

"So you are that rare breed of kind dominant who won't really hurt his submissive?"

"_Correct."_

He kissed her again, and then he held her in his arms, and they slept for a while, warm in a close embrace.

When they awoke, Clara gave a sigh and turned her head and met the Doctor's gaze.

"I suppose we had better leave soon."

"Yes, time to go back to the Tardis. This has been fun. Did you like playing this game?"

Clara giggled.

"I can't believe you said all that stuff in front of total strangers!"

"Well, it added to our fantasy. It's always useful to add something to make the whole scenario seem realistic – adds to the fire in the bedroom."

"It certainly does," she agreed.

Then as they lay together, a thought came to mind and she asked the Doctor a question.

"You say you've always kept it safe sane and consensual, but you must have done some pretty heavy stuff over the years at some point?"

The Doctor looked at her.

His memory silently shifted back to another life time long ago when he had first encountered the Marquis De Sade...

_Oh yes indeed, it had certainly got heavy._

_But that was not for his sweet Clara Oswald to know._

_Then he thought of Missy, his gift to De Sade, and decided when he got the opportunity, he would have to pop back to see how the female Master was enjoying torture at De Sade's château..._

_Again, that was not a place he ever intended to take Clara. _

_He could think of a few ex lovers he would have taken there._

_But not her._

_Not his sweet Clara._

"Well?" she asked him, "Have you ever done anything really kinky, really bad?"

"No," he said quickly, "I told you, there are some lines I don't cross."

"Why not?" she asked cautiously, and he could tell by the look in her eyes she wanted to push this conversation further – it was not going to happen.

"Clara," he said, "If I went that deep and dark into that lifestyle, do you think I could ever forget about it? You know what you said about doors, well if I did that I'd be opening a door I could never shut again. I couldn't live like that, I'd be like a man with a sleeping beast inside me, ready to slip its chains and go like a wild animal at the slightest provocation. I couldn't live like that!"

She laughed softly.

"Of course you couldn't! And I couldn't imagine you having a secret side as dark as that."

"Neither can I," the Doctor replied, and as he turned his back to get out of bed a sly smile spread across his face.

"Oh no Clara, I'd _never_ go down into the dark depths of it. I know when to stop, I know where to draw the line."

And then he glanced at her and she gave him a smile that made his hearts melt, his sweet Clara who didn't know he had just lied to her, mainly for her own good, because she was far too keen and adventurous for him to dare to draw her in any deeper...

* * *

A short while later they left the hotel and headed back to the Tardis.

As they walked she held his hand, and she was talking about how much fun they had just had. His thoughts were on the lie he had told, but he felt no guilt over it:

_He loved Clara._

_But he was two thousand years old and had enjoyed many experiences over that time, and some were simply not for sharing, not with a girl like Clara, who was still so innocent in so many ways. _

He would never share it with her, not the truly dark side, because he loved her, and now he was with her he knew which side of the line he intended to stay on, for her sake as well as his own...


	12. Chapter 12 : Companion Wanted

Chapter 12 : Companion Wanted

As Clara slept beside him, the Doctor lay awake thinking about just how good their latest adventures had been, it seemed every day she loved him more and the depth of her devotion deepened, just when he thought that was impossible.

But she was his impossible girl, and she certainly loved him impossibly, despite all his faults and fetishes and demanding needs...

There had been a time long ago, while Clara was still living part time on earth and enjoying a double life, that he had wondered if she would ever really commit to him.

_He had loved her too deeply to ask her, and so had patiently waited._

_That wait had paid off now, of course._

_But there had been a day that had almost changed everything._

_Almost..._

* * *

_It had happened after the painful quarrel he would never forget, when Clara had told him to go away from her – far away..._

He had promptly taken off in the Tardis leaving an empty classroom and a flurry of paper in his wake as he left Coal Hill School and Clara's life for a brief and painful time.

_It had got very lonely._

But at least he hadn't gone far – he had taken the police box to the other side of town, materialised on a busy street where it would not look out of place, and then consoled himself with the fact that at least he had _not_ gone far away as she had tried to order him to.

That was back in the days when Clara still gave orders, and he did not miss her control freak side at all now, not now things were so much better and she showed him proper respect as a lover, the kind of respect he craved in the bedroom.

But back then, after that quarrel, he had felt desperately alone.

And he had done something random, something totally out of character because of it.

He had taken a pen and piece of paper and written a note:

_'Companion wanted for space and time travel._

_Must be respectful at all times and preferably have no commitments or complications. Apply within – The Doctor.'_

Then he had stuck it on the front of the Tardis door...

* * *

The Doctor had gone back inside, leaned against the console facing the door with his arms folded as he watched and waited.

_No one knocked._

He thought about Clara.

Her words still stung, their sharpness, the things she had said to him, but most of all, it hurt mostly because the look in her eyes had been pure ice.

He had not expected to get his heart broken after two thousand years, he had figured it had been broken enough times that it had never glued back together right in the first place, also that there couldn't possibly been any pieces left whole to break after so long and so many lives and lost loves...

But Clara had proved that assumption wrong, and sure enough heartache hurt just as much now as it had done all those centuries before when he had felt it for the first time.

Yes, Clara had hurt him, and he was close now to simply taking off and never coming back to this planet again, it didn't matter that he loved the place, it would now forever hold memories of her...

He was lost in thoughts of Clara that made his twin hearts ache.

_And then came a distraction._

_There was a knock on the Tardis door._

* * *

He hurried to answer it, of course it wasn't Clara – but he partly hoped it was, and then he remembered it wouldn't be her because they had just had a bitter falling out...

He opened the door.

"Yes?"

She looked up at him.

The woman was tiny, no more than five feet tall and she had to look right up at him, and as she did so, she smiled and then her gaze shifted back down his body, noticing the way his elegant suit looked good on his slender but athletic frame. Then her eyes met his again and she was still smiling.

"You're the Doctor? Why are you in a phone box?"

"It's a police box!"

She stepped back, looked at the blue box, and as the breeze picked up she tossed her long black hair off her shoulder and then looked at him again.

"Okay, I'll rephrase it, why are you in a _police box?_"

"If you come inside I'll explain."

Her green eyes sparkled. Those eyes were heavily lined with dark eye liner making her look either a bit gypsy or a bit Egyptian, he couldn't decide which. But her lashes were long and when she blinked seemed to emphasise her striking eyes. Her long hair was up in a high pony tail that trailed half way down her back, the side of her hair was streaked with gold and her tight black top emphasised the curve of her breasts very nicely. Her waist was slender and she wore faded jeans with a leather belt. The jeans hugged her hips and her shoes were high – the heels were the kind of sexy height he wished Clara would wear, but he doubted after their quarrel he would ever speak to her again, let alone talk about his fetishes...

She ran her fingers through a lock of hair that trailed over her shoulder and her silver charm bracelet jangled.

"You want me to go inside that _tiny box_ with _you_?"

He stepped back and opened the door wider.

"Look behind me. There's plenty of room inside, It's a Tardis, a time machine."

Her eyes widened.

"What?" she said, and she stepped back away from the door, then she walked around the Tardis to be sure she had got it right, and finally, she came back to the open door and looked inside, past the Doctor.

"How can that be? It's bigger on the inside!"

"I know," he replied, "Are you coming in?"

She looked at him. He smiled. She smiled too, and then she took a deep breath and stepped inside, making the choice to take a chance.

* * *

As the door closed behind her, she walked towards the vast console area, stopped, looked up, then around, and finally back at the handsome man in the dark suit who stood by the controls. As he put his hands in his pockets she saw a flash of crimson lining to his jacket.

"This is my ship," he told her, "Do you like it?"

She found that question difficult to answer. The place was vast and unlike anything she had ever seen before.

"Yeah...it's alright, it's different."

"Do you like_ different_?" he asked her, "Because I travel to many places and I see a lot of strange things."

She looked a little bewildered, still taking in the fact that the ship was bigger on the inside.

"What's your name?" he asked her.

"Annie," she said, "What's yours?"

"Just, the Doctor."

She looked around the console room again and stepped closer to him, then she looked up at him, and again, her gaze lingered.

"And this is a _time machine_?"

He gave a sigh.

"Do I have to repeat _everything_ to you twice?"

And she smiled again, and he found it hard to be annoyed with her for too long.

_She was nothing like Clara._

She was the kind of girl he could mould to his own liking, if it went that way.

He would probably fall for her eventually, too – but no one could truly replace Clara Oswald. He wished this one could. But Clara was lodged too deeply in his twin hearts for any other woman to make a life changing difference now...

"So, are you going to show me how this time machine works?" she asked him.

He leaned over the console and threw a lever and the engines groaned and whooshed.

* * *

As they took off, he snapped his fingers

_Yes, he was trying to impress her with that old snap the fingers and the door opens routine..._

She stared in surprise to see a view of black space filled with stars.

"Won't we get sucked out the door?"

"The shields are up, we're quite safe. Tell me more about yourself."

She stood there looking up into his eyes.

It was instant attraction, and he knew it.

"What are you?" she asked him.

"I'm a Time Lord, from a planet called Gallifrey. I'm an alien."

"Best looking alien I've ever seen," she said, and she was half joking and half flirting, and she laughed softly and he smiled too, but then her smile faded as she saw his eyes darken and he stepped closer to her.

He knew she wanted him, he could sense her heat rising as her pupils dilated. If he looked into her mind he knew he would see images of pure lust and desire, but there was no need to bother doing that.

Her hand brushed his, and he took hold of it.

She stood there, caught in the power of his gaze, and it was one of those moments where he knew he had a choice – turn away, or kiss the girl.

_And so he pulled her close and kissed her._

* * *

As the Tardis flew on, he didn't break off from his kiss as he snapped his fingers again and the Tardis doors closed, and then he took her by the hand and led her from the console room and down the corridor that led to his bedroom.

They kissed again as he took her into the room, the lights came on softly as he entered the room and he pulled her over to his big, wide, four poster bed and then pushed her down on to it as he stood over her and stripped off his jacket and waistcoat. He gave a tug to his top shirt buttons, and then he was on her, the two of them rolling on the bed as they kissed again, hot and breathless.

Then the Doctor got up on his knees and loosened his belt and as he made eye contact with her, he saw aching desire.

"You want this?"

He freed his erection, and her mouth dropped open, either because she was impressed, or out of pure need to take him deep inside her.

She nodded.

"_Nicely,"_ he said, and as she crawled across the bed he caught her by the hair and slid into her willing mouth. She resisted at first, gasping at the way he had taken control.

"_Suck it nicely, swallow it all down, understand I appreciate being the boss around here."_

She looked up at him, her mouth still full, and then she sucked again, obediently, and seeing such compliance in her eyes made him harden rapidly, achingly.

Annie obeyed him so automatically he felt his desire rushing higher by the second as a thousand possibilities played through his mind. As her mouth worked on him and his thoughts grew hotter and darker, he lost control, and grabbed her by the hair a second time, burying himself deep in her mouth, ensuring she swallowed it down as commanded.

She obliged easily, and then she released him and looked into his eyes.

"Thank you," he said breathlessly, and he drew her down on to the bed and embraced her.

* * *

He held her for hours.

They talked, he told her about his travels and they kissed some more and when he said he needed to explain he was _always_ the boss in the bedroom, she smiled and her eyes lit up.

"Good," she whispered, and they kissed deeply as her hands slid over his body seductively.

"So," she said, "Do you have a girlfriend?"

_And that was when the bubble burst._

His eyes filled with tears as he thought of Clara.

"I hope I still do - I'm so sorry, I didn't tell you - but there's someone I love very much. We had a fight and I don't know if she's coming back. I _need_ her back."

And his hearts ached as he wept and Annie held him.

"It's okay," she said softly, "I'm not surprised a bloke like you would have a girlfriend, you're good looking -"

As the Doctor's tears dried he laughed.

"I'm what? You should have seen me before I regenerated, I was much younger then, I looked totally different."

"I don't go for younger men. You're fine just the way you are. _Very_ fine."

And as they lay together he looked into her eyes and wondered what might be if they took off through the time vortex together.

* * *

A short while later the Doctor got off the bed and picked up his clothes and began to get dressed again.

His thoughts were caught between Clara and Annie, but he still ached for Clara and that ache was deep.

"I'd better go back to the console room," he said to her, "So tell me, where would you like to go, Annie? I can take you anywhere. Let's see if you enjoy travelling in my Tardis."

"I can't do it today."

She checked her watch, and then her eyes grew wide.

"I've got to be at the school at three! I've got five minutes!"

He was in the middle of getting dressed.

"School? You're not a teacher, are you? Because you don't look like a teacher to me!"

She jumped off the bed and grabbed her clothing.

"I've got a five year old daughter."

She was getting dressed quickly.

"Just get me back as fast as you can!"

The Doctor buckled his belt and reached for his shirt.

"_You've got a kid?"_

She looked at him.

"Yes, what of it? Can't I do this companion thing on school hours?"

He buttoned up his shirt, left off his waistcoat and put his jacket back on, then paused to run his hand over his hair.

"Annie, travelling in the Tardis can be dangerous. I shouldn't even think about taking you on when you've got a child to consider... but I will think about it, okay? I'll think about it because I like you."

She looked at him gratefully and smiled.

"Thanks," she said, "I like you too, Doctor."

And then he left the bedroom, returning to the console room while she carried on getting dressed.

* * *

A few moments later she had joined him, and he had landed the Tardis outside the primary school.

"It's a minute to three," he told her.

She looked into his eyes and as she walked over to him, he thought again of Clara, and his hearts ached for her, but as he drew Annie into his arms and held her a little of the pain subsided.

_Yes, he could learn to love her, in time...eventually, if he could ever get Clara Oswald out of his thoughts..._

He kissed her goodbye.

"See you again tomorrow?" he asked.

She smiled.

"Bye, Doctor," she said warmly, and then the door of the Tardis closed behind her, and she was gone.

* * *

After the Tardis took off again, the Doctor went back to the bedroom, reflecting on all that had happened.

The room still carried the scent of her perfume and as he stepped closer to the bed he recalled the way she had so willingly obeyed him, and the memory of it lingered as he stood there.

_Then he noticed a folded piece of paper on his pillow. _

The Doctor picked it up.

It was a note from Annie.

As he read it, he realised it was the sweetest goodbye he had ever been handed:

_'Dear Doctor,'_ she had written, _'I know I can't come with you. Because I realise now, what you do is dangerous. I can't fly around time and space and leave my child behind not knowing if I might never see her again. You're right about that. And I also realise you like to live dangerously. Of course you do, it's been the story of my life, it's even the reason my child came to be born in the first place – I can't resist a man who lives on the edge. I'm not saying you're a bad boy, at least not the kind I'm used to, more like you're a rebel, the kind of guy who girls like me fall for and then we get our hearts broken one way or another. But that's okay, I'll always remember you. Stay safe, Doctor. Don't take too many chances when you dice with danger in the unknown. All my love, Annie.'_

He had read that letter twice, then folded it and put it away safely, stored with other mementos of lost loves. And then he had thought about all that had happened, and his hearts still ached and suddenly, he knew where he needed to be.

He took the Tardis back to Clara's place and waited for her, and while he waited he took the note off the door and threw it away.

* * *

_That had been back then, and so much had happened since._

_Now he was with Clara, and he intended to stay with her forever._

_But once in a while, as she slept and he lay awake beside her, he liked to think back to what might have been._

_Her name was Annie, she liked to be dominated and she had sucked his cock. _

_But she was in the past, and Clara was his future..._

Just then Clara turned over and gave a sigh, shifting closer to the warmth of his body.

"I love you," he whispered, and she smiled in her sleep, and he kissed her cheek and she slept on, as he held her and lay there in the dark, thinking about the past and feeling thankful for how it had turned out in the end, because it had to be Clara, it would always be Clara - because she was the woman he loved like no other.


	13. Chapter 13 : Smack It

**Author Note: Contains scenes of BDSM.**

Chapter 13: Smack It

Clara Oswald's diary:

I must write this, I'm bursting to write it down, because every day he amazes me, the Doctor is simply amazing!

I know he is _The One_, the love of my life - in his arms I know complete love. Our friendship has grown into a deep love, and with deep love comes the deepest of trust :

_Absolute Trust. _

Until me and the Doctor got together, I never knew I longed for the kind of relationship where I could be 'owned' in the sense that all things pleasurable would come by the command and decision of my partner, him above, me below, me sitting in abeyance to his command, at his feet like a slave or on my knees like a whore, or in his arms where his embrace felt like steel armour as he protected me with the shield of his love and kept me only to himself...

I look up to him with the kind of awe only another submissive could understand. Love is amazing in any form but when a submissive loves, they kneel in worship and if this worship is only in the mind, it stays deep and needing with every thought, every glance, every touch, every kiss. Each time I looked at him, no matter where we were or what we were doing at the time, it was there in my eyes :

_I needed to serve him._

He didn't have to ask me any more. I longed to kneel at his feet and worship him. He deserved to be put on a pedestal and worshipped. The very thought of him becoming this to me made me warm inside. The thought of being dominated by him gave me an aura of peace to have that fulfilment at last.

_And this is about the day we talked about our plans, after I told him I want to go further..._

* * *

The day we _really_ talked about what I was to expect – after he warned me not to yearn to go _too _deep and dark - we were together at my place, on the sofa while the fire flickered and as he looked into it I don't know if it was the tension building up in me, but I swore there was something unearthly about the way the light seemed to reflect in his eyes.

As he looked at me I felt a rush of desire shoot through me as I thought again how he was quite simply the most beautiful man I had ever seen. Everything about him was beautiful. He would look even more beautiful if I was on the floor, on my knees looking up at him, while he looked down on me.

"I've been thinking some more about what you said," the Doctor told me, "And I've decided I would like to perhaps go a _little _darker with you. But I will be careful how I go about it. I can't have you turning into a_ total _pain slut, Clara!"

And then he laughed, as I felt a bolt of sexual energy shoot through my body. "But I want to make something clear first."

"I'm listening," I said quickly, keen not to displease him.

"I won't do anything that harms you," the Doctor said, "Even if you want me to. I love you and what excites you when you're on the brink of orgasm might not be what you want in reality. So nothing that draws blood. Nothing dangerous. And I have the final say in this, that is how it's going to be."

He sounded so commanding.

I smiled.

"So what would you like to do?"

He didn't need to think about it, he had been thinking about it for a long time, as he started to speak I realised he had been welcoming the idea all the long, it had just been a case of reassuring himself of boundaries and the fact that I wanted this completely.

"On certain occasions you will wear only what I tell you to wear - and that includes my preference for seeing you in _very_ high stiletto shoes, I know you struggle to walk in them but it will restrict you and I like that." he paused as playful amusement danced in his eyes.

"Am I giving you what you want? I've been thinking about it for a long time and there_ is_ more...shall I go on?"

I was a little breathless and my heart was fluttering. I nodded.

He saw how worked up I was getting and laughed softly. He put his arm around me and gave me a squeeze.

"I've only just started Clara, there's a _lot_ more. Do you want me to tell you?"

_"Yes please."_

"I'm going to spank you a little harder than before, I will spank you with my hand, especially in the front, and I know you like it in the front so I think we can make that a little more painful now... I like the idea of watching your skin go red down there. You'll enjoy being restrained while I do it – and I have a little surprise waiting for you, too."

As he spoke I could feel my juices running, I opened my legs and let my skirt ride up, he looked down and saw how swollen I was, how my wetness gleamed in the flickering firelight.

_"Let me see,"_ he told me, so I pulled up my skirt and opened my legs wider.

He put his hand between my legs and pressed his fingers either side of my sex and opened me wide. His touch made me sigh and want to beg him for more, but I knew he had more to say so I sat there spread open while he spread me and slid his finger in and watched a trail of wetness come away from me.

"You're nicely wet. _Don't_ touch yourself and I'll tell you some more."

And he took his hand away, leaving me feeling open and damp, my clitoris swollen and silently screaming for release. But this was an order and I was bound to obey it. And I loved it!

"I like you wearing no knickers for me. Sometimes I might tell you to put on something sexy but at home, here or on board the Tardis - I want easy access to your body at all times. And on the subject of blow jobs, from now on, every morning when you wake, unless I have my hand down there playing with you, you are to suck me off straight away, as soon as you wake up. You_ don't _go to the bathroom, you don't make some breakfast, you suck me off and once you've swallowed it down you can do what you like until I say otherwise."

He paused, smiling as he waited for my reaction.

"Yes, that sounds good,"I said.

The Doctor continued:

"And I will let you worship me, you can get on your knees and kiss my shoes and I may even ask you to clean them for me. I will also expect you to tell me how much you adore me. You can say that any way you like, but 'I love you' is allowed because although our games won't extend outside of our sex life, I will _still_ love you no matter what we are doing. And if you find it gets too much you can always tell me _Enough_ and we can stop the games. I want to play but you have the right to change your mind. We are in a loving relationship and this is role play, outside of it we are still _Us_ and I want you to remember that."

I didn't have to thank him, he could see the gratitude in my eyes. He drew me into his arms and held me tightly.

"This is going to be wonderful," I whispered.

He ran his hand down my hair and kissed my cheek.

"Don't be too grateful, you might change your mind later on."

"No, I won't."

I looked into his eyes.

"Can we start now?"

His gaze darkened with desire.

"Of course we can," he said to me.

* * *

The Doctor and took my hand and led me into the bedroom.

The room looked tidy. I thought he had tidied up.

No, he had made some changes in here. My dressing table had been re-arranged and my wardrobe doors were open. He led me over to the wardrobe. Half my clothes were still there, but there was new stuff hanging up too, short, tight dresses, mini skirts and tops with low cleavage, some very high heeled shoes and boots, too. And my underwear drawer was open, new g strings and other lingerie was in there.

"You will wear these things when I ask you to," he told me.

"Now put on something sexy. Then you will be ready to come and kneel before me and worship."

I shivered with excitement. He had laid out a black PVC corset and knickers, the knickers had a silver zip that ran all the way from the front to the back for easy access.

"One more thing," he said, and slipped a leather collar around my neck and fastened it up. It was a plain black leather collar with tiny little studs that ran around it's length, it was lightweight and would have belonged in my old wardrobe as a fashion statement but now it meant much, much more.

"Thank you, Doctor," I said softly.

"Be ready," he said firmly, "I will be waiting for you."

I had trouble lacing up the front of the corset, when reined in my breasts always fought a short rebellion before I got my own way. Satisfied the cleavage was perfect, I slid on the zipped up PVC knickers. They were quite fitted like bikini bottoms and once I had them on I could feel my wetness making the fabric stick to me.

The metallic zip brushed at my sex as I walked. He loved me to shave down there anyway, but now I was even more glad that I did, I didn't cherish the thought of hair getting caught in that zip - good thing I didn't have any!

I walked slowly from the bedroom.

* * *

"Where are you, Doctor?" I called out.

He answered me and his voice drifted from the front room. I was thankful my nets were long and heavy – it wouldn't have done for the neighbours to have seen this going on!

The door was closed, I took my time getting there because I knew that although we had already begun, until I turned the handle and walked in, the change would not be complete. This was the edge, yet another line I had wanted to cross for so long and now I was here, about to step over it.

I wished I could bottle this moment, this breath, these beats of my heart as I crossed over into the fantasy of my dreams now made flesh.

I turned the handle and pushed the door open.

It was then I saw the surprise he had set up for me while I was getting ready:

The room was dark, church candles burned brightly at the end of the room, on tables, on shelves, to the left was a black leather reclining chair that had wrist and ankle straps attached. I couldn't make a mental note of anything more than that because I was so high on the buzz of all this. All I knew was this:

At the end of the room, surrounded by flickering candle light, was the Doctor, my Lord. He was dressed all in black as usual, but his shirt was open and he was wearing a pair of very, very shiny polished black leather shoes that seemed to whisper_ 'lick me clean' _as I looked at them.

He stood there looking at me for a moment, then he held out his hands as if emanating a great power, and the very gesture made me want to grovel at his feet.

His eyes met mine.

_"Kneel before me and show respect."_

I took several steps forward, it was difficult as I was weak with desire, and then I fell gratefully to my knees.

I looked up at the Doctor, and in that moment I wanted to say _'I love you' _but that would have to wait. He had slid into darker, deeper dominance so easily, and I was afraid of breaking the spell.

"Tell me," he commanded.

I was low down on my knees, looking far up at him and I said:

"I exist only to serve you my Lord, my body is the vessel of your pleasure and I belong entirely to you. Please take this humble servant and use me as you will, pleasure or pain, bless me with your divine touch and rule me, use me, pleasure me, do as you see fit with me, I beg of you."

"Kiss my feet," he ordered.

I bent down low, planted a single kiss on his right foot, then his left. The leather felt so good as my lips brushed it I wanted to lick his shoes right there and then, but here in this room there was no choice for me to make, my role was to wait, listen and obey.

He didn't make me endure an agony of seconds.

He said it at once.

_"Clean my shoes."_

I kissed the leather again, let my tongue slide slowly over the cool smoothness, they already shone in the candle light but now they shone even more. That was me, Clara Oswald - boot licker and happy to be.

"That's enough," he said, after I had been allowed a few minutes indulgence.

Then the Doctor took me by the hand and led me over to the chair.

He kissed my lips.

"I love you," the Doctor said softly.

"I love you too, I love you so much."

_"Get on the chair, I'm going to restrain you."_

I hadn't expected that reply, but I complied, getting onto the reclined chair on and laying back. He spread my legs and fastened ankle straps.

"Put your arms around the headrest," he told me.

I didn't expect what happened next. He didn't use the soft wrist restraints attached to the chair. Instead he snapped handcuffs on my wrists. Now I was locked into position...

Now I was trapped, the Doctor looked down at me.

"Tell me something, Clara," he said to me, "Do you think you would thank me nicely if I spanked you on that soft, sensitive sex of yours?"

"Yes, Doctor."

My voice was barely above a whisper as the excitement made my legs tremble.

"_What _do you want me to do to it?" The Doctor's eyes had darkened with deep desire now, it was that look that made me ache for more, to dare to cross into something much darker...

I replied but my voice was so drowned out with desire I could barely be heard. He was enjoying this and so was I.

The Doctor leaned closer.

_"What did you say?"_

I took in a deep breath and spoke again.

_"Smack it,"_ I said,_ "I want you to smack it, Doctor."_

"Smack you where?" his breath was warm against my face he was so close I could have kissed him, but now was not the time for tenderness.

"Down there," I said in a hushed voice.

"Where, _down there_?."

_"In the front. I want it smacked."_

He leaned down and opened me wide, and gave me a gentle rub.

"I want to see how big it gets after I've finished with you tonight," he told me, "Believe me, it's going to swell right up..."

And he let go, before I started losing control and begging him to make me come...

He put his hand over my shaved flesh and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"I'm going to make it nice and red for you now, Clara," he told me, and then he slapped me hard. It made me cry out, but the blow wasn't _that_ hard, it was a sharp sting that hurt but made my sex sing with delight at the joy of pleasure and pain together in a mild to moderate mix.

He slapped me down there again and again, pausing to watch the redness spread over the sensitive skin. Once I was pink and glowing, he paused again and kissed me down there, allowing his tongue caress me just once and no more in case I came too soon.

"As your Lord I have ultimate control over you," he told me, "And I have decided that you need some pain tonight because it makes you wetter and I like you to play with yourself. So I'm going to let Mr Right Hand smack you that little bit harder now, okay?"

I nodded.

"Then I'll begin," he told me.

He slapped me again and again, each slap harder than the one before, each stinging pain blending pleasure and pain together.

I looked down and saw my shaven flesh reddened and swollen and glowing from the punishment, he slapped me there over and over until I gave a moan and thrust my hips closer, oblivious to the pain as he took me to the edge.

It was then he stopped and placed his hands down there over stinging flesh, spreading me wide.

_"Please, lick me, touch me, let me come..."_ I was begging him.

He kept me held open.

"Shh..." he said soothingly, "Not yet, Clara. Not yet, one more to go.."

It registered and I tried to struggled but the bonds held me firmly.

_"No, no, please, not there... not now..."_

He placed his hand over my swollen flesh, let it rest there for a moment and then dealt a sharp stinging blow that made me cry out and sob at the same time.

And still I was throbbing, with desire that broke through the pain as my body screamed for release.

He leaned over me and gently took hold of my face, looked into my eyes.

"Good girl, Clara," he said softly, "Feel it, let it hurt, I'll make it all better in a minute."

"_Thank you,"_ I whispered.

Then he slid his hand down my body as his gaze remained locked with mine.

As he started to rub at my tender flesh I gasped, but now he was talking softly to me.

"_You have taken a lot today, I know you're hurting. I'm going to reward you now...come for me, Clara, be a good girl and come..."_

He rubbed me firmly and I lost control, crying out loudly as the climax exploded through my mind and body.

"_Thank you!"_ I gasped, and as I fell limp against the chair, he released me from the cuffs and the straps, but I had no desire to move because the orgasm had wiped me out.

* * *

He lifted me from the chair and carried me through to the bedroom, laying me gently on to the bed, and then he joined me and held me in his arms as his hand rested between my legs where my flesh glowed from the hardest spanking he had ever given me.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Oh yes, I'm fine," I whispered, and he kissed my cheek.

"Good," the Doctor said softly, "You've done well, Clara."

Then he told me he loved me, and he held me and I slept in his arms, I slept so very well that night...

And that is what happened on the day he told me he would let me go a little bit deeper and darker. He said there will be more to come, but he wants to do it slowly and gently, because he never wants to hurt me, only to make me happy.

_And I believe him, too..._

By Clara Oswald, spanked and happy – again!


	14. Chapter 14:Make Me Another Memory

**Author Note:**

**Sorry I haven't updated for a while I've been busy writing a book which went best seller on Free promo on Amazon Kindle – actually I'm still a bit tired from writing it, but I want to get back into my fan fiction projects before I start my next planned book in January 2015. So here is another chapter. If updates are slow, its because I'm a tired, but happy writer, and proud that my hard work has paid off so well, and I am also planning to start my next book in January! So updates for fan fics WILL be a lot slower! Anyway, enjoy the fic, lovely readers :-)**

* * *

Chapter 14: Make Me Another Memory

"_You might like this game, Clara."_

As the Doctor spoke those words he had a half smile on his face as he turned from the console and looked at her. There was a playful sparkle in his eyes edged with just a dash of darkness that made her smile too and turned her legs to jelly, and set her heart racing in anticipation.

"Try me?"

"I want to show you this." He took a small silver spray can from his pocket.

"It's quite safe to use. I purchased it at Orgasmia Violet Realm, it's the best and biggest sex shop in the galaxy – in fact, I think it's time we went there soon, they have _many _interesting departments including one for painless and instant body modification -"

"_A what?"_

He had caught the warning tone in her voice, and he laughed it off as he felt an ache as instant arousal began, hidden beneath his dark suit where even Clara was not aware of it.

He stepped closer to her as the Tardis flew on through the stars and looked into her eyes.

"I said they offer those services. I didn't say I'd try and persuade_ you_ to undergo any procedures."

She looked at him with a no nonsense look, one that he was sure she often used in the classroom when putting stubborn kids in their place.

"Right Doctor," she said, "You_ know _how far I will go for you – and for me too – its an adventure, right? "

"Of course."

"And I know it's also going to be a trip for _you_ to fuel the fires of your imagination regarding the subject of my parts and what you might like to have altered or - in your dreams – taken off."

He laughed and it was an embarrassed laugh as his cheeks flushed and as he looked away in a moment of shyness, she would have found that endearing if she didn't know he had simply been ashamed at being caught out.

"I suggest you come to bed for dirty and perverted talk about THE subject, and I masturbate it out of you _before_ we get there! Other wise I'm not going!"

He laughed again. His face was still flushed as he met her gaze.

"Clara, I would never pressure you to do anything you didn't want to do. And we're not going there today. I have a plan today for you to have some fun."

"Fun?"

"_Without me."_

She frowned.

"Explain carefully because I _don't_ want to get angry over a misunderstanding, Doctor."

He smiled again.

"I want you to make me another memory. I'm sending you back to meet up with the other Doctor, the Tenth one – you like him – and I'm going to spray you with this," he added, holding up the can,"It will allow you to have feelings of intense arousal for around four hours but it will block the ability to reach climax. It wears off, of course it does, its a temporary thing. I want to remember you meeting up with me again in that lifetime, and letting me give you four hours of oral sex, non stop...then I'm coming back to fetch you as the spray wears off and _then_ I'll give the release you'll be needing."

Clara thought about it, and then she smiled.

"You want me to go with him again?"

The Doctor nodded.

"While you're having fun I'll be enjoying a sensual few hours on my bed, closing my eyes while all these wonderful new memories flood my mind, I do so love being my own voyeur."

She started to smile too.

"You want me to have sex with him?"

"No," he told her, "Oral sex only. I want him to go down on you for four hours."

And then he lifted her skirt, ran his hand over her bare sex and spread her open and hit her with a quick blast of the spray.

Clara gave a gasp as the most sensitive part of her body began to heat up and tingle.

The Doctor put the cap on the spray and slipped it back into his pocket.

"I'm taking you back to the time and place you met him before – this time you get four hours."

He was smiling as he set the co ordinates.

"Clara, give me your eye liner pencil, please."

"What for?"

"Just give it to me," he said, and he winked.

She was still tingling, and had grown swollen and wet as she walked off to fetch her make up pencil, and as she walked along the Tardis corridor, the sensation of the wet heat on her bare sex was _very_ enjoyable indeed...

* * *

She returned to the console room as the Tardis landed. And as she looked into the eyes of her lover she felt a flicker of guilt to be feeling so excited about seeing the other Doctor again. She had tried not to think of him so deeply, but she did, she liked him...

"Are you sure I should be doing this?" she asked him, "I really like your Tenth Doctor. Isn't it a bit dangerous to ...well, you know what they say, three can be a crowd..."

He laughed.

"Get as fond of him as you like – what's the harm in it? He is me, after all. Now come here and keep still."

The Doctor took the eye liner pencil from her and raised her skirt. As the soft tip of the pencil made contact with her shaven sex she giggled as its tip slid over her flesh.

"What are you doing?"

"You'll see."

The Doctor finished his task and then glanced down between her legs.

"Take a look."

Clara looked down and then she giggled again. The Doctor had neatly written instructions for his other self:  
_Please eat me. Enjoy your meal._

"Off you go, then."

Her eyes widened in surprise.

"Right now?"

"Yes and hurry up, Clara – you have four hours!"

He led her to the Tardis door and kissed her, and as he pulled back his eyes sparkled.

"Make me some great memories, Clara."

"I will," she told him, smiling at the thought of it, and then she stepped out of the Tardis.

She saw she was back on the hillside, and a short distance away on the hill crest was the Tenth Doctor's Tardis, in the same place she remembered seeing it last.

There was a groan of engines and she looked back to see the Doctor had left now, he had left her to make him another memory... The spray was still making her feel warm and the thought of their last encounter made her tingle all over again. Clara made her way up the hillside, towards the other Tardis, smiling as she guessed this would be a very unexpected – and welcome – surprise for the Tenth Doctor.

* * *

When she reached the door of the Tardis, she knocked softly.

The door opened almost immediately, and there he was, the Tenth Doctor, that man she had enjoyed the brief encounter with down by the river.

"Hello again!" he said in surprise as his dark eyes widened and he flashed her a smile, "It's good to see you...but _why_?"

She smiled back at him.

"The Doctor wants another memory. You and me. But no _actual_ sex, just more of the same..._like before._.." Clara's face flushed as she continued, "He's treated me with a spray...down there. I can enjoy it but I won't come. He's going to make me do that later. We've got four hours."

Excitement sparkled in his eyes.

"I was going to say that was generous of him but he's not that generous...not if I have to give you back before the best part...Oh well, come in, _please_, do come in, Clara!"

And he opened the door wider and she stepped inside.

* * *

_They wasted no time._

The Doctor took her by the hand and led her through the console room and down a corridor, opened up a door and gave a playful tug on her hand as they went into his bedroom.

"I am _so_ glad you came back!" he told her, letting go of her hand as they stood beside his wide, comfortable bed.

"I'm glad to be here too," she admitted, "You're hard to forget."

He smiled again, and that smile melted her heart. She wondered if it ought to send alarm bells ringing...three being a crowd and all that, but she was aching for him and the Doctor had wanted this and she loved him and wanted him to have a wonderful memory – and if she tried not to think about it too much, perhaps she would forget how much she liked this young man with the warm smile, his Tenth incarnation who she desired far more greatly than she cared to admit...

Clara tugged down her zip and her skirt slipped to the floor.

As the Tenth Doctor took in the sight of her naked from the waist down his eyes darkened with desire as he read the words written in her make up pencil above her shaven sex.

"Oh yes I certainly will enjoy this," he murmured, and then he was on her, she fell back to a soft mattress and shifted up the bed as he joined her on it, there between her parted legs, pausing to slide his thumbs into the folds of her sex and spread them wide.

"I _love _the taste of you," he murmured, and his breath was hot against her as she lay there open and exposed and she gave a whimper of longing.

He put her out of her misery at once, clamping his mouth on her, sucking until it became a blur of pleasure and pain and then as she gave a moan he let go, kissed her there and began to tease her in a way that felt like butterfly wings dancing over her exposed sex, it was exquisite, it was beautiful, and it was relentless...

* * *

The gentle caressing went on and on, broken only by fierce sucking that made her buck her hips and cry out as she longed for the climax that was out of her reach. He lapped at her, kissed her there, all over, a dozen kisses finishing on the tip of her swollen clitoris, then he used his mouth on her again, starting over with a painful, strong suck that seemed to send all the blood in her body rushing to her sex.

"Are there any rules against you touching me?" he whispered breathlessly, the words murmured against her swollen sensitive flesh.

She thrust upwards and gasped a reply.

"No..."

He grabbed her hand, shoving it on to his impatiently freed erection.

"_Do it, " _he told her, closing his eyes,_ "Do it, I need it...Can't hold it back..."_

Her hand trembled as she worked on his hardness, he was gasping with every movement and as she took him to the edge she cried out as she reached a moment of almost-climax that was snatched away.

He was rubbing her now, as she stimulated him, he was rubbing her where she was red and swollen and she knew she would ache from all of this later but she didn't care, because he was coming, he came hot and fast and gave a sharp cry, pumping quickly over her hand. Then he collapsed beside her as he closed his eyes and perspiration ran down his face. His dark brown hair was damp and his face was flushed and the climax had temporarily sapped his strength.

"_Give me a minute..Just one minute."_ he said breathlessly, and then he turned over and kissed her, and that kiss was deep and filled with passion.

He recovered quickly, and after fifteen minutes, he was back on her once more, sucking and licking and kissing her tenderly and then sucking again. His face was smeared with her wetness and his hair was damp with it, mixed with sweat and the scent of her, and she lay there on her back gasping for release that was forbidden to be granted, she closed her eyes and in her mind, the Tenth Doctor was taking her up a flight of stairs with every kiss, every caress, every bit of attention his mouth could offer, they were at the top, almost the top stair, but that was as far as she could go because the spray was denying the release she craved.

She gave a whimper as he lapped at her softly, then he sucked again and she felt a throbbing ache. He kissed her smooth flesh where the writing was badly smeared now and she shivered and ran her fingers through his messed up hair.

Then a soft sound cut through the air and she knew the Tardis was back and it was time to leave.

He knew it too, and as he got off the bed and straightened his clothing, then paused to run his fingers through his hair, she saw a flicker of regret in his eyes. She felt regret too – she didn't want to say goodbye, but that was something neither of them dared to discuss...

"I have to let you go now," he told her.

"I know," she said with a half smile, "And its been wonderful."

Clara sat up, then paused to look down between her legs – even if she shut them tightly, everything was still on show, she was red and vastly swollen up, and as she got off the bed, her clitoris gave a throb that was almost unbearable as it silently screamed for release. The spray was wearing off, the Doctor had timed his return perfectly...

* * *

The Tenth Doctor handed Clara her skirt, then as she stood up he zipped it up for her and turned her around to face him, and as she looked into his eyes she felt it again – a tug on her heart that she wished would vanish, but that feeling was there to stay and she had no choice in the matter.

"I hope we can meet again sometime. I mean it, I really do."

"Me too," she said, and then he took her in his arms and embraced her, and the embrace lingered, and as he realised it was lingering, he promptly let go of her and led her back towards the Tardis door.

"It's been unforgettable," he said as he opened the door for her.

She smiled.

"Yes, I know."

She stepped outside, saw her Doctor's Tardis a short distance away, and then she walked down the hillside, not daring to look back, to see him one more time, because if _her_ Doctor thought for one minute she had feelings for this man, he would be hurt, and she loved him, and intended to carry on loving him - even though he didn't seem to realise that he was toying with all that was precious by sharing her, even though that other man happened to be a younger version of himself...

* * *

"_Did you enjoy yourself? You seemed to be enjoying it. I had a wonderful time, Clara. All these new memories of me, down on you in another lifetime, taking you to the edge over and over again. Come over to the console and remove your skirt."_

As he spoke, the Doctor took off his dark jacket with the crimson lining and draped it over a rail neatly, as Clara joined him at the console he smiled, then he looked between her legs at her her reddened, swollen sex.

"Look at you," he said softly, "You couldn't hide _that_ if you tried...You'll be swollen for days! Face the console and spread your legs, Clara."

She obeyed him, as she spread her legs feeling flooded her sex and she gave a whimper.

"I'm _so_ close!" she gasped.

"I know you are," he said kindly, standing behind her as he silently slid off his belt and then folded it in half.

"Tell me, did you enjoy it _very_ much? Because it looked to me like you enjoyed it a little _too_ much."

And air of command had crept back into his voice.

Her legs trembled as she kept them spread, her swollen, vulnerable sex shamelessly displayed for his pleasure as she stood with her back to him, leaning on the console.

His hand brushed her down there, it was a warm, brief touch and she gave a gasp.

"Please!" she begged him, "I want it...please, let me..."  
"You've been enjoying yourself a little too much with him. " The Doctor's voice hardened.

"_Tell me you're a slut."_

"What?"

"A slut, you went with him and loved it, you loved it a bit _too_ much. Tell me what you are or I'll empty the whole contents of that spray between your legs and you won't come for days!"

She drew in a tight breath as her legs trembled.

"Please, rub me...touch me, I need -"

"What _ARE _you, Clara?"

The Doctor's voice echoed around the console room, she swore the vibration of it even passed through her aching clitoris as it throbbed, reddened and swollen, desperate for release.

"_I'm a slut,"_ she whispered.

"Well done," he said softly, and she felt his hand shift back between her legs.

Three three sharp blows he dealt to her sex with the folded belt made her cry out, and then as a fourth, brutal blow echoed around the room she screamed at first in pain and then with sheer relief as sweet climax throbbed through her body.

As her legs started to buckle he turned her around, kissed her bright red sex, and then as she started to slide to the floor he gathered her up in his arms and carried her out of the console room, along the corridor and to his bedroom.

Clara's eyes were glazed as he laid her on his bed, and her legs instinctively parted because they_ had _to, she was red and swollen and her thighs were gleaming with wetness that had run out of her. The climax had wiped her out, even made her weep.

He leaned over her and brushed a tear from her cheek and then kissed her, and then his tone became gentle once more.

"Was that good, Clara Oswald?"

"Yes," she whispered, "I want more."

"More of him?"

"_More of this."_

The Doctor smiled and all harshness melted from his gaze as he looked down at her with love and kindness in his blue eyes.

"You rest, my love," he whispered, "Sleep, and later on I'll take you somewhere special. I think you're ready to visit Orgasmia."

She looked up at him.

"What for?"

He was holding back some very tantalising secrets, but for now, he chose to keep them while she recovered. She was _definitely_ ready for more...

"_For wonderful things, my Clara,"_ he promised her, and then as she felt his kiss on her cheek, she slipped into a deep sleep, as her body recovered, her dreams were filled with deep and dark erotic visions – and as she dreamed them, she no longer felt surprised that all she saw was now strangely ever so _very_ beautiful...


	15. Chapter 15 : Addiction

**Author Note:**

**Sorry there's been a big pause between chapters, but I have been away writing my own books. I will be adding more chapters to this fic as and when I get ideas, thank you for the favourites, follows, and also, so much patience waiting for updates :-)**

**Also: This chapter contains some S&amp;M/ D/s phrases and speech between characters referring to dominance and submissiveness during intimacy.**

* * *

Chapter 15: Addiction

For once, it had been an ordinary day for Clara and the Doctor.

He had taken her to a planet that had, apparently, been the first ever earth colonised world to become a resort that had grown in its reputation for its vast shopping malls. They had gone to one of those malls, and Clara had bought some new clothes while the Doctor waited around for her looking bored, and then, when she went into a vast shoe shop, his bored expression had changed to one of despair.

"_I know about women and shoes. I'll be here so long I'll regenerate before you find what you're looking for!"_ he had grumbled, and she had laughed, but half an hour later, they had left the store, with Clara clutching a bag that contained a pair of very high, glossy red stiletto shoes with transparent heels that the Doctor had watched her try on - as she had asked him if he liked them, he had shifted on the seat where he had been waiting and lowered his voice and told her those shoes had a certain_ effect,_ and had glanced downwards as he smiled.

* * *

Now they were sat at a table in an open air cafe just outside the mall, it overlooked mountains in the distance, and that view was only marred by the high speed futuristic vehicles that rushed along at a blurring speed down the road nearby.

The Doctor had gone to fetch two coffees, and now they sat together in silence as he looked thoughtfully towards the mountains, admiring the way the sunlight seemed to sit on the rugged tips of the mountain tops illuminating the rock face with an alien glow.

_But Clara was lost in her own thoughts._

It was just a moment, one of those unguarded moments when a thought become words and before she knew it that thought had slipped out – and it was only when she saw the look in his eyes that she regretted ever bringing up the subject...

"Do you remember that time I asked you if you were addicted to danger?"

"What of it?" he asked, still looking at the glow on the landscape.

"Well..." she turned the coffee cup, still thinking about it, "Maybe I was wrong. I think it's_ this_."

She had lowered her voice.

He met her gaze with curiosity in his blue eyes.

"It's what?"

"This," she said, "You know, the kinks in our sex life. I think you're addicted to it."

And the look in his eyes instantly grew cold.

"_What?"_

"I was just saying, it's an addiction -"

"What of it?" he said defensively, looking hard at her as she caught the look in his eyes and realised too late she had accidentally sparked a disagreement.

"Well, is it?" she asked him.

Her remark had touched a nerve, a raw one that instantly reminded him of other lifetimes when his kinks had come to the fore – and also reminded him of many rejections he had suffered back then, from less than understanding partners...

"You say it like its a bad thing, like its a drug -"

"I didn't mean it like that. I was just saying -"

"_Well don't!"_

He saw a flicker of hurt and annoyance in her eyes because he had snapped at her.

"Let go of it, Clara," he said quietly, and he sipped his coffee.

"I didn't mean to upset you, I was just saying that your habits, your lifestyle – it's an addiction. You couldn't stop if you tried."

He set the cup down sharply and glared at her.

"So what am I, a _junkie_ for it?"

"If you like. You said it, not me. I was just trying to explain that you're hooked on it, that's all."

His stare seemed to cut right through her, but Clara was not about to apologise for making an observation even though he was clearly angered by her words.

"Don't be so sensitive," she said to him, "I was only making a remark -"

_"Why does it bother you so much all of a sudden? "_

His tone was accusing, and had come unexpectedly. And it was too late to pull back those words that had sparked all of this... Clara looked into his eyes. Suddenly she felt tense, because she knew what she was about to say would not be welcome – but if it was not said now, that swing of power towards him that belonged in the bedroom would leak into every other area of their lives... Domination and servitude never could sit still and stay in the bedroom, not when two people were as deeply attracted as they were, when the sparks between them flew so freely...

But all the same, as she spoke her throat felt tight.

"Don't," she said to him as she kept her voice low, "_Don't_ do this to me. I'll do anything for you, I'll crawl across the floor to give you head, I''ll be your love slave I'll live out your fantasies – _but it stays in the bedroom!_"

He looked down at the table and then he ran his fingers through his silver hair, then slowly met her gaze again, and the hostility had vanished from his gaze.

"Sorry about that," he told her, "But sometimes I wish we had a twenty four hour power exchange. I know that wouldn't be fair on you, there's a lot of things I long for, that I want to do to you but I never will. It's just me. It's the consequence of living for two thousand years. No one can live that long and remain vanilla minded, eventually the kinks and alternative desires creep in. They _have_ to. A long life means going around many corners and down lots of dark alleys, if you get what I mean. Anyone who thinks otherwise is extremely naive. "

And he looked at her and she looked back at him, and she nodded.

"Okay. I get that."

She paused for thought.

He was still looking at her.

"What are you trying to say?" he asked her, "That you think I'm leading you into something you're afraid you'll never be able to back out of? Would you _want_ to back out?"

There was no anger in his voice, he was just looking at her thoughtfully, but she felt a sudden jolt at the thought of letting go of all she had learned since he had let her into the darker side of his word.

"The thought of that scares me," she said in a hushed voice, "And maybe I should be worried about that, I don't know."

The Doctor leaned across the table and put his hand over hers.

"If you're feeling overwhelmed by it, we can slow down on it for a while. I have no problem with that. You need some time out from the kinks, you want us to concentrate on the relationship instead of the buzz, that's okay, I can do that."

The sense of loss she felt on hearing that made her feel confused, but she nodded in agreement, guessing that if it _was_ addictive, a break from it would do them both good, surely...

"That might be good for us," she agreed, and then she sipped her coffee and for a few moments, nothing more was said.

* * *

The silence was broken by the Doctor. He finished his coffee, glanced around the cafe and through the door that led inside to the mall, and then spoke up.

"I had to be careful what year we turned up here," he told her, "Until a few years back, they used to use naturally sourced underground gas to power their lighting. It led to a series of explosions."

"Good thing you were careful about your dates, then," Clara replied.

The Doctor looked deep in thought for a moment.

"I was just thinking," he added, "If one of those rising pockets of gas had exploded right under our table – under your chair, for example – you could have got some nasty injuries."

There was a far away, dreamy fantasising look in his eyes, and she felt annoyance rising to think, he had just agreed to leave the kinks alone, and now she _knew _where _this _was going...

The Doctor leaned his elbows on the table and lowered his voice as he spoke again:

"_I mean, if that happened you could have got injured badly...maybe it would have affected our sex life."_

She forced a smile as tension crept into her voice.

"You're right!" she exclaimed, "Maybe I'd never be able to have intercourse again – but of course that's _not_ the end of the world, not for an imaginative man like you. There's so many ways to make love, to reach orgasm – we would still have a good sex life."

"Not if you lost everything!" he replied.

Her expression grew frosty.

"Oh yes of _course_... you're thinking about me being unable to come! _Well never mind, there's always oral sex. I can spend the rest of my life sucking your cock without a single thought for my own pleasure!_"

He caught his breath.

"When you talk like that I'm in danger of breaking this table with my erection, you have no idea how hard -"

"_Stop it!"_ she said sharply.

He blinked.

"Stop what?"

She lowered her voice, mindful of other customers across the other side of the cafe.

_"Stop_ _masturbating!"_

He stared at her.

"In public? There's no way I'd do that – and my hands are on the table!"

"You're doing it with your _mind!_" she said sharply, "Shut up, leave it alone, you just said _no _more kinky stuff for a while!"

"Sorry," he said, "But its -"

"_An addiction?"_

He looked at her and said nothing. Clara's gaze was bordering on ice now, and he decided to drop the subject, at least for now...

* * *

When Clara finished her coffee, the Doctor suggested they go back to the Tardis.

On the way out of the mall and along the street that led to the place near woodland where he had left the police box, he talked about the planet and how beautiful it was - steering clear of all mention of sex and kinks.

The weather was warm and as they walked, he opened up his coat and the crimson lining caught shiny and bright in the sunlight, and then he unbuttoned his waistcoat and reached up and opened up some buttons on his white shirt.

"Are you too hot?" he asked her.

"I'll be okay, it's cooler in the Tardis, anyway."

"And now we're home," he remarked as they reached the blue police box, and he opened up the door and smiled as he gestured to her to go inside first.

Clara smiled back at him and went inside.

The Doctor went inside too, and then he closed the door heavily, so heavily the slam of the door reverberated around the whole of the ship.

* * *

As the door slammed shut, Clara set down the shopping bag that contained her new shoes and she turned sharply, there was a look in her big eyes like a startled deer caught in headlights and as the Doctor walked over to join her she saw anger smouldering in his eyes.

"What's wrong with you?" she demanded.

He stood close to her as she looked up at him, he reached out and ran his hand down a lock of her hair, and then he gave it a tug.

_"Ouch!"_ she said, and then she glared at him.

"Don't do that to me!"

"_I thought you liked it rough."_

She drew in a tense breath, stepped back and bumped into the edge of the console. He took another step forward, and now she was backed into a corner. Something sparkled in his eyes, it was a mix of playfulness and something else – and she was yet to understand what it was, but it whispered of sadism and as much as she wanted to tell him to stop, to let go of it, to drop the subject for now, she couldn't, because her mind was being led by her body as she ached between her legs and her thighs grew sticky and wet.

He was looking at her like a hungry wolf. She knew that look, and she could not turn away from it or deny her want for it because…

_She was addicted too, and she knew it was pointless to deny it._

"You said no more kinks for a while."

He smiled.

"_I lied."_

His hands were on her hips, sliding down the thin fabric of her skirt and then up her skirt, he was sliding off her underwear and her body was screaming for more.

"Doctor...don't. _Stop it!_ You said no more of this for a while..._ please_..."

He reached around and tugged at the zip on the back of her skirt and as he gave it another sharp tug and it slid to the floor he stepped closer, slipping his hand between her legs and making her catch her breath as he slid two fingers in and out of her.

"You lied too. You're aching for me!" What's this taste like, then? Is it the taste of _No thank you, sir?_"

She gave a muffled gasp as he touched his wet fingers to her lips and then slipped them inside, and she tasted her own wetness.

As he pressed against her she parted her legs, and couldn't stop herself from giving a moan of longing as he pinned her against the console with his body as he pulled down his zip and freed his erection.

"_Admit it. You want it."_

"You know I do but -" she gasped again as he took her roughly, sliding into her with a bruising, single thrust, making her catch her breath and suddenly he was slamming against her as he lifted her to the console and grabbed at her hips, with every thrust the jarring of it sent a shock wave of pleasure through her body, then he leaned down over her as he moved breathlessly, his lips close to her ear as he whispered to her as he grabbed a handful of her hair:

"_Who owns you?"_

He slammed into her again.

"_You!"_ she gasped.

The Doctor's breathing was heavy and she wrapped her legs around his waist, wanting more.

"_Who gives you what you need?"_

"You...you do..."

"_And who's your Daddy?"_

"What?" she gave a sharp cry as he buried himself inside her again and tightened his grip on her hair as he whispered to her breathlessly:

"_Your Daddy. Who... is ...your Daddy, your Master, your Boss - your fucking owner?"_

He pulled back for a moment, he was still inside her but he shifted back enough to slide a finger down to her swollen clitoris and rub firmly.

"_Answer me!"_

"_You are!" _she cried, and her voice was choked off as it slid into a cry of bliss, he felt her body jerk inside with the power of her climax, and he buried himself inside her one more time, then closed his eyes and breathed out with a sigh of deep satisfaction as he finally lost control.

* * *

After a few moments of deep kisses exchanged as they got their breath back, the Doctor let go of her and stepped back and tidied his clothing. Clara put on her skirt and he stood there watching as she zipped it up again.

"Still don't want to get kinky? Still think we should give the whole thing a break?"

She met his gaze.

Her face was flushed and her pupils were still dilated She had come so hard he was sure she would still be deliciously swollen by the time he took her to bed that night, and she would come again very easily, too...

"No," she told him, "I just don't want the dominant thing to spill over into our life outside of the bedroom."

The Doctor smiled and there was a playful look in his eyes.

"That's fine by me. I'll just have to make sure we spend even _more_ time in the bedroom."

And she smiled too, and he knew their disagreement was over, and it came as a huge relief.

She stepped closer to him, put her arms around him and kissed him fondly.

"I love you, Doctor," she said honestly, "You're the kinkiest man I've ever known, but I _do_ love you, and I wouldn't change you if I could. I love you as you are, and I know this is a part of you. I suppose that means I have to accept it if I want to be with you."

Their eyes met and the look exchanged was one of deepest love.

Then Clara let go of him, and turned to leave the console room.

"Oi," the Doctor said, and she looked back.

He indicated to the underwear she had left on the floor near the console.

"Pick up your knickers, Clara," he said, and as she retrieved them from the floor she caught his gaze again and he winked.

The look she gave him back was all warmth and fondness wrapped in a sweet layer of love.

"_Here,"_ she said, and stuffed them into the pocket of his jacket, _"I'm off for a shower. Have a sniff of these and when you get hard over it, come and get me."_

Then she left the console room.

The Doctor looked towards the corridor and watched as she walked away, and as he watched he made a decision: She was everything he had ever looked for in a woman, and one of these days, he would _definitely_ be marrying Clara Oswald...


	16. Chapter 16: The Doctor, Rewritten Part 1

**Author Note:**

**Here is yet anther instalment of Apologise – at long last!**

**I have been away writing novels. Thank you, lovely readers, for your patience. Sorry for the long long wait, I am now back in the wonderful world of fan fiction to play for a while before I go back to book writing!**

* * *

**This chapter is the first of a three chapter instalment that will see Clara having a change of heart about certain promises she has made, which in turn angers the Doctor and puts a strain on their relationship. Then, when disaster strikes unexpectedly, Clara is given the chance to do something she never thought possible : She is offered the opportunity to rewrite her lover's sexual tastes.**

**But will she really decide to try and put an end to his kinky and dominant needs?**

* * *

**And here is a *quick* reminder it _will _feature scenes of a sexual nature, intimate discussions, BDSM content and phrases and is _not_ for the vanilla minded or those who are easily shocked. Enjoy :-)**

* * *

Chapter 16 : The Doctor, Rewritten (Part One)

The planet looked like Earth, but unpolluted, unspoiled despite the buildings that dotted an otherwise flawless landscape that wouldn't have looked out of place in an oil painting hanging on the wall of the Tate.

And that was the _only _glimpse Clara had seen, because the Doctor had asked her to go with him to the bedroom and his kisses had been so hungry and desperate and his touch had set her on fire with the need for him, and now she was naked and on his bed and he was still clothes, his red-lined coat cast aside and his shirt partly open as she felt his breath hot on her shaven sex and he gently planted a kiss there, a kiss that made her ache painfully for another kiss, one that would see his tongue slip into her wetness.

_But it wasn't to be._  
"So, you really meant it, Clara?" he whispered to her, "You really meant what you said when you begged me to brand you? Because I'm ready to do it."  
And she froze as a single thought ran through her mind:  
_He means it. And I didn't, because I said it when I was coming...it was a fantasy..._

Her pause had taken too long, now it was too late to salvage this for anything other than it was – and he _knew_.

"Clara?"

He had straightened up, smoothed down his shirt and closed a couple of buttons, having mentally concluded that today they would _not_ be his kind of adventurous, because he saw apprehension in her eyes – and it was not the kind that usually accompanied the heights of sexual tension:

_It was doubt. _

He was looking at her, waiting for her to speak and deliver the answer he demanded. Clara felt guilty as she sat up on the bed and met with his gaze.

"I wanted this. I _thought_ I wanted this - but I didn't think it through."

"And now?" he asked.

It was hard to look him in the eye even though she knew she had nothing to apologise for, hadn't her first ever act of submission been about apology?

Shouldn't that have been enough, something that brought them together, sexually as well as emotionally, when she had crossed the invisible line and taken his erection in her mouth and then he had taken her in his arms?

"I've fantasised about it, I've come over it, I've begged you to talk to me about it for the thrill. For the _thrill_, Doctor!"

His pale gaze reflected hurt as he paused to put his jacket back on.

"I was under the impression that when you told me out of the bedroom that you wanted to do it, you meant it."

"I thought I did. Maybe I still do, maybe I'm just uncertain, maybe -"

He held up a hand to silence her.

"That was three _maybes_ in a row, Clara. Either you're not sure of what we share, or you're not sure of _me_. I'm not saying that to manipulate you, but you did say many times how much you wanted this. I swear I'm _not_ pulling at your heartstrings darling, but you seriously need to stop and think about us, because I'm not sure you're as committed as you think you are. You take some time to think about it and get back to me, yeah? Because I want to know where I stand. I don't want any more _maybes_."

And then he walked out of the bedroom leaving her there alone, and she wondered how a passionate moment could have fallen apart so quickly. Perhaps it was more than just the moment, too – the Doctor had often told her, a bondage relationship required deepest trust on both sides.

Maybe her change of heart over the branding had shaken his faith in her.

That was what went through Clara's mind as she got up and gathered up her clothing and started to get dressed, that thought lingered heavy on her mind – along with the awareness that she had used that word again, that word the Doctor was quickly growing to hate:

_Maybe..._

* * *

She took her time leaving the bedroom, walking slowly down the long, winding corridor of the Tardis to reach the console room. He was there, standing with his back to her, hands on the console as he leant against it, deeply in thought.

"Doctor?" Clara had spoken cautiously as she wondered where his thoughts lie, how far away from her he might be with them, and if he would forgive her. It made no sense to feel the need for forgiveness, but she knew about him and trust. He hated closeness to others, always doubting their motives – but she had broken through that barrier, she had stepped into his intimate world, and at his invitation – he had mentioned trust when he had looked at her with hurt in his eyes:

_Yes, he could be manipulative when he wanted to, he wasn't above lying, either. _

_But this wasn't about any of that. _

_This was about trust and he felt as if she had betrayed him by changing her mind._

_He didn't see it as a change of heart – to the Doctor, she had lied to him..._

He said nothing as his eyes met with hers, and it was awkward but she spoke up first, trying not to let her voice betray her upset as it dawned on her that she would never, ever fully understand how her alien lover saw others around him.

_Perhaps she wasn't meant to. _

_Perhaps it was because he was alien._

Maybe it was simply because he had lived many life times and she was a mere handful of years old in her one and only lifetime, and so trying match his wisdom and insight was impossible.

There it was again, _maybe._

Clara made a mental note that she _had _to stop using that word, because he associated indecision and uncertainty with lack of trust...

"It looks nice out there," she said, gesturing to the view of the planet from the Tardis screen, "Shall we go?"

He forced a smile that soon faded.

"Why not, I'd like to take some fresh air. Could you wear the red stilettos I bought you, please?"

Finally she saw a hint of playfulness in his eyes, and that sight made her smile.

"Why not?" she said warmly, "I love seeing the look on your face when I'm in heels."

* * *

A short while later the shiny red shoes that matched the crimson lining of her lover's jacket were a splash of colour that stood out beautifully against the landscape in shades of green and brown as they followed a path that led to a road that in turn led towards a town full of bright, clean buildings that rose skyward.

The Doctor had noticed the way the colour stood out too, but his thoughts were more on the way the high, transparent spiked heels sent a shiver of excitement through him, a shiver that_ definitely_ aroused him as he watched her delicate steps in shoes that made her legs seem long and endless, going all the way up to a short dark skirt, and underneath it he knew she had left off her underwear, just to make him smile if he felt like sliding his hand up her thigh.

_And he wanted to._

He wanted to do it right now, slide his hand warm up her thigh and dip in a finger to feel the expected wetness that demonstrated her need for him – but he held back from it, still thinking on the way she had changed her mind about something she had so insisted she wanted.

_This wasn't even about the sex._

_It wasn't about getting high on a fetish for control._

_It was about wondering exactly how much she meant as true when she made him a promise..._

As they reached the urban area where the town opened up divided by a wide road, he took hold of her hand and led her towards the entrance to the tunnel that led to the other side of the road.

"This way," he said to her, "I'm taking you to a rather special place where I can _really_ appreciate those shoes."

* * *

As they went down the steps and into the dimly lit walkway where at the other end, daylight shone in a welcoming and reassuring way, Clara kept one hand on the rail and the other in the Doctor's grip as she negotiated the steps in the high, transparent heels. She knew she could take them off if she wanted to, because they still had a fair way to walk and he would understand if she had done that, but she decided to keep them on purely for his enjoyment, because seeing such hurt in his eyes back at the Tardis had been enough to remind her how he felt about broken promises.

"Whats so special about this place you want me to see, then?" she asked him, and her voice carried an echo along with the click of her seductive heels as they walked together towards the end of the tunnel.

"This is the planet of Sapphire Lantern – the population are humanoid and are known for their gentleness and also their appreciation of voyeurism."

And he glanced at her.

…_.And I'm going to have an audience when he have sex..._

The thought had hit her and she knew she was giving him that _I-don't-want-to _look again.

They stopped walking and the Doctor gave a sigh.

"We don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with."

Then he paused, looking at her as he considered her doubts and now, seeing more doubt in her eyes made him recall another event, and he struggled to contain a flash of jealousy.

"I blame myself for this, for making you think about other options."

Confusion clouded her eyes.

"What do you mean?"

The Doctor knew exactly what he was referring to – and he also knew it made no sense to feel anger and think of the man as a rival, but he did – she had enjoyed her time with his Tenth self a little too much, and knowing that, knowing in him she had a vanilla life to compare to that she enjoyed far more than he had hoped, worried him as well as stirring up the green eyed monster.

"I mean, Clara, I wish I'd never encouraged you to go with him – my other self. The guy with the good looks and the youth and a _great_ deal of passion for the missionary position."

She gave a weary sigh and suddenly it didn't seem so unreasonable to let her temper out a little. He wasn't hurt by her words now, he was wallowing in self pity...

"You asked me to sleep with him!"

Anger spiked in his eyes, turning them to ice, and then the moment was gone.

"Oh, the times I've had _that_ thrown in my face, you're not the first to say it, Clara!"

That didn't surprise her, not when she knew of all his kinks like she did.

"I'm sure who ever she was, she had a _great_ deal of love and tolerance," she said bitterly, "Because sometimes it _really _requires a lot of it to put up with you!"

And then she turned away and began to walk alone to the other end of the tunnel, heading for steps that held back to daylight.

* * *

"Clara, don't be like that – wait for me," his voice echoed from back in the tunnel, but she carried on walking, faster than she intended to walk, even though these shoes were clearly made with the bedroom in mind and _not_ for use in an urban landscape. Those shoes were hurting her feet by the time she hit daylight again at the top of the stairway.

Here the street was busier, people went about their daily business in plain clothing of plain colours, all seemed modestly and conservatively dressed too, which surprised her, considering the Doctor had said this was a planet of voyeurs.

"What now?" she asked as she heard him reach the top of the stairs.

As she met his gaze she saw a look in his eyes that confirmed she had definitely hurt his feelings now, but he was determined to carry on with his plan.

"We are headed over there," he said to her, indicating to a tall, white building that towered skyward, "It is one of many centres that are designed for those who appreciate the art of watching – I've chosen us a room with no visible peep hole, I thought you might appreciate that."

"You mean they can see us but we can't see them?"

He smiled, and suddenly all trace of hurt was gone as he thought about all he was looking forward to.

"Yes Clara, I've booked a reflective room – the walls ceiling and floor look like mirrored glass to us, but its two way. You won't see anyone spying, but they will be on the other side, in the watching areas."

At least he had considered the fact that she might not want to see the others who watched, and knowing that brought a slight smile to her face along with a softened look in her eyes as she wished she could take back the harsh tone of voice she had used in the tunnel – he liked to be dominant, but he loved her so much, and that love was so easily bruised.

Clara nodded.

"Sounds like fun," she said, but didn't sound like she meant it, and for that she could have kicked herself, as he fell silent and continued to worry as they headed towards the sleek white building dedicated to the fetish of watching others.

* * *

On entering the building the Doctor paid for the room and then the woman on the desk handed him an access card with a number on it, he thanked her and they headed for the lift.

It had seemed so ordinary, like checking into a hotel.

Once in the lift he keyed in the number for the eighth floor and the lift began to climb.

"I'm looking forward to this," she reminded him, "Tell me what you want me to do."

Playfulness sparkled in his light blue eyes.

"I'll tell you when we get there," he replied, and then he fell silent and the smile faded from his face as once again the Doctor was deep in thought, considering all that had not gone to plan thanks to Clara's change of heart.

When the lift doors opened, he led her across a carpeted hallway and over to a door.

"After you," he said politely, and swiped the card.

The door opened on to a large room that was covered entirely with mirrored glass. The sight of it made Clara smile - their images reflected about the room, and the mirrors gave no hint of the watchers who sat behind, above or below it...

The Doctor closed the door and then he set his gaze intently on her as she stood there in the middle of the room, he was admiring the sight of her standing there in a short skirt and high heels, and clearly, thanks to the mirror beneath her, no knickers...

"Fold your skirt up to your hips and walk slowly towards me," he said softly.

Her feet were aching in the shoes as she took steps that felt too high, but as she walked across the mirrored floor, as his gaze locked with the sight of her naked from the waist down, his hand shifted to his zip and he tugged it downwards, freeing his erection.

"On your knees," he demanded impatiently, and the glass floor felt cool and smooth as she obeyed him, taking him in her mouth and then slowly and deliberately taking her time, her lips sliding up and down his hardness as she sucked him and he gave a sigh of bliss.

"Open them wider," he whispered as he looked down at her, and she parted her legs, giving a clear view of her shaven sex to those out of sight on the floor below. She could picture them all looking up, watching her, masturbating at the sight of her exposed while he stood there getting sucked off, and she knew it was doing far more for the Doctor than it was for her.

Then he trembled and placed his hands on her shoulders, thrusting into her mouth harder as she sucked and he caught his breath, and that helpless sound of him being lost in a moment of bliss gave her the kind of head rush she could only liken to a climax of her own as she thought about how her submissive role had such power over the great Timelord – it was enough to make him tremble, to lose control, just as he was doing at that moment...

As he came hard she sucked and swallowed, and then he pulled away from her and tidied his clothing.

"That was good," he said, and his face was still flushed as he offered her his hand. She took it and got up from the floor, then paused to unfold her skirt to cover herself.

"Thank you Clara," he said softly, and he leant closer and kissed her, and was not at all put off by the fact her mouth still tasted of his own come.

As they walked back to the doorway she looked downwards, wondering how many had watched everything, and how many had come over what they had seen. Then she followed the Doctor out of the room and he closed the door behind them.

* * *

"I think we should talk about our plans when we get back to the Tardis," he said to her as the lift began to descend.

"Talk about _what_, exactly?" Clara asked him, but she caught the look in his eyes and then she knew – their little play in the voyeuristic room had done nothing to settle his mind after how she had voiced her sudden doubts over the branding.

"We need to talk because I'm not sure we both want the same thing and I don't want to lose you over this."

Her eyes widened.

"You won't lose me."

"_But maybe its already falling apart."_

The lift doors opened and she followed him out.

"Doctor, we are _not_ falling apart, I just changed my mind about -"

"The branding? What's next, changing your mind about _me_? I'm starting to wonder Clara, because if you can't commit to a sexual agreement, what about the rest of our commitment? Maybe you're not in this for the long term, Oh look, I just used your word that kills everything – I said _maybe_."

Clara glared at him.

She had wanted to say sorry, and to explain that she had made a mistake by agreeing to something she had not given enough thought to – but he had angered her all over again.

"Why can't you just leave it alone for a while?" she fumed, "Why can't you just be _normal _for a little while, be nice and loving and – never mind, forget it. I'm going back to the Tardis."

"Clara don't be like that! I've always said we need to talk about everything, and I thought we did, I thought it was what you wanted -"

"Not now," she said sharply, "I can't do this right now. Give me some bloody space!"

And she saw hurt in his eyes, but she turned away and began to walk out of the building.

On the way she thought she caught a trace of something in the air, and it was only when she had left the building and stepped into the fresh air that she realised she knew that smell from somewhere:

_It was gas._

_There was a leak somewhere and the Doctor -_

She looked back at the building, just as a boom shook the ground and blew out a wall and as the force of it threw her off her feet, before she hit the pavement knocked out cold, her last thought was for her lover. The Doctor had been a distance behind her.

_The Doctor was still in the building..._

**This three part story will be concluded in chapters 17 and 18.**

**And I'm not going off to write a book any time soon. There will be no long delays updating :-)**


	17. Chapter 17:The Doctor, Rewritten Part 2

**The Doctor, Rewritten - Part Two ( of Three).**

Chapter 17

It had been an accident.

No one to blame, no one at fault, a sudden crack in a line that carried underground gas below the city and out to the suburbs:

_It was so random._

_It was not something she had ever expected to happen, not to the Doctor – a random, awful accident that was not connected to any of his enemies. _

_Nothing to do with the Cybermen or the Daleks._

_Not Missy either._

_No, this was so random and so ordinary she felt caught between laughing and crying._

_It was just so...boring. Unremarkable, something that could have happened to anyone._

It was also a stupid accident that no one could be blamed for, and thankfully the wall blown out of the side of a building miraculously had not caused its collapse, and by the time she was conscious and feeling sick and dizzy from the blast, Clara found she was able to stand as as the emergency services arrived, she had seen the Doctor carried out the through the doors, and he was covered with dust from the shattered building, the only splash of colour visible about him at all was a trickle of blood that ran from his temple.

She had dashed over to him as he was being placed in the back of the ambulance, and she had lost count of how many people she had pushed past or leant on to stay on her feet as the unsteadiness remained, but some how she had found the words to explain that she was with him, and then she had got into the back of the ambulance too, and the Doctor had been rushed, along with several others who had been injured, to the local hospital.

* * *

Now night was falling and Clara was left alone in a waiting area.

In the time she had remained there, all manner of odd thoughts had gone through her mind:

_It was kind of selfish of him to have let this happen._

Now she was stranded, although she was pretty sure she could fly the Tardis if she really needed to.

She was also sure he had given her the impression that he was sure he knew everything – perhaps he did but had forgotten this part. That would explain why they had come here in the first place, and why she had almost been caught up in a terrible explosion.

Oh God, the Doctor _had_ been caught up in it...

That feeling of shock washed over her again as she sat there alone and looked down the corridor, where a medic spoke to a relative of another of the victims of the accident and the woman started sobbing as another person came over, embraced the weeping woman and then led her away.

_This wasn't looking good._

A thought that made no sense ran through her mind:

_He's really ruined the day._

_This was supposed to be fun..._

In the midst of these thoughts she felt as if those thoughts were only there to keep her from dwelling on the truth. And then she got why she was thinking like that – her awful thoughts were just a distraction, to hide the reality behind it...

That reality was too frightening to think about:

_The Doctor had a head injury._

_The surgeon had said it would be difficult to repair, even with their clever technology. She had been told there were no guarantees that he would ever wake up again._

_And her last memory of speaking with him had been a quarrel, then she had walked away and left him..._

Clara wished she could go back and change that moment, to forget the quarrel just to she could throw her arms around him and hold him tightly as she told him over and over that nothing mattered but the fact that she loved him. It really was too much to think about and regret – it felt so painfully sharp it threatened to drive a spike through her beating heart, all the way through until it could beat no more.

The pain was unbearable and so she couldn't think about it, she couldn't think about their last moments together, when she had snapped at him and walked away, knowing his last memory of her was filled with hurt and anger...

She _couldn't_ think about it.

So instead she looked at the blank wall opposite where she was seated, wishing she could have a wall like that in her mind to block out the pain and the memories and the sadness.

Clara was determined not to cry, and it was mainly out of a need for self preservation:

_If she started, she was afraid she would never stop..._

* * *

When she was finally approached by a nurse, Clara stood up but her legs felt numb. In fact all of her felt numb, and she guessed she was in shock and she wondered why no one around her had noticed. But as long as this shock stopped her from feeling, maybe she would be safe from the pain buried in her heart...

As the nurse approached her, she tried to read her expression but it was impossible. Everyone around her was so serene and calm and it was only when victims of the accident died, did any of the relatives show what she would call a normal reaction – were these people all on chill pills, because she could use some right now...

Clara knew she was shaking, but it wasn't a visible kind of shake, more like her body had turned to a mass of jelly, as if the explosion had blasted away her bones and left her hollow as shell.

This _had _to be shock.

But at least the emotional pain was still under control...

She listened as the woman explained to her that the Doctor had been treated with medication to stop an internal bleed. Then she said he was going to be fitted with an external, non permanent cybernetic device to speed up healing.

"He's going to be okay?" Clara asked.

The nurse hesitated,"He is in a coma. We can only hope the medication and the device combined will be enough to bring him back. But for now, he _is_ stable."

Clara still felt as if the ground was shaking under her feet. She was standing there with her shoes off because the heels were too high and she couldn't balance in them whilst shaking this badly, it felt as if a constant underground tremor was shaking the planet and everything upon it.

"I think I'm in shock," she said quietly.

The nurse looked at her thoughtfully.

"Emotional trauma is something we prefer to leave alone. It will subside eventually. Come with me, I need to ask you some questions about your partner."

Clara's eyes widened as she looked back at her, pale and trembling.

"I said, I'm in _shock_..."

"Our culture doesn't worry too much about that," she replied, "If it can't be seen, it can't be harmful, can it?"

And then she gestured to her to follow, and led her up the corridor towards a closed door as Clara followed carrying her shoes in her hand, wondering if these people were as sane as they seemed – they didn't believe in or take seriously any ailment that couldn't be physically seen? As soon as the Doctor was stronger, she was taking him with her and they were leaving – she wanted them both off this planet, because it was filled with people with very strange ideas indeed...

Clara sat in the office for a long time, by a window on a comfortable couch while she answered the questions asked by the nurse.

In the distance, through the glass, the wrecked building could be seen in the distance, and the nurse didn't even think to apologise for the view or pull down the shades to spare her a vivid reminder.

"We need to program the implant to help stimulate his memory because it has suffered damage due to the head injury," the nurse told her, "And there is a chance he may not recall you if or when he wakes without this programming. So tell me about him, describe him to me."

And Clara thought back, recalling the man she had first met when he had regenerated. She talked about the Doctor for more than an hour as the nurse made notes, and as she talked she realised recalling happier times had helped to ease her shaking.

But still the numbness and the strange distance from herself was there, as if she was elsewhere, watching this unfold. It all seemed so unreal and no matter how much she tried to think of her own solid bones, she could not feel them, it still seemed as if the explosion had left her mind and body a quivering lump of jelly.

Then the nurse spoke again, and the question she asked her pulled her out of the out of body feeling and for a moment, she had a brief time of clarity, of togetherness as her shocked mind managed to focus on the question:

_What was he like as a lover?_

As Clara looked at her, she still felt numb, still felt foggy and knew she was in no fit state to be doing this, but the people of this planet did not believe in illnesses of the mind, nor did they believe in states such as emotional shock. So she thought about the question and answered without thinking too greatly about it, grabbing only at the cause of their quarrel and how she wished they would never have another like it again.

"_He's very romantic,"_ she said quietly, _"Very ordinary, very vanilla. Not kinky or demanding or anything like that – he's just a sweet, loving man with a_ _romantic nature."_

The nurse finished making her notes and thanked her, then she said she could wait there, and she left the room.

As Clara heard the door close and in the distance beyond the window the shattered building came down by a controlled explosion that left a cloud of dust billowing skyward, something clicked into place in her mind and she blinked:  
_If this was what coming to one's senses felt like, surely she had just reached her sense again – and a fraction too late._

_She had just described the Doctor as she wished him to be, not as he really was. And now that implant would be programmed to rewrite his personality – fitting her ideal._

_She had done a terrible thing._

_She had no right to change who he was..._

That statement had been made through the haze of shock and emotional pain, a result of the aftermath f the accident – a wishful thought as she regretted the quarrel they had before the explosion.

_It was too late now._

_She couldn't go and find that nurse and tell her she had lied..._

So Clara sat alone in the office, feeling sick and cold and shaky as she blinked away tears and regretted the lies she had just told. There was no excuse for it. She couldn't even blame their attitude towards her shock:

_She had rewritten the Doctor's sexual preferences, she had done it to make life perfect._

_Who was she kidding?_

_Life was never perfect, and no amount of reprogramming could change their lives from dark and dirty and paint them a paradise..._

* * *

It was several hours before anyone bothered to come and find her, and when they did, it was another nurse, who had just come on shift as evening shadows were set on the run by approaching night that turned down the view outside the window into a world of shadow. She told her she could see the Doctor, and then she led her out of the room and down a corridor, stopped outside a door, told her he would hopefully be waking soon, and then she opened the door, Clara went inside and the nurse closed the door behind her and walked off, leaving Clara alone in a white room with a window that overlooked the hills, and a bed where the Doctor was resting, looking pale beneath pale sheets.

She walked quietly over to the bed and then sat down on a chair and paused to take off her high heeled shoes. The fact that she had been able to walk down the corridor in them gave her hope that she was getting over the shock now – she was certainly thinking straight and the shaking was easing off, but she couldn't kill the deep feeling of guilt she carried as she thought of how she had got the medics treating him to program the implant with a pack of lies...

She knew she wouldn't have done it, if not for the shock.

And now that shock was leaving her, she almost wished it would come back, because numbness was far better than crushing sensations of awful guilt...

She looked to the Doctor and then took hold of his hand.

"I'm sorry," she whispered as he slept, "I didn't know what was going to happen. I didn't mean to quarrel with you...I've never meant any hurtful thing I've ever said to you, I love you -"

He gave a heavy sigh and stirred.

Her heart skipped a beat as she tightened her grip on his hand and he gave her hand a brief squeeze. He was waking up, the coma was over, that was a good thing, she wasn't losing him...Her thoughts were racing again as she watched him anxiously.

The only sign of injury she could see was a deep bruise on his temple, and in the middle of that bruise, a small metallic device had been set – the cybernetic device that had been programmed with her description on his memories, her description of how she had wished him to be as she had sat there in shock and not thinking straight...

_Now she felt as if the guilt might crush her._

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, and then those thoughts were dashed aside and replaced by relief as he opened his blue eyes, blinked and looked at her for a moment, waiting for the world to come back into focus. The Doctor just looked at her for a moment, confusion clouding his eyes as he wondered why, when he looked at Clara, he saw romantic scenes of him making love to her in their bed, him breathlessly telling her he loved her...him holding her hand over a candle lit dinner...it felt..._inaccurate_?

"I want you to do something for me," he said weakly as a pain throbbed in his temple, "Do it now, Clara -"

Her eyes widened.

"You...you're still you?" she asked him.

She seemed so confused, and so was he, but he smiled as he looked at her.

"Well I haven't regenerated! Just do it now, I'm not asking, I'm _telling_ you -"

"I am _not_ doing that!" she whispered as she glanced to the closed door than back at her lover "You've just woken up after being caught in an explosion, I refuse to carry out a sexual act on you while you're in this hospital!"

He was still confused.

"What? I was going to ask you to please get me out of here. The Tardis remote is in my jacket pocket. Call it here, as soon as I'm able to stand, I'm getting out of here."

She breathed a relieved sigh.

"Of course I will," she said to him, "I'll recall the Tardis, but you're not going anywhere yet, you need to rest." And she got up and went over to a wardrobe, pulled out his dust covered jacket and found the Tardis remote control.

* * *

The Doctor stayed in bed for two days.

He got stronger quickly, although he spent most of that time sleeping. When he was awake, his mood began to lighten and when he looked at her, she saw him do so in a different way, deep and warm was his gaze but the only thing that darkened it was deepest love and desire for her. She saw no trace of his former urges, nor did he mention anything to indicate that he could recall them.

Clara still felt guilty, and she knew to blame her lies on shock at the time of the explosion would never be enough, not if the Doctor ever recalled the truth – but for now, it seemed the implant had worked. He was recovered, and that recovery had been rapid. He was due to have the implant removed when he told her he was leaving, and she didn't argue about it with him – the Doctor wanted to go, he needed to be back in his Tardis and far from the place where the explosion had happened. He just wanted normality again, although he didn't recall what that _really_ meant any more...

The Doctor changed into another dark suit she had brought from the Tardis, and then she had taken his dust covered suit back inside, leaving it to be cleaned later. He insisted on getting dressed on his own, and it was not out of a need for control or to show her he was boss – he simply wanted to prove he was capable of getting out of bed and getting dressed again without help.

And then, after ignoring her suggestion he ought to let the medical staff know of his departure, she followed him into the Tardis, he pulled a lever, and with a gentle whoosh the ship was out of that room and far from that planet, revolving gracefully as it slipped through space and time.

* * *

And as he flew the Tardis, Clara watched him, feeling apprehensive:

_The implant had worked. He carried no trace of his former dominant or sadist urges..._

"I'm going to get some sleep," he said to her, and as their eyes met as she stood beside him, he smiled lovingly as he ran his hand down her hip.

"I want you to come to bed with me. I want to take you in my arms and hold you and tell you how much I love you. Maybe I'll even make love to you too, if I'm feeling strong enough... I _think_ I am..."

He paused.

"Where did_ that _come from?"

"What?" she asked in a hushed voice as she saw a glimmer of doubt in his pale eyes.

"That word.._maybe_...why do I dislike that word so much?"

She forced a smile as her heart hammered in her chest.

"I don't know," she replied, taking a step closer and wrapping her arms around him.

As she kissed him, he welcomed her embrace and clung to her as they shared a tender kiss. Then as his hand slid between her legs she caught her breath, closing her eyes as his fingertips stroked her shaven sex.

"_Very erotic, so exposed and wet and warm,"_ he whispered in her ear, _"Oh, I don't think I could ever tire of making love to you, my beautiful darling."_

And she looked into his eyes and saw only love shining there, and while his twin hearts beat with passion and he took her by the hand and led her out of the console room and in the direction of the bedroom, Clara's heart was also pounding, but for a very different reason – a thought had just struck her that scared her half to death:

_What if he suddenly remembered the truth, and realised what she had done?_

_He would never forgive her._

_It would be the end of them..._


	18. Chapter 18: The Doctor, Rewritten Part 3

Chapter 18 : The Doctor, Rewritten, Part 3 of 3.

It seemed unreal, but it was a welcome break from all those times the Doctor had demonstrated romance and then unceremoniously cast it aside in favour of giving in to his darkest desires.

That was the thought that went through Clara's mind as she rolled in cool sheets, her body warm against his as he claimed her mouth for another kiss and thrust firmly inside her.

He trembled and whispered her name and then as the orgasm took him over he closed his eyes and gave a soft sigh, passion taking away all other urge to speak or cry out. It was simply beautiful, and he was so gentle, and wanted nothing more than to use his body to demonstrate his love and devotion to her:

_The Doctor had changed._

_And Clara liked it, this was the soft side of him she had seen so little of, the lover who wanted no more than to love her and be loved in return._

_No kinks, no pain, no dark desires._

_And as real as it seemed, it was only thanks to the small device attached to his temple that had been programmed with her lies._

_It was all lies._

_Did that make their love a lie now?_

_If he ever found out..._

_She shoved that thought aside. She had to for the sake of her sanity._

_If he ever found out, she would lose him, because what she had done was unforgivable..._

As he let go of her he rolled on to his back as sweat ran down his chest and he breathed a deep sigh of satisfaction, then as she turned on her side he looked into her eyes and smiled.

"I love you, Clara," he said softly.

"I love you too."

She caught a flicker of confusion in his eyes.

"So why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?" she asked.

"Like you're deciding between sharing my bed or jumping out of it and running away! What's wrong, Clara?"

She covered her lies with yet another and felt buried by the weight of her own deceit.

"I was just wondering about that implant – you didn't wait around long enough for them to take it out. How long do you plan on leaving it there?"

He reached up and touched the small silver device fixed to his temple.

"I'm already healed – I got the Tardis to scan me to confirm it. This thing stopped working about eight hours ago. Removing it isn't a problem."

"You can remove it yourself?"

She still looked worried. The Doctor laughed softly, surprised to see such concern in her eyes.

"To you, this," he indicated to the implant, "might seem like very clever technology. Where I come from its moderately clever but not at all complicated to remove."

She breathed a relieved sigh.

"That's good to know," she replied, silently hoping that removing the thing wouldn't cancel out all the false memories she was responsible for sliding into his head. But the Doctor had said, it had already stopped working – and so far, so good – he didn't realise what she had done.

_No._

_That was a terrible thought..._

She was heavy with guilt and wished that she could just find the courage needed to admit what she had done – but the fear of losing him was too great. Had she been back there now, without the shock making her brain feel fogged as if she were in a horrible half-dream, she never would have deliberately altered his mind like that, she never would have cancelled out his dark and dominant urges.

Maybe she couldn't blame the shock at all.

No, she was sure of it now – she _had_ acted out of selfishness, wanting no more quarrels, wanting to control him – he was right, the Doctor had been right all the long, she _was_ a control freak...

"Doctor..."

Her voice trembled as she met his gaze with wide eyes, and the Doctor looked intently at her, noticing her huge eyes had just got even bigger, his darling human, with the wide face and the voice that made his twin hearts skip a beat...

"Clara, what is it?"

He looked and sounded concerned.

Clara pictured it in her mind, how that concern would soon switch to raging fury when she admitted what she had done...

"Nothing," she said quickly, instantly hating herself for backing down like that, "I was just thinking...I could have lost you. I never want to lose you."

He saw such emotion shining in her eyes that he reached for her and pulled her close, embracing her as he spoke reassuringly.

"Oh Clara! Clara, Clara my love, _stop_ it! You'll never lose me. I love you, and I always will. You belong with me, in my arms and nothing could ever change that."

She breathed out and the action seemed to cause all tension to leave her body so fast, as he held her she felt instantly relaxed.

He was stroking her hair now.

"Go to sleep, my darling," he whispered softly, "Rest in my arms."

And he watched her as she lay in his embrace, her eyes closing and her breathing becoming slow and even.

"That's right Clara," the Doctor said quietly, "You sleep, dream on..." And then he looked away from her sleeping face and into the the darkness that surrounded them now the Tardis had dimmed the lights.

"_Keep dreaming,"_ he said, and suddenly his voice didn't sound _quite_ so loving any more...

* * *

Clara woke up wondering what the time was – obviously, it was at least eight hours after they had rested together, because the lights were on brightly now, the Tardis way of signalling the hours of sleep time were over even though they were still in space and drifting through eternal night.

She went through to the bathroom, showered, then dried herself and gave her hair a blast with the hair dryer, got dressed, brushed her hair and put on some make up.

She took her time, because they were in no rush to go anywhere.

As she took a final look into the mirror to be sure her make up was perfect, she brushed a stray lock of hair off her face and smiled.

Then that smile swiftly faded as she felt sad.

It was sadness at a loss, a loss that only she could ever truly feel.

She was missing the dark side of him, the dominant man who mixed pleasure and pain in a tantalising blend – had she really given it any thought all when she had grabbed the opportunity to wipe out his kinks?

She was starting to regret it now, more than she had before. No matter how tender he was, how loving and romantic, she had already tasted the forbidden fruit of the depths of his control and dominance, of his sadism – and it was like a drug and it was starting to dawn on her she would never have access to that drug again, and would spend forever missing the dark delights she had sampled, the memory was there and she could not _un see_, _un feel,_ and could _never_ forget.

_It had happened._

And she would spend the rest of her life having moments like this, regretting the choice she had made to wipe those memories from him.

_She had no right to have done it in the first place._

It was terrible, she had done a terrible thing to rewrite her lover's mind, without his consent.

Thinking about it like that, it felt monstrous. It felt so utterly unforgivable that she had to look away from the mirror to avoid looking into her own eyes...

* * *

As she walked down the Tardis corridor she tried to pull her thoughts together, but it was becoming more and more difficult, as the urge to confess and beg his forgiveness seemed equally impossible.

_"I'm so sorry, Doctor,"_ she whispered, and then she entered the console room, where he was over at the controls.

Clara took a deep breath, deciding she would just have to learn to live with her guilty conscience, and went into the room to join him.

"What shall we do today?" she asked softly as she watched him toying with switches as he kept his gaze on the console.

"I thought we might go back to Earth for a while," he replied, and then he looked at her and smiled and his light blue eyes shone with love.

"I thought you might be missing home. It's not all about me, is it..."

She returned his smile while her heart ached. It was great to have him so kind and thoughtful and devoted to her – but this man was too gentle, too..._vanilla_. Not how the Doctor _really_ was at all...

"That's a good idea," she replied, "You can stay at my place, and I've missed teaching. It will be good to see a bit of home, and work, for a while."

"Let's go, then," he said, and he threw a lever and the Tardis gave a wheeze and a whoosh and swiftly landed.

As the Tardis landed, Clara turned for the door, and the Doctor looked up from the console and she had her back turned, so she missed a brief moment where his blue gaze had turned to pure ice, it was there and then it was gone as he joined her, exchanged a smile, and then they left the Tardis and stepped outside.

* * *

Seeing the empty classroom with the paper scattered all about in the wake of the Tardis arrival, she looked at the Doctor with confusion in her eyes, and then she looked around the empty classroom again, taking in the sight of the papers scattered about the room and the Tardis in the middle of it looking very out of place. Her own classroom was close to this one, just across the corridor...

"I thought we were going back to my place," she said to him, Why bring me here right now?"

The Doctor checked his watch.

"It's getting late. School finished three hours ago, the cleaners are almost done and the place is empty."

And he looked at her and smiled again.

But now Clara was starting to feel uneasy.

"I didn't need to come back here_ now_, not at this moment..."

The Doctor stepped closer to her and met her gaze. He ran his fingertips down her cheek and then leaned in and kissed her. It was a soft, brief kiss, and then he let go of her.

"_Yes you do,"_ he replied, and suddenly the warmth was gone from eyes blazing pure ice as he kept a firm grip on his rage as he looked at Clara and wondered if she could ever comprehend the hurt she had caused by her actions.

"_I was thinking about bending you over your own desk and giving you a hard dry fuck in the arse but I'm not really into that – I want to get back in my Tardis with a clean dick. Plus I know you enjoy the pain far more than you've ever admitted - despite what you did to try and erase my sexual preferences, so why should I give you anything at all?"_

His voice was filled with hurt and anger and her eyes glazed with tears as he stepped closer, she wanted to find the words to apologise, but seeing his hurt and hearing it in his voice, it seemed no words could ever make up for this...

"I...I was in shock... And we had just had a horrible argument, it's always you and your kinks that cause it, I wasn't thinking straight, I just thought, let them reprogram his memories of us, make him be different, more like -"

"More like_ you_ would prefer, you little control freak?" he demanded, "Is that right, Clara?"

"No, its not exactly -"

"_Shut up, okay? Just shut up Clara, I am done with you!"_

"I wasn't thinking straight -" her voice was broken and tearful.

The Doctor paused and reached up to the small device set in his temple.

"_Give me a minute – I need to get this ineffective shit out! Honestly Clara – you trusted their technology? Silly girl, silly stupid human, typical bloody human never knowing what you want, never being grateful for what you want when you get it..."_ Pain registered on his face. In all the time he had been talking, he had been pulling firmly at the implant. Then the device came away, as a small bloodied spike attached to it came out of his flesh.

"This did nothing for me at all," he said to her, "I put _myself_ into a coma to heal my own injuries! I'm a Timelord, I've lived many lifetimes – all this device was able to do was feed me your suggestions that were put into this programming – which I was able to _quickly_ brush off. And seeing your reaction to the new gentle and vanilla me was quite disturbing, Clara. It tells me _all_ I need to know – you _are_ a control freak. Not only that, but your need for control goes so far that you went about raping my mind, attempting to rewrite me _without_ my knowledge or permission!"

Tears streaked her face as she stared at him.

"No...I made a mistake... I wanted to tell you...I didn't want to lose you!"

The Doctor put the device in his pocket.

"You can take all the time you need to think about your regrets. I'm out of here. It's over."

"No, you _can't_ just walk away from me!"

As the Doctor paused by the Tardis door and turned back, she caught the look in his eyes and knew she had done it again:

_She had just tried to control the situation yet again..._

"I didn't mean it like that, I just want you to listen. I'll do anything you want, _anything_! Please Doctor, I love you, don't go!"

He shook his head.

"My trust in you is gone. Bye, Clara."

And then he went inside the Tardis and closed the door.

The box wheezed and whooshed and faded in and out rapidly, and then he was gone.

As the paper fluttered down around her and the room fell silent, she stood there alone as tears streaked her face and her gaze stayed fixed on the spot where the Tardis had stood:

_The Doctor had gone._

_He had left her._

_And he wasn't coming back..._

* * *

As the Tardis drifted gently in space, the Doctor stood at the console with tears glazing his eyes:

_He still loved her._

_Despite what she had tried to do to him, he could not stop loving Clara Oswald if he tried..._

His hand hovered on the lever.

_No._

_He wasn't going back._

_At least, not yet._

_Give it time._

_A year, maybe two. Maybe ten, fuck it, maybe he would make her wait twenty years for the hurt she had caused him..._

He closed his eyes and took in a heavy breath and then looked back to the console, his mind now made up. Then he threw a lever and the Tardis sped off through time and space as the Doctor put time and distance between him and the woman who had hurt him so deeply, because he needed that distance, he needed time away from her, and if he decided never to come back, if she missed him, it was _not _going to be his problem.

He just needed to be alone...

* * *

**And the final chapters of this collection are coming soon, in the installment called 'The Price'. Updates will be coming soon.**


	19. Chapter 19 : The Price Part 1

Chapter 19 :The Price Part 1

**With the Doctor and Clara now apart, and both lost without the other, The Twelfth Doctor heads off to the past to visit an old friend, while Clara is left behind on Earth, alone – but then another Tardis lands, and she is joined by the Tenth Doctor. But before he can explain she is included in his list of fond friends to bid farewell to after his exposure to lethal radiation, she pours out her heart to him – and the course is set for something that can lead to nowhere but heartache for Clara Oswald...**

* * *

**Contains scenes of a sexual nature, and sexual and BDSM references. Not for the vanilla minded or the easily offended.**

* * *

Chapter 19 : The Price Part 1

The sun was dipping outside the classroom window, soon it would be sunk out of sight and this day would be over – the last time she ever saw the Doctor consigned to a date in her memory, and one that Clara would forever think on as she regretted her actions.

She had stopped crying now, deciding instead to bear the hollow feeling in her heart and get on with life.

_It was a mess._

_Perhaps it had always been a mess._

_How could a wild relationship like theirs ever have ended any other way but to resemble something like a high speed crash, leaving a twisted wreck against a wall?_

She would come back here tomorrow, go into work and take the class and pretend none of this had happened.

_But how could she forget?_

_There was this man who flies about time and space in a blue box._

_And he's centuries old, he's lived many lifetimes and been around so many corners he's as kinky as can be._

_And that man had been hers, until she blew it all..._

He was teaching her a lesson and this time she knew for sure she had deserved it, because she had tried to rewrite his mind. She had done it without his knowledge, knowing he would have objected, simply because she was in shock and in the aftermath of yet another quarrel caused by his kink demands rising up too high and becoming a monster.

No wonder the Doctor was _always_ alone.

They _never _stayed long.

If it wasn't the danger that took its toll, she knew what the _other_ reason was...

That reason was a very human one – he was too damned kinky, took it too far, let himself get drunk on it until it was all he could think about.

_Sex addiction_.

Kinky, BDSM addiction that in the end, got too much for everyone who had shared his bed. Maybe it hadn't always been that way – he had said, he wasn't like that in every lifetime... But he certainly had it big time in this one, and if it had got so unbearable and constant that she had felt she needed to do something so drastic to change him, perhaps that fact was something she ought to consider when her heart ached for the man who had walked away from her...

Thinking on it all that way brought some sense to his loss, but it didn't ease the ache in her heart.

Clara kept those thoughts in her mind as she gathered up the scattered papers and put them on a desk, then she left the now tidy classroom, closed the door behind her and crossed the corridor and went into her own class room. The room was empty and as she looked at the places she pictured the faces of her students. It brought her comfort – she wasn't so alone, not when she had her class to teach. Teaching mattered to her it was her contribution to the future, by guiding and teaching tomorrow's generation. She had missed work, at least she had that back...

She was suddenly aware of silence all around her, not a single sound could be heard as she stood there and considered a future without the Doctor, and it only served to make her loneliness feel more painful and constant.

Clara was ready to go home, by herself and crawl into her cold and empty bed, where her lover would not be there to warm her through the night or meet her gaze when she woke up come morning.

And then the unmistakeable sound of a Tardis landing cut through the air.

Her heart leapt along with all her hopes, even though her heart was shot through with pain and all she wanted to do was walk way to avoid his gaze – it gave her hope that he had come back for her.

_He must have done. _

_The Doctor hadn't meant what he said, he wasn't finished with her..._

* * *

With that hope in her heart, Clara hurried back to the formerly empty classroom across the corridor, and as she opened the door the papers she had gathered up had been wildly scattered, and were now drifting to the floor as the Tardis finished landing.

She stared at the blue box, then she realised what was bothering her about it – this was not her Doctor's Tardis...

_So he hadn't come back for her._

And her heart would have sunk, but for the fact that she knew this other Tardis:

_It belonged to the Tenth Doctor..._

Memories of their fond meetings flooded her mind and by the time the Tardis door opened and he stepped out wearing a brown pinstripe suit and his long coat, she could barely see him for the tears that blinded her.

"He left me," she said as her voice choked up, "I messed up. It was my fault."

And he walked across the room and joined her as she blinked away tears.

"I need to tell you why I'm here," he said, and his voice was hushed.

Clara wasn't really listening.

"I did something terrible. He will never forgive me, l've lost him and all I can feel is this empty hole where he ripped out my heart and took it with him!"

She had spoken with anger, but then she crumbled, allowing herself to fall to the pain that refused to let up unless it was acknowledged. Then she felt his arms around her, and he held her close as she wept.

"Let's get out of here," he said to her, "You need to calm down and tell me everything." And then he turned her around and steered her towards his Tardis, while she fought to get her tears firmly under control once more.

* * *

_The Doctor was back on Earth, but far from Clara Oswald. _

_He was in France, in the year 1775, at the Château of the Marquis De Sade..._

"What of love, Doctor?" said De Sade as he leant on the dining table and drank from a golden goblet and then snapped his fingers, bidding a refill from the naked slave girl who fetched more wine.

The Doctor looked at his old friend and felt utterly lost. De Sade lived for pleasure and indulgence – as he had once assumed he did too, but meeting Clara had changed so much.

"I did not believe it would be so significant," the Doctor replied, "Not to me, not in this lifetime... I love her. Even after all she did to my mind, I love her still."

De Sade looked at him thoughtfully.

"But this girl caused you no harm?"

"She tried to _chang_e me - she didn't know the implant would be ineffective."

"This was not an attempt on your life, then?" asked the dashing De Sade.

The Doctor shook his head.

"Just an attempt to make me stop demanding all I did sexually. But it still feels like a terrible betrayal."

The naked woman had poured more wine, filling De Sade's glass, but then as she approached the Doctor he covered his glass with his hand, shaking his head.

As she walked away it occurred to him that she had a fine body and clearly enjoyed the submissive role she had been given here, but his thoughts still rested on Clara.

"What do you intend to do?" De Sade asked him, "You are the master of your own destiny, never let a woman meddle in that, my friend."

The Doctor gave a heavy sigh. His twin hearts ached, and he longed for a distraction.

"How is the prisoner?" he asked, and on bringing Missy into the conversation, De Sade laughed.

"The virgin begs for release at all hours, like she is driven insane by need for satisfaction. So I have kept her bound and denied her all such privilege. She is clean and pure and at your mercy, Doctor."

And De Sade smiled.

Now a dark pleasure had shimmered in the Doctor's gaze as he thought of his old enemy, trapped here and helpless and in female form.

"I think I should like to toy with her," he said darkly.

De Sade laughed as he rose from his seat.

"That's more like it!" he exclaimed, "I knew you would come to your senses sooner or later, my old friend."

And then the Doctor rose from his seat too, and followed De Sade out of the dining hall, down the grand corridor and towards the cells.

* * *

De Sade opened up the cell door and then spoke up again.

"I shall leave you to..._indulge,_ Doctor. Feel free to take your frustration out on this woman. It may bring you back to life and chase off all melancholy thoughts of your Clara."

"I'm sure it will," the Doctor replied, and as he walked into the room, the door closed heavily behind him.

Missy was tied down to a wooden table. She was wearing a white lace corset that made her breasts look like mountains, and nothing else. One look at her, swollen and damp with the tops of her thighs sticky and a look of yearning in her eyes told him all he needed to know – she was begging for it, and she wasn't getting it, and it was driving her insane.

Insane to the point that it hurt...

The Doctor started to smile as he stood over her.

"Something wrong, Missy?"

She drew in a sharp breath and looked up at him, her eyes a mix of need and fear.

"You perverted bastard!" she spat, "_De Sade?_ You_ left _me with De Sade? I'm not sure which is worse, waiting for you to work me over or him to finish me off!"

Now the Doctor was getting that dark, but warm glow, and as she stiffened with fear as he ran his hand over her shoulder, he felt a shiver of pleasure run through his body to see her so helpless.

"Tell me what you need," he said, and his voice was like silk.

She caught her breath, eyes wide at his sudden touch as he slipped a hand between damp thighs and fondled the wet, parted flesh.

"Oh Doctor, if you take me away from here I swear, I'll give you anything._..anything_! Money, power – an army! Anything!"

The Doctor's eyes were like ice. His heart remained with Clara but the rest of him, guided by his solid erection, was on thoughts of tormenting his enemy...

He reached in deeper, found her swollen flesh, that sensitive piece of tissue responsible for all challenge to his need for control, and gave it a sharp squeeze.

Missy shrieked and the sound of it pleased him.

"Tell me what you need," he whispered to her.

She met his gaze. He was toying with her again, pinching her sharply and she fought against the urge to cry out. He admired her struggle, she was trying so very hard...

"Tell me," he said again.

"I want you, take me, use me," she begged him.

He smiled as he shook his head.

"I will never, ever give you that. I wouldn't screw you if my _life_ depended on it!"

He had stopped squeezing now, and his finger slipped up and down wetness, just avoiding the one place where she needed it the most, to be sure she would not reach climax.

"How can you be so angry and so turned on at the same time?" he said, "You should just give in, let me hear a few screams."

Defiance shone in her eyes.

"You want something I refuse to give. I won't scream, Doctor, not any more."

And her eyes shone with a mix of madness and lifetimes of old rivalry, and she laughed softly.

The Doctor laughed too, as if sharing a joke that she was yet to catch up with.

That was when Missy stopped laughing and all amusement left her face.

"You're wondering...I can tell," The Doctor said to her, "So I'll tell you what I'm planning. I'm going to untie you and release you and take you back to my Tardis and return you to Victorian England. What do you say to that?"

Her eyes widened in surprise.

"You want to free me...Why?"

He ran a fingertip damp with her own wetness down her cheek.

"I had a falling out with Clara. It was over my..._urges_. So I've decided, I will indulge my fantasies and take it out on you, and then let you go. That is the price you pay for _not_ being left to be tortured to death by De Sade."

Then he grabbed her throat and it took all his self control not to seize the moment to end his deadly enemy and squeeze the life out of her.

_"But know this,"_ he added in a low voice, _"You will be carrying a reminder of me long, long after I am through with you! And if I ever see you again after this, I will put an end_ _to you once and for all!"_

She struggled to nod her head, and just about managed it as his grip loosened, and then he let go of her throat.

Now he saw fear shining in her eyes, and it was delicious on so many levels.

"What do you have in mind?" she whispered, and the Doctor smiled as dark thrills lit up his thoughts and reflected in his eyes...

* * *

By the time the Tardis had materialised back at Clara's place, she had pulled herself together and her tears had stopped. Now she and the Tenth Doctor sat together in her front room, side by side on the sofa as steam rose from two mugs of tea on the low table in front of them.

"So what happened?" he asked her, "Why did you decide to try and rewrite his memories...No wait a minute..." he paused, gathering his thoughts, and then he looked at her in surprise, "You _can't_ do that to a Timelord!"

"Well obviously I know that now," Clara replied, "But I was in shock after the accident, and we'd just had another quarrel about him and his fetishes...it just seemed like it was all about him all of a sudden. I just did it, I know it was stupid but...Oh no, don't look at me like that, please don't -"

"I'm not judging you," he promised her, "And I recall more than one lifetime in my past when I was very demanding over certain preferences for kinks that do nothing for me at all in this lifetime! I do get it, but Clara, you can't change him."

She was still looking into his eyes as she nodded sadly.

"I know that now, when it's too late," she replied, "Maybe it never would have stood a chance in the long run – me and him and his desires. I wanted it to work but in the end, I lost him."

The Doctor heard a bleep and checked his watch.

"Excuse me, Clara...Sorry about this."

She watched as he took a bottle of pills from his pocket, opened them up and took two with some tea. Then he put the bottle away again and as she looked at him wondering why he was taking pills, he knew it was time to be honest with her about the reason for his visit.

"Those pills do their best to render it harmless to those around me, it also helps to delay the effects but it can't last for much longer...And it's very powerful medication, not for human consumption."

"What is it for?" she asked, and it was then she noticed, after all the time she had spent with him pouring out her heartache, she was finally seeing it:

The Tenth Doctor looked terrible. He was pale and perspiring, his hair was damp with it, and dark shadows hung under his eyes.

"_Radiation poisoning,"_ he told her, _"I'm dying."_

The words registered flatly and calmly because she had no tears left to shed:

_She had lost her Doctor, and now this other one, this kind and gentle man who she had often ached for in her heart, was soon to be gone, too..._

"You came back to say goodbye?" she asked him, and he nodded.

"But I still have some time left," he said quietly, "And I know this is selfish, but I'd like to spend that time with you."

She looked into his eyes and managed a smile.

"I''d like that," she said, and as he leaned closer and held her and they shared a kiss, he felt weak in her arms, he felt thinner, and he had pain in his eyes as he drew back from her and spoke again.

"But I can't stay until the end, Clara. I still have someone I want to see one more time...I can't just stay here and wait to regenerate. You have to understand that."

The look of love he saw in her eyes reminded him of the other woman he loved, and as Clara pulled him into an embrace and promised him she would take care of him, he just couldn't say it:

_He couldn't tell her the person he needed to see before the end was the woman he loved more than any other, if Clara thought she was his one true love she was wrong, at least in this lifetime – because his one true love was Rose Tyler..._

**More to come in Chapter 20 The Price, Part 2 :-)**


	20. Chapter 20 :The Price, Part 2

Chapter 20: The Price Part 2

**This chapter contains strong sexual language and BDSM phrases and scenes of adult discussion and body modification and domination – not for the vanilla minded or the easily shocked. And this is *almost* the end of the collection too – the series will be wrapping up in the final chapter, Chapter 21 : Apologise Again.**

**And thanks for all the favorites and follows, and appreciation of this fic. The next chapter will wrap up the collection :-)**

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Chapter 20 – The Price, Part 2

_It wasn't a magical formula to ease all trace of Clara's broken heart. _

There was no way this other Doctor's presence could make up for the loss of the man she loved so deeply. But she was grateful to have the Tenth Doctor around, even though his time was limited – and thinking on that fact was too painful.

"I'm glad you're here," Clara told him as he laid back on her bed, the room was bathed now in the soft glow of the bedside lamp and the softness it gave out seemed to erase the worst of his pallor as it cast a golden glow about the room. He also looked a little better thanks to the shower he had taken before going to bed, it had cooled him off and revived him much, and then after pause to take more meds, he had taken some rest beneath the sheets of Clara's bed.

"How are you?" she asked as she sat beside him, and then she shook her head, thinking what a crazy question that was:

_How was he? _

_He was dying, how was he meant to be feeling about that?_

"Sorry, " she began, "I didn't mean it like that.. I know how you are, I meant, are you comfortable?"

"I'm as comfortable as I can be," he promised her, and then he gave a sigh and closed his eyes as his skin began to shine with a faint layer of the start of more perspiration. She had no idea if he was completely out of pain or if the pills simply held the worst of it back, but when he opened his eyes again and looked at her fondly, she no trace of discomfort in his eyes as he smiled and took hold of her hand.

"I was hoping you might come to bed with me."

As he saw the look of surprise in Clara's eyes, amusement danced in his own gaze.

"Just because I don't have long, it doesn't mean my sex drive has disappeared – well, not yet," he said, and he gave her a smile that melted her heart.

"Coming to bed, Clara?" he asked hopefully, and then she smiled too and nodded, instantly casting aside all thoughts of his hopeless situation – if he could be optimistic and live for the moment, so could she...

* * *

_Missy was terrified._

As she lay trapped in the cell deep in the heart of the palatial home of the Marquis De Sade, she felt sure she had never been so afraid of the Doctor – even in the old days, in other life times, nothing compared to this, to being in female form, and tied up with no hope of escape.

_Not with him and his urges..._

"What are you going to do to me?" she said, and managed a show of defiance in her intense gaze that still carried a hint of unmistakable madness, a signature that had clearly played on through out all of her lifetimes in either gender.

The Doctor stood over her looking handsome and cutting a dashing figure in his dark suit, the jacket lining bright crimson, as he paused to reach up for his shirt and lose a few buttons. Then he drew in a deep breath and as he let it out, the sound was pure unadulterated satisfaction.

He looked down at her with large, dark pupils deepened by lust and spoke to her in a low voice as his gaze switched from her face to her parted legs.

"I brought a couple of things with me," he said to her, "And I'm going to use them on you. And believe me, you will _never_ be able to forget what I'm about to do to you. I'm not trying to cure myself. I'm just taking it out on you, an enemy, because I don't want to hurt the one I love. I'm going to do it to you instead, then spend some nice, calm, quiet time alone, frequently masturbating over the day I crossed a line and lived out my ultimate dream. And then I'm going take a cold shower and maybe give it a year or two in her time and go back and see if I can put things right."

Now he saw pure fear in her gaze. She tensed and her legs trembled as she tried to close them, but her bonds made it impossible. And she was still desperately aroused, and the sight of her on her back and naked from the waist down was almost too much for him as he considered his plan.

He laughed darkly.

_"I mustn't do it..."_

"Yes!" she told him desperately, "Of course not! _Don't_ give in to your sadism! You know it's not really you...it's just something that comes over you...most lifetimes skip this curse! You just got unlucky this time, Doctor...but you're a _good_ man, I know you are!"

Her words had been wasted.

He didn't take his gaze off her open legs and her swollen sex, where she was unable to control her arousal.

"I will be a very good man one day," he said, "But not right now...Nobody's perfect, Missy!"

"But you were having second thoughts!" she wailed, and he shook his head.

"No, when I said I mustn't do it, I was referring to having a wank. I want to, and later on I will, I'll have many..." he laughed, "I'll be coming over this one for years – but I can't do it right now, I want to wait, I mustn't ruin it..."

And then he drew a small spray can out of his pocket, took off the top and paused to reach down and place his hand between her legs, then he spread her wide and carefully applied the spray in a single burst.

Missy gave a gasp and then her breathing came in short, sharp gasps as all sensation drained out of her sex.

"What have you done?" she said in panic.

He put the spray can away and managed to briefly take his gaze off her open legs and the target of his torments.

"That was nothing at all," he told her, "Just a spray to temporarily numb the area... I didn't use much, it will wear off after a couple of hours. That's when the pain will set in, along with an ache and little flickers of throbs that will feel heavy enough to make you want to touch yourself, but of course, you won't be able to come. I'm not saying you will never come again in this lifetime, maybe you will... it's going to take a few years. So possibly, or perhaps never."

Then he took out a second item from his pocket.

As she saw him remove a syringe from a case and he prepared to inject, she dragged in a shocked lungful of air.

"_Please don't..."_

He was between her legs now, pausing to carefully spread her wide, taking his time as he prepared to do the job very carefully indeed.

"It's only the contents of the spray I just gave you," he said to her, and for a moment she relaxed – until she saw the look in his eyes. There was more, and he was not going to change his mind about what ever it was he planned to do...

"The spray is harmless when applied externally," he told her, "But very dangerous when_ injected _– you can expect some permanent swelling, which after the temporary spray wears off will feel horrendously bruised and painful until the injection site heals. Then you'll get vague throbs that will drive you insane for release and you can try, you can rub away at it all day long if you want to, but you won't even come close to climax. This injection will kill off all chance of orgasm for at least ten years – maybe fifteen. Who knows, feeling like you have nothing down there might even take your mind off your evil deeds for a while, as you search the universe for a cure. But there isn't one. And don't worry Missy, I've filled this needle all the way up with the maximum dosage, so you can be sure I'm doing a very careful and thorough job with it."

And then he sat down on the table and leaned in between her legs, held the soft flesh open and carefully lowered the needle towards its target.

He couldn't help but notice despite her terror, she was still aroused, and he shook his head.

"I can't believe you're still wet. But it's okay, all those urges stop, they stop right now."

And she felt a pressure, a deep pressure as the needle went in and he slowly and carefully injected the contents.

There was no pain because the spray had turned her most sensitive organ to ice, but all the same, Missy screamed so loudly that her cries carried beyond the cell and down the hallways of the château, and was enough to bring a smile to the face of De Sade as he sat at his table still drinking fine wine.

* * *

Still on Earth and many years ahead of the Twelfth Doctor's current destination, Clara was breathless as they rolled together and he was on top of her again, thrusting deep inside her as the Tenth Doctor breathed hard and caressed her gently as they made love.

Then he ran his fingers through her hair and looked into her eyes and held back from more movement, their bodies locked together as he asked her a question:  
"Will you show me what you wanted with him, with _your_ Doctor? Please..." he paused for air, then spoke again,"Show me, Clara – show me what you _really_ wanted from a life with him...Let me inside your mind."

And she said nothing as she blinked back tears and thought of all she had lost, what might have been, and what could never be...

As she looked into his eyes, he didn't need to ask again, he sensed her consent, and then he gently placed his fingertips on her temples as his body trembled and he forced himself to hold back from love making, instead closing his eyes and sliding inside her mind, to the place where lived her hopes and dreams...

_She let him in._

_Clara showed him everything..._

* * *

By now, the spray had worn off.

Missy wasn't even grateful when he untied her bonds and helped her to stand – instead she doubled over slightly, one hand clutching between her legs as the absence of the spray's effect brought out a singing pain in her swollen sex, and as he took hold of her arm and waked her to the cell door, she staggered awkwardly.

"It hurts!" she protested.

The Doctor opened the door and shoved her though it, keen to be on his way.

"I'm still waiting for you to say thank you." he remarked, and then he walked her up the corridor to say farewell to De Sade, as she walked with difficulty beside him, wearing only a corset, and her hand still firmly clutching the ache between her legs.

After a brief farewell, during which De Sade kept smirking at Missy as her hand stayed between her legs and discomfort registered on her face, the Doctor broke some news to his old friend.

"After returning Missy, I have decided to go home to see what can be done to salvage my relationship," he said, and De Sade shrugged.

"Your choice, Doctor. I wish you well with it. And I hope to see you again some day."

The Doctor smiled.

"Who knows? "he replied, "Maybe."

And then he took Missy by the arm and she gave a moan of discomfort as he led her towards the door of the Château.

* * *

Once they were back in the Tardis, the Doctor quickly threw a lever and set the ship on its journey.

And Missy just stood there looking at him, her hand still clutching between her legs.

"Warming it up won't help," he said to her as he turned from the controls and smiled, "But this is _much_ better – Missy under control. This is good for you, it's going to keep your mind on things other than dominating the universe in your hunger for power. Now come over here and say thank you."

Her eyes widened.

"Thank you for what, killing all feeling in my clitoris?"

He shrugged.

"It's only a few years... nothing at all to a Timelord. Stop whining and get over here."

She glared at him.

His own gaze hardened.

"_You. Here. Now."_

He snapped his fingers and pointed to the floor in front of him.

Missy looked at him for a moment, considered what else he might have planned, and then decided to obey.

As she sank to her knees in front of him, he pulled down his zip and looked down at her.

"Before you please me, I want you to thank me."

Defiance shone in her eyes.

"Do it," he said to her, "Or I'll give that bruised little organ of yours a crushing pinch that will make you howl like an animal."

She drew in a shaken breath.

"Thank you," she whispered.

He slid his fingers through her hair and twisted it tight, jerking her head back.

"Louder."

"_Thank you!"_

"For what?" he asked.

She winced in pain as he tugged harder on her hair.

"For stopping my pleasure...controlling me...thank you for..."

She paused, unsure how to continue.

"For being the man who took away your orgasms!" he prompted.

"_Thank you for taking my orgasms...for killing my urges, for turning that flesh to ice..."_

He drew in a sharp breath and freed his erection from his clothing.

"_That's enough – shut up!"_ he said urgently, and gripped the back of her head harder as he twisted her hair, shoving his erection deep into her mouth.

She whimpered, one hand still clutching between her legs as he pumped in and out of her roughly, pausing to look down at that hand still between her legs, a sweet reminder of what he had done.

And then he couldn't take it any more, and he shoved her mouth on to him hard, coming hot and fast and after all he had indulged in, and the climax was mind blowing, even by a Timelord's standard...

As soon as his lust was spent, he pushed her aside and tidied his clothing.

"Get up," he said to her, and as the Tardis landed, she staggered to her feet, still swollen and exposed and the sight of it made him feel his arousal creeping back all over again. But this kink was best enjoyed alone as a delicious memory of a fantasy fulfilled – and he didn't want to have any more contact with his old enemy.

"Out," he said, and as the Tardis door opened she looked in horror at the sight of what lie beyond – a busy Victorian street...

"I'm naked!" she exclaimed.

He smirked and took her by the arm, forced her over to the open door way and shoved her out.

"No, Doctor, you can't leave me like this!" she cried, and the Doctor paused for a second to take a sly glance around the street – her cries had attracted attention to the woman who stood beside the blue box, wearing nothing but a corset, her hand over her bare swollen sex as she looked about in panic.

"Please!" Missy begged him.

"Sorry, I can't," The Doctor replied, "I'm off to wash - I need to because I've been in _your_ mouth. Then I'm going to sit back and masturbate until my balls turn blue as I think of you and what I did... you can think about it too, if you like – but with a clit that may as well be dead, you won't get anywhere. Enjoy the frustration and please, _do_ think of me every time you fail to come. Bye, Missy!"

Then he slammed the door of the Tardis, and as it faded in and out of sight and then vanished, no one had really noticed the blue box at all – they were all too busy staring at the woman who was naked from the waist down in the middle of the street, still clutching at her swollen sex...

* * *

Clara slept in late that morning, and only woke up when she heard the sound of a door closing. She sat up sharply and the empty space beside her sent a spike of panic through her...

"Doctor?" she called out.

The panic was killed instantly as the bedroom door opened and the Tenth Doctor came into the room.

He still looked pale and tired but he smiled warmly as he met her gaze.

"I was busy... had to do something in the Tardis...Nothing for you to worry about. And I'm sorry to tell you this, but I'm a lot weaker than you think I am and I have to leave soon."

Clara got out of bed and began to reach for her clothing.

"No, I'm not ready for this -"

He gave a heavy sigh.

"I just ran more analysis on my condition. If I don't leave today I won't get to see the person I need to see before I regenerate. I'm sorry... Look, why don't you slow down, take your time, get dressed, I'll make some tea and see you in the front room, okay?"

Clara nodded, wanting to say this was _not _okay, but instead holding it back. Then the Doctor left the room and she finished off getting dressed as she tried to hold back the pain and anger she felt in her heart. It wasn't fair, she loved him and he was dying. He didn't deserve that, and she didn't deserve to lose him, either...

A short while later she was in the front room, very aware that he had glanced to his Tardis more than once, because he was ready to go. She wondered who he was so desperate to see one last time, but didn't ask.

"So why are you still here if you're so desperate to leave?" she asked as he sipped his tea, "I mean, I know you don't have long left, but you have the time for one last cup of tea with me?"

The Doctor set the cup down and looked at her thoughtfully.

"I need to explain something to you, Clara...I was hoping I'd have longer, but my calculations were wrong. Happiness, it's always eluded me. Maybe it's because it comes at a price, and I know what mine is – I could have had a chance at something wonderful with you, and now its too late for me...But I've left you something."

And he reached into the pocket of his coat, drew out a disc and placed it on the table.

Clara looked at it and then back to him with a confused expression.

"I don't understand?"

"It's not to be played until I'm dead," he told her, "Which means once my Tardis takes off I'm back on route to my own destiny so please do consider me dead when my blue box vanishes. Then waste no time and play that disc."

"You're leaving me a farewell message?"

He paused, quickly gathering his thoughts.

"Yes and no. Well, more_ n_o...It's not entirely a goodbye."

"I don't get this."

The look in his eyes softened.

"You will," he promised her, and his voice carried more tenderness than she had expected. Then he placed his hand over hers and kissed her softly.

"I have to go," he said to her, "Because there was somebody before I ever knew you and I need to see her one last time before I regenerate. Her name is Rose Tyler, and I love her."

As he saw her stunned expression, he slipped his hand from her grasp and got up, then he turned away and walked over to his Tardis and opened the door. As he stepped inside he turned back to her.

"I do love you, Clara," he promised her, "And if I'd met you first...Oh what difference does it make now? But please remember this, because I care about my future happiness as much as I do about yours – if he comes back, and I think he will, put him in his place! Tell him to keep it for the bedroom, make him control himself. He can if he wants to...and he will probably have to."

And he smiled, like he knew a punchline to a joke she was yet to hear.

"Bye Clara," he said softly.

"Bye, Doctor," she replied, and he saw love in her eyes, and he smiled again and there was no need for words as the love they shared passed between them unspoken.

Then he closed the door and the Tardis faded in and out of sight, and as it vanished, Clara felt a deep sense of loss.

Then she looked down at the disc on the table with interest, and she picked it up, wondering why the Tenth Doctor had left her with this parting gift...


	21. Chapter 21: Apologise Again (End)

**Chapter 21 : Apologise Again**

**Author Note:**

**This is the final chapter of the collection. I am sorry there was a break where I was away for months but I had novels to write, and I came back as soon as I could to complete this series of fics. Thanks for all the appreciation for this fic and my others, although I write books in RL I never stop appreciating the reviews and popularity of my fan fiction writing, because this is where I began as a writer.**

* * *

**Once again, some warnings for this last chapter – mainly for BDSM references, and a reminder this story is to be considered AU and is not for the easily shocked, the vanilla, or of course, for the narrow minded. And now, to all fans of this fic: Here is the last chapter. **

**Thanks once again for the appreciation :-)**

* * *

Chapter 21 : Apologise Again

The Doctor had been away for too long – his twin hearts felt that way, even though it had been almost a year since he had walked out of Clara's life.

_In truth, it felt like centuries._

Having two hearts that ached so painfully made him wonder if human pain at heartbreak was just as painful with one heart– it probably was, because loss of love was something that cut deep in all species with a capacity to love...

As he left the Tardis beneath the shady corner of a tree lined street in a place where the boughs hung heavy, the doctor was glad he was wearing a hooded top that kept the rain off him – it was falling heavily and the evening skies were darkening as the down pour continued.

As he made his way up the street, he tried not to think about Clara as his hearts raced and he wondered how she would react when she saw him again.

He had left her for a while, not too long, the blink of an eye to him – but almost a whole year was a long time in human terms.

_Humans adapted._

_They got on with it and survived._

_That was something he had always admired about her species, yet now it caused him to feel a sense of dread:_

_Just how far had she moved on?_

As he walked quickly through the rain, he cast his mind back to Missy and wondered what had happened to her after she was left semi naked in the middle of Victorian London...

Then he pulled back a little on those thoughts because they were for private moments, and with so many possibilities:

_Had she reached her Tardis and got away?_

_Or had she not quite made it back, had she been picked up on the street, a hysterical mess with her obviously swollen flesh so noticeable?_

_It was Victorian England._

_A woman in her state of mind, tormented by discomfort and numbness in such a swollen and intimate area might have been hospitalised..._

_And in Victorian England, there was only one logical, surgical cure for her little problem..._

No.

He pushed those thoughts far away, because turning up aroused over his fetish for ultimate orgasm control was _not_ appropriate when he was about to beg mercy from the woman who held his two hearts in her hands, even if she didn't realise it.

Now he was thinking about Clara once more, anxiety twisted at his insides.

_Maybe she hated him._

_If she did, he wouldn't blame her..._

He reached the path that led to her door, paused and noticed lights were on, but in the gloom of falling dusk, all he could see were closed curtains and light escaping above it through the tiniest of gaps.

_So she was home._

_Of course she was home, where else would she be?_

He didn't want to let his imagination run away with him or he would start to imagine her back with Danny, or happy with a new man.

_He couldn't have taken that..._

Then he cut off all thoughts about reaching her, and went up to the doorstep and rang the bell.

* * *

Clara opened the door wearing a dressing gown.

He guessed she had planned an early night and of course, by the way her eyes widened in surprise, she certainly wasn't expecting visitors, least of all him...

As he pulled down a rain spattered hood and looked at her, she felt a surge of emotion that ran all the way from anger to relief.

_And she wanted to slap his face all over again._

_But she decided, better not – not after what the last one had led to..._

"Clara," he said, "I know it's been almost a year but I had to come back, I had to see you – can we talk? Can I come in and talk to you? I really need to do this, I really need to explain -"

She had held up her hand, looking hard at him, and that look and that gesture instantly shut him up.

"Why are you here?" she asked, and then she gave a sigh and shook her head and opened the door wider.

He stepped over the threshold at once and started to speak again, but she just turned her back when he said it was good to see her again, and gestured him to follow her through to the kitchen.

"Clara, can we just go through to the front room? I'd like us to sit and talk -"

She glanced back at him, pausing by a doorway that was ajar, and in that moment her face was lit up a soft glow that came from within.

"Kitchen," she said to him, and he followed her, paused to catch a glimpse of the glow that came from within the spare room that used to be the place where Clara stored spare furniture – now the walls were painted blue and there was a pattern of glowing stars spread up the wall.

He reached for the door handle.

"Get in here!" she said sharply, and he turned from the door and went into the kitchen.

* * *

The Doctor sat down at the kitchen table, and she went over to the other side of the kitchen and started making coffee.

"You must be freezing, getting caught in the rain," she said, and he said nothing as he looked at her, because this was not the kind of reaction he had expected, of all the possible reactions he had imagined, he didn't expect this one...

She glanced at the calendar on the wall and then looked back at him.

"Of course," she said, "It's today. I knew it was going to be today, but I've been busy...lost track of time."

He was still looking at her.

"How did you know?" he asked quietly, and she turned away from him.

Outside the window the sky was turning dark, and as the rain stopped falling, an early firework exploded far off in the Autumn sky.

She placed the two coffees on the table and then sat down and joined him.

The Doctor looked about the kitchen, noticing something different about the place...he had been so intent on working out how Clara knew of his visit that he hadn't seen the details at first, but he did now:

His attention was drawn to a small item of clothing on a radiator, it was draped there next to a very small blanket...

"What's that?" he asked, indicating to the blue baby clothing on the radiator.

"Clothes," she said to him, "I have tons more, too."

His pale eyes widened as he looked at her.

"Not yours?"

She couldn't help but smile.

"No, I couldn't fit into a onesie that tiny, don't be silly!" and then she giggled, and shook her head on seeing his confused expression.

"Sorry, I'm not laughing at you...it's just that you seem so confused..."

"There's a baby in the house?" he asked her, "Oh I see, you're babysitting for a friend, of course you are – _you're not?_"

The look in her eyes had already answered that question.

"Not babysitting...I don't understand, Clara, -"

"Yes there is a baby," she said to him.

"You have a small human?" he said in surprise.

Her reply stunned him.

"Not exactly," she replied, and then she opened up a laptop on the table and lifted a silver disc from where it had been resting on top of the keypad.

"You need to watch this," she said to him, and put the disc in the machine.

"But you haven't explained -"

"Shut up and pay attention!" she told him, "It's about you. It's about a time towards the end of one of your lives that you can't recall. You're about to catch up."

And the disc began to play.

He saw his Tenth self and an old Tardis design in the background.

Ten was wearing his glasses and he looked intently into the camera.

"Clara, while you were sleeping I went off and looked ahead, and I want you to remember a date for me. November the first. That's when he's coming back. And it _will_ work out – but he has to control himself! No more letting his games with you go too far! Tell him to keep it in the bedroom!"

"What right has he got to comment on _my_ life?" the Doctor said indignantly, and as if becoming part of the conversation, the Tenth Doctor spoke up again.

"I've got every right to say that, because he _is_ me, this is my future in another life I have to consider, and I want to be happy as much as you do, Clara."

Then he paused for thought as Clara smiled and her eyes grew misty as she watched the recording that she had seen so many times she had lost count, while the Doctor just sat there staring in disbelief at the screen.

Then the Tenth Doctor spoke up again:

"When I said I left you something Clara, I didn't mean this disc. _There's more_."

He paused again, took off his glasses and looked into the camera so intently once more she felt as if he was looking right into her eyes as she sat there at the table.

_"You let me into your mind when we made love,"_ he said,_ "I saw what you wanted with him, with my other self. And so I decided to give that to you. I know what I'm losing, I know I wont be there to share your joy, but you're pregnant – if you want to be. I made sure of that last night. If you don't want the baby there's a box in the bathroom with two pills in it to stop the pregnancy from happening – but I know you won't use them because I know what you really want – but I just want to make that gesture so you know without a doubt that you can stop this from happening if you choose to. It's up to you."_

As he paused again, Clara cast her mind back to the day he left:

_She had played the message, found the pills and thrown them away with a smile on her face as she wished she could see him one last time, to thank him for his parting gift..._

On the screen, the Tenth Doctor spoke up again:

"I do wish I could have stayed," he said sincerely, "Clara, I would have loved to have stayed with you and watched you blossom as our child grew inside you – I'd love to see you heavily pregnant, to wake beside you and take in the amazing sight of the earth mother you was born to be...and I'd really find you so stunningly beautiful, too."

As he fell silent and gathered more thoughts, and as he sat beside her at the table the Doctor looked at Clara in surprise.

"And I recall my Tenth life as so vanilla! He has a _thing_ for you being pregnant? That's _weird_!"

Clara's eyes widened in surprise.

"No its not, its _normal _for a man to see his pregnant partner as beautiful and attractive! I can't believe you would call anyone's tastes weird...you're _such_ a hypocrite!"

The Doctor looked at her apologetically as he recalled something that he could never share with Clara:

W_hat he had done to Missy, and how she had sucked him off under duress to thank him for it..._

"Okay," he admitted, "So I _am_ being a hypocrite. Sorry, I had no right to call him weird for fancying you pregnant – I'm just glad_ I _missed the part where you got fat – _and_ the messy part, when the kid actually arrived."

She glared at him, and he saw such anger there in her eyes that he backed down.

"Sorry, again. That was a joke."

Clara was still glaring.

"A_ bad_ joke, okay...I'll shut up."

Then on the screen the Tenth Doctor spoke up again.

"Clara, _don't_ listen to him when he goes on and on about his fantasies. Remember how you told me he made you cross a line? Well _you_ need to make _him_ cross your line, set a boundary and don't let him stray from it! Start as you mean to go on and I think it's going to be okay. And once again, I'm sorry I can't be there for you, but at least I'll die knowing a future me gets to raise a family with you. Don't you dare start crying now, don't ever fall apart over me. Just look forward and enjoy the future. I love you, Clara."

The recording came to an end.

Clara switched off the lap top and looked at the Doctor.

"He did love me."

"_And Rose Tyler."_

Clara looked at him, into ice blue eyes waiting for her response – but when she did reply, she spoke without a trace of resentment.

"I know. He loved her before he met me, so why should I hold that against him? Please don't try and undermine anything he said – he was _you_, long ago – and I'm going to take his advice on you forever, starting from _now_. You're here because you want me back? Understand this, Doctor : _There is a new line, and this time, you're the one who has to cross it._"

"Don't start trying to order me about – you know how I'm made."

"I wouldn't dream of it, not in the bedroom. Everything _outside_ of that, you _have_ to forget about sexual thrills being your priority because if you stay with me, you also have a son to raise."

The Doctor stared at her.

_He had expected this to be hard going._

_He had even expected to have to beg._

_But she had just forgiven him and taken him back._

_And the news was starting to sink in._

_He was a father..._

"Alright," he said, as he realised he had finally reached the point in his thrill seeking Twelfth life where he had to calm it down greatly, "Our sex life stays in the bedroom. Does that include the bedroom in the Tardis?"

Clara smiled.

"No travelling until he's older. And yes, it does apply to the Tardis too. Life is different now. You _have_ to accept that if you want to stay with us."

And she got up from the table

"_Do you want to stay with us?_" she asked him.

The Doctor got up too, and as he blinked away tears he smiled and nodded.

"Of course I do. Thank you so much for giving me another chance, Clara!"

And he grabbed her and hugged her tightly, and for once in his life, even though he was a man who rarely ever made the first move when it came to a hug, the Doctor clung to her tightly and didn't let go as he kissed her and then held her again.

It was Clara who let go first.

"Come and see him," she said, "Come and see your son."

* * *

She led him out of the kitchen and across the hallway into the spare room that was now a nursery. As he looked down into the cot and saw his child sleeping, he smiled.

"He looks a lot like me" he remarked, and Clara laughed softly.

"Stop lying!" she whispered, keeping her voice low so as not to wake their son,"He looks nothing like you – he looks like you in your Tenth life."

The Doctor was still smiling.

"Actually, that's very true. What did you call him?"

"John."

"My earth name, that's okay. Can I hold him?"

"Not yet, wait till he wakes."

Then she went back out of the room and watched as the Doctor looked down into the cot and smiled adoringly at his son. Then he left the room and closed the nursery door quietly behind him.

"So we have new rules now? Kink is restricted to the bedroom? I think I can live with that."

"You have to," Clara reminded him.

"I won't fail you again," he promised.

As he looked at her, love shone in his eyes as he silently concluded that what he was giving up was very little compared to all he had gained.

Then an explosion of fireworks began, more early rainbows of fire lighting up the night as the glow lit up the glass by the front door, standing out against the dark of the sky.

"Let's take a quick look," he said, sounding like an excited child.

* * *

As he grabbed her hand and led her down the hallway and opened up the front door, another shower of lights in green and amber exploded in the distance.

"They'd better not have bangers!" Clara said, "It's not even even bonfire night yet and I don't want the baby to cry!"

The Doctor looked at her and smiled.

"I won't let you down," he vowed, "I _will_ remember where the line is. And I'll be the best father ever. _And_ the best husband, if you want to take on a kinky old Timelord like me."

Clara smiled too, and as she kissed him and then they embraced, she thought of the Tenth Doctor and wondered how he had known they would be reunited on this night. Then as another burst of colour lit up the sky, as she clung to her lover and the sky flashed a glow that fell upon the street, she saw him in shadow, standing in the doorway of his Tardis, his hands in the pockets of his long coat. And then the fireworks were gone, and so was the Tenth Doctor.

Clara's eyes stung with tears as a single though ran through her mind:

_Oh god, no, I'll never see you again..._

Then as the Doctor let go of her and smiled as he looked into her eyes, she knew things were supposed to turn out this way.

"I love you so much," the Doctor said to her, then he ran his fingers through his grey hair and his eyes lit up with excitement.

"I've got a family!" he said excitedly.

"I know!" Clara exclaimed, instantly feeling the broken part of her heart mending, because the father of her child was not really gone, he was just two lives older and wore a different face now...

* * *

They went back inside and the Doctor closed the door.

"Let's celebrate," he said to her, "How about you get on your knees and serve me nicely in the hallway?"

She gave him _that_ look again.

He backed down.

"Okay, I know where the line is. Let's go to the bedroom and play."

Clara smiled as she took hold of his hand.

"That's more like it," she said as she led him towards the bedroom.

"What, me obeying you? I'm not that kind of man, Clara."

"But you know where the line is," she reminded him.

_"Yes, it's right here."_

They had reached the open bedroom door.

She gave his hand a squeeze and stepped in first.

"Come on, then," she said, daring him to seal the promise,"Cross the line – as long as you're sure you want to do this."

His eyes sparkled playfully.

"You'd better get ready to suck it _very_ nicely. And that's an order."

Clara stepped back. The Doctor entered the bedroom, remembering that the rules had changed, and this time it was him who had to cross a line – the bedroom was the _only_ place for his games now, but that was a small price to pay for happiness.

As he entered the room Clara put her arms around him and looked into his eyes.

"Welcome home, Doctor," she said to him, and just as they embraced and he leaned in to kiss her, he gave the bedroom door a gentle push, and closed it behind them.

The End

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**Well, this concludes Apologise.**

**Thank you for reading and reviewing and favouring this fic, its had so many hits and the messages I've had have been great, its always good to know when my writing has been appreciated. I will be back soon with more Doctor Who fan fiction, if you have not yet read my other fics, do check them out – I do not often write M raters, but my other, mainly T rated fics, will not disappoint. Thanks for sticking with this story and following it to the end.**

**Nurse Betty Page :-)**


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